Having the Hard Conversations: Bigotry, Sexuality, and Substance Abuse
Our world is full of hatred and opposing views. Our families have their own views that we’ve learned from our upbringing and our culture. In my family, we try to filter all points of view through Scripture. Culture often teaches values contrary to Scripture, and it can be difficult to navigate those messages while still teaching our children Scriptural values. My goal is never to dictate to my children what to believe. I want them to think and process for themselves. I pray the Holy Spirit will guide them as they do, and that I would set the right example — because I know my kids will learn more from what I do than from what I say.
I’ve written before about how we engage with the TV and movies we watch — I called it Active Viewing instead of passive viewing. I wrote something similar about Extracting Biblical Truths from Children’s Literature. Those posts share a common thread of intentionality and discussion. In this one, I want to talk about how we have the harder conversations — the ones around countercultural topics like bigotry, LGBTQ topics, and substance abuse.
Start from the Other Side
One of Stephen Covey’s seven habits of highly effective people is to seek first to understand, then to be understood. He was talking about resolving conflict between adults, but I think it applies just as much to conversations with your kids. Before we can guide our children through a hard topic, we need to understand the other side’s perspective ourselves. Understanding is what turns judgment into compassion.
LGBTQ and Sexuality
I spent three years living in a lesbian community. They knew full well that I was a white male evangelical Christian, yet I was accepted. I lived in the basement apartment of a friend from high school — my prom date, actually. She’s a lesbian, but she trusted me, and because she trusted me, her friends trusted me too. I spent those three years trying to understand their culture and their point of view. I wrote about that experience in more depth elsewhere on this blog, but here’s an excerpt:
Having closely interacted with people in the gay community for three years, I’ve seen the anger and the hurt. I’ve been educated about the harm and discrimination inflicted on gay individuals. I understand why Christians are seen as the enemy. Gay people do not see a loving and compassionate Jesus when they observe Christians. They see the church as a powerful political organization that opposes basic human rights.
When Jesus walked the earth, he accepted people as they were. He had no political agenda. He did not fight to overthrow oppressive Rome or free his fellow Jews. He did not condemn individuals. He forgave people and told them to go and sin no more. People were motivated not to sin anymore because they were not condemned, but loved and accepted.
Living alongside that community and hearing their hurt firsthand didn’t just teach me facts — it gave me real compassion. I don’t judge or condemn them. I long for and pray for their salvation, understanding that they are not worse sinners than I am. The only difference is that I know Jesus and rely on him for my own salvation, and I pray they will one day too. I felt strongly enough about this experience that I wrote a poem about it, called The Other Side.
Bigotry and Substance Abuse
I wrote a book to address both of these weighty topics with children. I believe stories are a great vehicle for teaching hard lessons — they show, rather than tell.
In Redeeming Rhubarb, Rhubarb is an alcoholic mouse who hates rats. When one moves into his neighborhood, he’s livid. The book doesn’t tell this story from the perspective of the victim, Barnabas the rat — it’s told from the perspective of the alcoholic bigot himself. That was a deliberate choice, and it’s my own version of seeking first to understand. Rhubarb isn’t just a hateful mouse with a drinking problem. He’s someone who is hurting, who has been hurt, and who was taught to hate before he ever chose it himself.
Ask Questions. Don’t Just Provide Answers.
My oldest daughter’s favorite stuffed animal is a blue dog my lesbian friend gave her. My daughter knows my friend is gay and doesn’t condemn her for it. We talk about LGBTQ topics as a family — we had one of our longest conversations about it while watching The Secret Life of the American Teenager, a show I chose specifically because it portrays the opposite of what I believe about love, sex, and marriage. As I wrote in my Active Viewing post, we asked tough questions: What did the characters do right? What did they do wrong? What messages were we being fed?
Redeeming Rhubarb works the same way. Rhubarb’s path to redemption comes through love and compassion — shown to him and his family by Barnabas, the very rat he hated. A few questions you can use to discuss the book:
Why do you think Rhubarb hates rats before he’s ever actually been hurt by one?
What does Barnabas risk by choosing to help a family that despises him?
Is Rhubarb’s drinking a cause of his bigotry, an excuse for it, or something separate entirely?
What would it take for you to show kindness to someone who has clearly wronged you or your family?
Yes, sometimes I do give answers. But I try not to give mine before my children have given theirs. My objective isn’t for them to parrot what I or the world tells them is right — it’s for them to actually think it through.
Consider What the Bible Says
Don’t assume you already know the answer. Pray, and search Scripture to find the truly Godly view, trusting that the Holy Spirit’s job is to lead us into all truth (John 16:13).
It also helps to memorize Scripture so you can speak with its authority. There’s a real difference between saying “I think the Bible says something like…” and being able to quote it word for word. Speaking Scripture directly carries a weight and confidence that summarizing it never quite does, and Scripture itself claims that weight — God’s word doesn’t return to him empty; it accomplishes what he sends it to do (Isaiah 55:11).
But searching Scripture honestly also means being willing to be corrected by it. I’ve been confronted many times in my life with the fact that I was wrong. I was legalistic in my early adult years and had to learn to embrace grace instead. More recently, I’ve been challenged on my beliefs about speaking in tongues, and I’m still working through pre-tribulation, mid-tribulation, and post-tribulation views of the end times. Growth requires change. Don’t be afraid of it.
Admit When You Are Wrong
When you realize you’re wrong, admit it — especially to your children. This isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength. You won’t lose their respect by admitting a mistake. You’ll gain it.
Putting It Together
None of these four habits — understanding the other side, asking before answering, testing everything against Scripture, and admitting when we’re wrong — hand our kids a finished conclusion. That’s on purpose. What I actually want to pass on isn’t a stance on any single issue; it’s a process they can carry into every hard conversation they’ll face long after they’ve left our house. If they learn to seek understanding before judgment, to think before they parrot an answer, to hold Scripture as the final authority, and to hold their own opinions with enough humility to change them — I trust the Holy Spirit to lead them the rest of the way, even into the conversations I never saw coming.
I’ll be the first to admit that many Christian movies are not well-acted, are poorly filmed, and are not very entertaining. It’s obvious they were made on a low budget, using subpar scenery, costumes, lighting, cinematography, and acting. However, we’ve found many exceptions. We’ve been impressed by the acting. We’ve been moved to tears by powerful scenes and thoroughly entertained by some wonderful Christian movies.
As with the classic films and TV shows I’ve written about before, we don’t just watch these passively in our house. We watch, and then we talk — what did the character choose, what did it cost them, and does it line up with scripture? These are the movies that have given us the best conversations.
Here’s our list, beginning with my daughter’s favorite. We are a family of four. I have a Filipino wife and two daughters, ages 10 and 12. Finding movies that my wife can understand, since English is not her primary language, and that my daughters will also enjoy, is challenging. These five have cleared that bar for us.
The Girl Who Believes in Miracles (2021)
This one, my daughters have asked to watch again and again. We’ve been moved to tears each time. The film follows Sara Hopkins (Austyn Johnson), a young girl who takes a sermon about faith moving mountains very literally. After praying and bringing a dead bird back to life on a fishing trip with her brother, she unwittingly becomes a conduit for extraordinary events. Her simple, unwavering trust in God leads to profound, localized miracles across her town — a paralyzed man walks, a blind girl sees, another child is cured of cancer. She turns enemies into friends through her compassion and impartiality. But the extraordinary events quickly draw national media attention, turning Sara into a celebrity and taking a heavy toll on both her and her family. While others are helped, Sara’s own health begins to diminish.
We smile at the fact that Jesus appears in jeans in one scene. How else would a little girl picture him? We were moved to tears by some of the miracles. The ending moves us to tears of both sadness and joy.
Watching the movie makes you wonder if miracles still happen today. I can testify that they do. We’ve been privileged to witness a few and hear testimonies of others. Just a week ago, a little toddler was healed of eczema. He came to church all red and left with clear skin. His parents testified he hadn’t had any redness all week, and we could see for ourselves that the boy’s skin was clear.
The movie also echoes something Jesus said directly: unless we change and become like little children, we won’t enter the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 18:3). Sara’s faith isn’t sophisticated or theologically trained — it’s simple trust, and that’s exactly what makes it powerful.
A few questions to discuss as a family:
Why do you think Sara’s faith produced such extraordinary results? What was different about how she believed compared to how adults in the film believed?
The fame that comes from Sara’s miracles ends up hurting her. What does that suggest about how we should handle it when God uses us — quietly, or publicly?
Have you ever seen or experienced something you’d call a miracle? What made you believe it was one?
The Forge (2024)
The Forge is a Christian drama from the Kendrick brothers and a spin-off of War Room. It follows Isaiah Wright, an unfocused 19-year-old high school graduate who spends his days playing video games and basketball. Challenged by his single mother and a successful businessman, Isaiah learns about biblical discipleship, manhood, and God’s purpose for his life.
The Kendrick brothers are known for making decent Christian movies, and this is one of their finest. It follows biblical principles of discipleship and mentorship. Isaiah’s life is changed because one man sees his potential and mentors him. The impact is profound and inspiring.
Often, when someone is rebellious and reckless with their life, we abandon them — or worse, try to force change on them. This movie does neither with Isaiah. Instead of giving up, his mother prays. Instead of trying to force change, Isaiah is mentored, coached, and given multiple chances. That mirrors how Paul describes discipleship: not as a lecture delivered once, but as a life shared over time (1 Thessalonians 2:8).
A few questions to discuss as a family:
Isaiah’s mother chooses prayer over nagging or ultimatums. What’s the difference between praying for someone and trying to control them?
Why do you think Isaiah responds to mentorship instead of pressure? What does that tell us about how to help someone who’s stuck?
Who has been a “forge” in your own life — someone who pushed you toward growth rather than letting you stay comfortable?
The Ultimate Gift (2006)
Based on the best-selling book by Jim Stovall, the movie follows a spoiled, cocky playboy, Jason, who expects a massive inheritance after his billionaire grandfather’s death. Instead, his grandfather leaves him a series of twelve life-altering tasks — “gifts.” Through work, giving, suffering, and gratitude, Jason undergoes a profound transformation, ultimately discovering the true meaning of love and purpose.
Along the way, Jason befriends a young girl named Emily, who is battling terminal leukemia, and her mother, Alexia. Their friendship deeply impacts Jason, grounding him and completely shifting his perspective on life beyond money.
I absolutely loved Emily’s character. She’s bold, outspoken, full of courage, and purposely manipulative in the best sense — she nudges Jason toward the person he’s meant to become. There are several scenes sure to make your eyes moist or cause you to weep for joy outright. This is one I could watch again and again.
Jason’s journey is basically a modern illustration of Jesus’ warning that a man’s life doesn’t consist in the abundance of his possessions (Luke 12:15). He has to lose his sense of entitlement before he can actually receive anything of value.
A few questions to discuss as a family:
Jason’s grandfather could have just handed him the money. Why do you think he made him earn understanding instead?
What does Emily’s friendship give Jason that his inheritance never could?
What’s one “gift” — in the movie’s sense of a challenge that grows you — you’ve had to go through in your own life?
Miracles from Heaven (2016)
Starring Jennifer Garner, this film is based on the true story of the Beam family. When 10-year-old Anna is diagnosed with a rare, incurable digestive disorder, her mother Christy fights for her treatment. After Anna miraculously survives a 30-foot fall inside a hollow tree, medical specialists are mystified to find her terminal illness completely cured.
This film is well-acted, full of emotion, and very realistic. While it doesn’t answer why some people are healed and others aren’t, it doesn’t dodge the question either — and I respect that. It sits in the same tension the book of Job sits in: sometimes we don’t get the “why,” only the invitation to keep trusting.
A few questions we discussed as a family:
Christy’s faith is tested throughout the film, not just rewarded at the end. Why do you think the movie shows her doubt instead of skipping over it?
If Anna hadn’t been healed, would her family’s faith have been wasted? Why or why not?
How do we talk to someone who is suffering and not being healed, without making promises God hasn’t made?
I Can Only Imagine (2018)
This faith-based biographical drama tells the true story of Bart Millard, lead singer of the Christian band MercyMe, and the inspiration behind their hit 2001 song. It explores his abusive childhood, his journey to forgiveness, and his relationship with his father.
While in many ways this is a typical rise-to-fame movie, it adds wonderful elements of overcoming abuse, forgiving, and redemption. I found myself feeling for both Bart and his father, moved to tears as they underwent change. My wife also appreciated the love story, accented as it was by sacrifice. The film’s arc toward forgiveness — for an abusive parent, of all people — is a hard, honest picture of what Jesus asks of us when he tells us to forgive seventy times seven (Matthew 18:22).
A few questions to discuss as a family:
What made Bart able to eventually forgive his father? Was it something his father did, or something that changed in Bart?
Is forgiveness the same thing as trusting someone again? Why or why not?
Bart’s pain became the source of a song that’s helped millions of people. Has anything hard in your life ever turned into something that helped someone else?
A Few Final Words
None of these are perfect films, and a couple of them lean harder into sentiment than subtlety. But each one has earned its place in our rotation because it gives us something to talk about afterward, not just something to watch.
That’s really the goal in our house: not to shield our kids from every imperfect movie, but to watch alongside them and ask good questions. If you try any of these with your own family, I’d love to hear what conversations they spark for you.
I'm tired of being told lies I want to hear! Truth is painful when it slaps me in the face. It convicts me of wrongs I held so dear. It reveals shame I now seek to erase.
Let me remain in darkness, blind to what is true. In darkness I can hide from who I am. Let me remain the same; don't make me new. I refuse to look inside and exam.
I'm safe within my deceit and lies. No need to change or repent. Let me do right in my own eyes. I need nothing to lament.
I'm tired of being told lies I want to hear! But keep telling them to me. I do not wish to change what I hold dear Keep me in chains, I do not wish to be free.
I love the classic movies from Hollywood’s golden age. There’s something to that Golden Age of Hollywood (roughly the 1930s to early 1960s). Hollywood operated under real constraints that, paradoxically, often produced better storytelling than we get today.
The dialogue was often theatrical in the best sense, because so many writers and actors came from Broadway and radio. Screenwriters like Billy Wilder, Preston Sturges, and Ben Hecht (the “Shakespeare of Hollywood”) treated banter as a kind of sport, rapid-fire and layered with subtext, every line doing double duty (advancing plot and revealing character).
The era’s screenwriting remains legendary for its sharp, stylized delivery. The most iconic lines include:
Casablanca (1942): “Here’s looking at you, kid.” and “We’ll always have Paris” Gone with the Wind (1939): “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.” Some Like It Hot (1959): “Well, nobody’s perfect.” To Have and Have Not (1944): “You know how to whistle, don’t you, Steve? You just put your lips together and blow.”
The old-fashioned morals resonate with me.
Classic Hollywood’s morals were dictated by the restrictive Hays Code. This code mandated that good triumphed over evil, that crime never paid, and that authority remained largely respected. These films championed civic duty, romantic idealism, and personal sacrifice, but also subtly explored mature psychological nuances beneath the surface propriety
The moral fabric of the Golden Age) was constructed around several key pillars:
The “Grey” Areas: While explicit sin was punished, directors—like Alfred Hitchcock or the pioneers of Film Noir—used complex character studies to examine the destructive nature of ambition, human flaws, and moral ambiguit
Strict Consequences for Wrongdoing: Under the enforcement of the Production Code, sympathy could never be cast on the villain, and unlawful behavior had to be punished. This ensured characters experienced absolute moral accountability.
The Sanctity of Marriage and Family: Romance was governed by chivalry, long-term commitment, and fidelity. Even married couples were famously depicted in separate beds on screen to adhere to the strict decency standards of the era.
Patriotism and Community: Classic heroes often embodied self-sacrifice for the greater good. Films tackled social injustice and political corruption while relying heavily on themes of civic duty, as in Frank Capra’s Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939).
I’m a proponent of discussing lessons from what we watch, not just ingesting. Movies, TV shows, books, magazine articles, and even blogs like this convey moral messages. I don’t want to be programmed by the messages; I want to think them through. The same for my kids; I want them to think and decide. So we discuss what we watch, asking questions like what choices the characters made, and what the consequences of the choices were. We filter everything through scripture.
These are some of my favorite classic movies and some of the lessons that can be gleaned from them.
The Best Years of Our Lives (1946)
Three servicemen return home from WWII to a country that has moved on without them, each struggling to reintegrate into work, marriage, and identity. One man returns to his wife of 20 years. One to the wife he married just before going to war. The last returns to his girlfriend, who expects to be married soon. The film doesn’t offer easy triumph—one man battles alcoholism, one unemployment, another loses his hands and fears he’s now a burden to those who love him.
The moral weight here is in perseverance and honest reckoning: characters have to face what the war cost them rather than pretend it didn’t happen.
A good discussion question around this overarching theme is: What do the characters owe each other in rebuilding trust, and what do they owe themselves?
In keeping with the code, the sanctity of marriage is preserved. One man’s marriage is struggling, so the young, compassionate daughter of the older veteran is very alluring. The chemistry is obvious. There are two scenes I absolutely love around this potential affair. The young woman, Peggy, played by Thersa Wright, says she’s going to break up the marriage because she can see that the man’s marriage is broken. When her parents confront her, she says they wouldn’t understand because they had a perfect marriage.
Her mother responds:
Milly Stephenson: “We never had any trouble.” How many times have I told you I hated you and believed it in my heart? How many times have you said you were sick and tired of me; that we were all washed up? How many times have we had to fall in love all over again?
The reality hits Peggy and convicts her.
The other is when Peggy’s father confronts the man, Fred, whose marriage Peggy wanted to break up.
Al: I happen to be quite fond of Peggy, and I, uh…
Fred: …don’t want her to get mixed up with a heel like me.
Al: I haven’t called you a heel, yet. I just don’t want to see her get into this mess…I don’t like the idea of you sneaking around corners to see Peggy, taking her love on a bootleg basis. I give you fair warning. I’m going to do everything I can to keep her away from you, to help her forget about you, and get her married to some decent guy who can make her happy.
Fred: Then, I guess that’s it, Al. I don’t see her anymore. I’ll put that in the form of a guarantee. I won’t see her anymore. I’ll call her up and tell her so. Does that satisfy you?
I love it. Al is a real father who defends his daughter and preserves the sanctity of marriage.
These scenes have many possibilities for discussion. Is it all right for a bad marriage to end? Under what circumstances is it, and under what circumstances isn’t it? The bible speaks of adultery being one reason that divorce is permissible. Are there others? Do any of those apply to Fred? Is it all right for Peggy and Fred to marry if Fred is divorced? Did Al make the right choice confronting Fred, or should he have left that choice to his daughter?
The scene that brings tears to my eyes every time is between the man who lost his hands, Homar, and his girlfriend. Homar thinks he’ll be a burden and doesn’t want to marry Wilma. He’s ashamed. Wilma is persistent. I love the dialogue in the climactic moment in their relationship.
Homer: I’m lucky I have my elbows. Some of the boys don’t, but I can’t button them up.
Wilma: I’ll do that, Homer.
Homer: This is when I know I’m helpless. My hands are down there on the bed. I can’t put them on again without calling to somebody for help. I can’t smoke a cigarette or read a book. If that door should blow shut, I can’t open it and get out of this room. I’m as dependent as a baby that doesn’t know how to get anything except to cry for it. Well, now you know, Wilma. Now you have an idea of what it is. I guess you don’t know what to say. It’s all right. Go on home. Go away like your family said.
Wilma: I know what to say, Homer. I love you and I’m never going to leave you, never. [She kisses him]
Homer: You mean you, you didn’t mind?
Wilma: Of course not. I told you I loved you.
Homer: I love you, Wilma. I always have and I always will.
I love it! What a loving character Wilma has. She sees beyond Homer’s handicap and sees the man she loves.
There are many questions that could be asked about this relationship. Why does Homer pull away? Is he right to do so? Would Wilma be right to leave as her parents suggested? Why does she stay? How do we see handicapped people? How does God want us to see them?
Casablanca (1942)
Set in WWII, Casablanca follows cynical American expat Rick Blaine. When his former lover, Ilsa, arrives at his Moroccan nightclub with her husband, a heroic resistance leader, Rick must choose between personal happiness and helping them escape Nazi persecution to fight the war.
One of the most iconic lines in movie history is spoken by Rick (Humphry Bogart): “Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.”
Rick speaks this line after Isla Lund (Ingrid Bergman) walks into his gin joint with her husband, the well-known Czech resistance leader Victor Laszlo. Rick and Isla had shared a passionate affair in Paris, just before it fell to the Nazis, when Isla believed that her husband had died in a concentration camp. Rick is left alone at a train station where he had been waiting for Isla, who never came.
Rick Blaine, a cynical expatriate, has to choose between personal happiness with Ilsa and the larger cause of resisting fascism—ultimately sacrificing his own desire for her safety and the war effort. It’s a study in delayed gratification and putting duty above self-interest, but it’s also honest about how much that costs Rick.
Once again, per the code, the sanctity of marriage is preserved. The film grapples with the love between Rick and Isla. It pits love against duty and the greater good of others. Was Rick’s sacrifice noble, or does the film ask us to question whether love should have won out?
Rick confronts the evil on Nazizism. How should we confront evil? Fight against it? Resist it? Let it happen as long as it doesn’t affect us? These are questions Rick wrestles with. Did he make the right choice?
Boys Town (1938)
Father Flanagan’s (Spencer Tracy) belief that “there’s no such thing as a bad boy” drives the founding of a home for delinquent youth, tested most severely by Whitey Marsh (Micky Rooney), a hardened kid who resists redemption at every turn. The film argues for the transformative power of trust and mentorship over punishment.
Whitey goes to Boys Town reluctantly because his other brother does not want Whitey to turn out like him.
One question to ask about Whitey’s brother is this: Is Whitey’s brother trying to earn redemption by helping his brother? What do you think is his motive? Can anyone earn redemption?
Whitey’s journey in the movie follows a very specific arc:
Redemption: Through Father Flanagan’s tough love and patience, Whitey eventually learns the value of the town’s democratic rules, takes his responsibilities seriously, and changes his behavior.
Initial Rebellion: When Father Flanagan (Spencer Tracy) brings Whitey to the self-governing community, the boy scoffs at the rules, tries to leave, and picks fights with fellow residents.
The “Boss” Mentality: Whitey attempts to seize control by running for campus mayor, campaigning against the incumbent Freddie Fuller.
He His breaking point is when he decides to leave, and the little punk kid who follows him everywhere is hit by a car.
I tear up every time I watch that scene. It’s Pee Wee’s love for Whitey that finally breaks him. His tough-guy demeanor and mask break off, and the real Whitey emerges.
Father Flanagan continually shows grace to Whitey but always leaves the choice to him. He doesn’t stop Whitey from leaving. This parallels God’s pursuit of us. God offers grace but doesn’t force us to stay.
Where’s the line between giving someone grace and enabling bad behavior? The film has a clear answer. Do you agree?
Whitey’s run for mayor illustrates his change.
The First Election: He campaigns on a rebellious platform with the slogan “Don’t be a sucker!” However, the boys elect a disabled boy, Tony Ponessa, instead.
The Boxing Match: After a bitter outburst over the loss, Whitey challenges the outgoing mayor to a boxing match and loses that as well.
Becoming Mayor: After leaving the facility, getting caught up in a bank robbery, and risking his life to protect the reputation of Boys Town, a reformed Whitey is elected the new mayor of Boys Town by acclamation at the end of the film.
Like his brother, is Whitey now trying to earn redemption, or has his change of character caused him to respond and behave differently out of gratitude? Is he still prideful, or has he become humble?
What does the movie teach us about redemption, sacrifice, and grace?
Meet John Doe (1941)
A fabricated “everyman” letter-writer becomes a media sensation and then a tool for a media mogul’s political ambitions, forcing the ordinary man hired to play “John Doe” to decide whether to expose the fraud or let it ride. Frank Capra’s populism is on full display—the film distrusts manipulation by power and money, and elevates the conscience of the common man. Good conversation starter: what does the film say about how easily people can be swept up in movements, and what does it take to break from the crowd?
Frank Capra made some of my all-time favorites. These include:
It Happened One Night (1934): The ultimate screwball comedy starring Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert, which swept the “Big Five” Oscars. Mr. Deeds Goes to Town (1936): A heartwarming tale of a small-town tuba player inheriting a fortune and taking on city corruption. You Can’t Take It With You (1938): An eccentric comedy about living life on your own terms that won Best Picture. [1] Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939): A deeply patriotic and politically stirring drama about an idealistic junior senator fighting corruption. It’s a Wonderful Life (1946): The iconic Christmas classic. It follows George Bailey, a selfless man who gives up his personal dreams of travel to run his family’s building-and-loan company. With the help of his guardian angel, Clarence, he learns the profound impact he has had on his community.
Meet John Doe begins with a publicity stunt. As a parting shot at her boss, fired reporter Ann Mitchell (Barbara Stanwyck) prints a fake letter from unemployed “John Doe,” who threatens suicide in protest of social ills. The paper rehires Ann and hires John Willoughby (Gary Cooper) to impersonate “Doe.” Ann and her bosses milk the story for all it’s worth. The made-up “John Doe” philosophy starts a whole social movement, and people form “Joe Doe Clubs”. People, including Ann, start to believe in the movement. Publisher D.B. Norton (Edward Arnold) has a secret plan to benefit himself and gain power.
The whole John Doe movement is based on “Love your neighbor,” which Jesus called the 2nd greatest command. Matthew 22:36–40
I love the end of the movie because it points back to the sacrifice Jesus made for us.
There are a few lessons to discuss in the movie. As with many Frank Capra movies, it pits the common man against the big and powerful men. What does the Bible say about how we are to treat those in power? Romans 13:1-6. Is there any room for resistance or fighting against corruption and greed, and the abuse of power? Acts 5:29
How is loving our neighbor portrayed in the movie? Is it done out of selfish ambition or genuine concern? What does the Bible say about our motives for doing good? Matthew 6:1-4 and Philippians 2:3-4
The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit (1956)
Tom Rath (Gregory Peck), a WWII veteran turned corporate employee, wrestles with ambition, a hidden wartime secret, and the question of what he actually owes to his wife and family versus his career. Pressured by his wife, Betsy (Jennifer Jones), to pursue the “American Dream,” Tom leaves a mundane non-profit job for a high-stress corporate public relations position in New York City. Unlike many Code-era films, this one grapples with moral compromise rather than resolving it cleanly. There’s real ambiguity about whether success and integrity can coexist.
Tom Rath is the kind of husband and father I want to be. I don’t want to live for my career. I want to live for my God and family. Tom chooses his family over his career.
Tom is also bluntly honest rather than a “yes man.” I love this scene of his honesty.
The film also grapples with infidelity, a child born out of wedlock, and forgiveness. It doesn’t provide simple answers. It doesn’t hide the sin, but recognizes the wrong.
I love the ending of the film. There is genuine forgiveness and love.
The film raises several moral questions. Two characters choose career over family. One chooses a career, and one chooses family. The consequences of those choices are shown clearly. What were those consequences? Who made the better choice and why? Was one choice more biblical than the other? Why?
When Tom is bluntly honest with his boss, should he have been? What was the consequence of his honesty? Could he have been more tactful? Does his choice and the way he handled it line up biblically?
Tom also has to be honest with his wife about a sin he committed against her. Did he make the right choice? Initially, the wife drives away and almost hurts herself. Did she handle the honesty well?
The wife chooses forgiveness. Was this the right thing to do? What were the consequences of the choice her husband made during the war? Was there an “innocent victim” of that choice? Were the needs of that victim met?
To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)
Atticus Finch defends a Black man falsely accused of rape in a prejudiced Southern town, teaching his children Scout and Jem about justice, empathy, and moral courage even when the outcome is unjust. It’s maybe the clearest example on your list of the Code-era’s “civic duty” pillar merging with something deeper—Atticus does right knowing he’ll likely lose, because the doing is what matters.
This film is based on a wonderful classic book and handles it well.
The movie begins with simple kids simply having fun. They are drawn to the scary house of Boo Radley(Robert Duvall) and share rumors and gossip about Boo. They are afraid to even be on the porch.
The center of the story is really the trial of a black man falsely accused of rape. Atticus is asked to put his reputation online to defend a “Negro.”
All of this is seen through the innocent eyes of Jean Louise ‘Scout’ Finch. Through the eyes of a child, we witness a gross injustice.
One of my favorite scenes is when Scout is asked to stand up for her father, because of the repect he should have for what he is doing.
Watching it still makes my eyes moist.
There are many lessons that can be discussed, beginning with the mistrust of Boo, who befriends Scout and ultimately saves her life. Why does Scout fear Boo? Is it right to spread gossip? How does Boo treat Scout and her brother Jem?
What risk does Atticus take? What choices does he make, and what are the consequences to his family? What does it cost Atticus to take the case, and would we do the same thing in his position?
A Few Final Words
None of these films are scripture, and none of their moral universes map perfectly onto ours. The Hays Code gave us tidy endings and clear consequences, but real life is messier than a 1940s reel. Fred and Al’s confrontation doesn’t resolve every question about broken marriages, and Atticus’s courage didn’t fix Maycomb’s prejudice overnight. That’s actually the point. These films aren’t meant to hand us answers; they’re meant to hand us questions worth sitting with.
That’s why my family doesn’t just watch and move on. We pause. We ask what a character chose, what it cost them, and whether scripture would have them choose differently. Sometimes the film’s answer holds up. Sometimes it doesn’t—and that’s a good conversation too. Homer and Wilma teach us something about how we see the broken and the burdened. Whitey and Father Flanagan teach us something about grace and its limits. Tom Rath teaches us that career and integrity don’t always come free.
I’d rather my kids grow up asking these questions with me now, over old movies with lower stakes, than have to ask them for the first time when the stakes are their own marriage, their own career, their own moral crossroads. That’s what these films are for in our house—not moral programming, but moral practice.
So the next time you sit down for a classic, don’t just watch it. Talk about it. Ask what you’d have done. Ask what God asks of you instead. That’s where the real story starts.
While reading Heidi with my wife, I was struck by the Biblical Lessons. I noticed that other classics such as The Swiss Family Robinson, The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, and To Kill a Mockingbird were filled with obvious Christian themes.
Stories — even secular ones — often carry echoes of biblical truth, and parents can use them as a bridge into deeper spiritual conversation. It’s as if the DNA for all great stories is in biblical truths of sacrifice, love, and redemption.
C.S. Lewis himself was converted when he noticed the most beloved Myths and Fables had Christian themes. C.S. Lewis famously concluded that Christianity was the ultimate “true myth”. He didn’t just notice Christian themes in favorite fables; he realized that Christ was the historical fulfillment of the deep, recurring themes and longings found in all ancient myths and stories.
Why Stories Are a Natural Bridge to Scripture
Jesus taught in parables — stories were his primary teaching method.
Jesus taught in parables to hide the meaning from those who would not want to understand
He explained it privately to his disciples.
He used common experiences understood in that culture, such as farming, shepherding, and traveling on foot over dangerous roads.
Kids grasp abstract truths (grace, sacrifice, courage) more easily through narrative than direct teaching.
Princeton researchers found that the brains of storytellers and listeners mirror each other, making an emotion or concept feel deeply personal.
Stories translate vague theories into tangible scenarios that are relatable to children. For example, rather than explaining how we should love our enemies, a narrative about a rat who loves a mouse who hates him brings that idea to life.
How to “Extract” a Bible Lesson from Any Story A repeatable method, parallel to your “Questions You Can Ask” section:
Identify the character’s choice — what did they do, and why?
Ask what the story values (courage, sacrifice, forgiveness, honesty)
Find the Scripture or Biblical truth that echoes it
Ask your child to connect the dots themselves before you say it.
Examples From Children’s Literature I’ve Read
Charlotte’s Web
Charlotte shows sacrificial love.
Charlotte works hard to save Wilbur’s life.
Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. John 15:13
A Little Princess
Sara Crewe masters dignity under pressure and kindness as a choice by treating her nobility of spirit as an inner reality rather than an external circumstance. When stripped of her wealth and abused, she proves that true grace comes from choosing compassion over cruelty, even when no one is watching.
Aslan shows substitutionary redemption by giving his life for Edmund, who betrayed his family. This parallels Jesus’ sacrifice for our redemption.
The family and Aslan showEdmund unconditional forgiveness.
Heidi
The obvious one was the story of the Prodigal Son that Heidi read to Grandfatherand eventually led to his redemption.
Heidi learns contentment even when she is taken from her Grandfather’s home, which is a good example of applying Paul’s lesson in Philippians 4:11-13
When Heidi is deeply homesick in Frankfurt, the grandmother teaches her to cry out directly to God when she has a sorrow she cannot share with anyone else. This points directly to the biblical instruction in Philippians 4:6 to bring all requests to God.
Based on Matthew 5:44, where Jesus tells us to love our enemies.
Barnabas, the rat, is hated by Rhubarb, the mouse, simply because Rhubarb hates rats. Barnabas shows nothing but kindness to Rhubarb and his family, even risking his own life.
Not every lesson in a children’s book lines up with Scripture. Some come close but teach something subtly different — and that gap is actually a gift, not a problem, if we know how to use it. Some teach lessons contrary to Scripture, and I want my kids to know that. What I dislike about Frances Hodgson Burnett’s books is that she often refers to “magic” rather than the Holy Spirit of God. Chronicles of Narnia also uses “deep magic,” but it is an allegory where things like “magic” actually represent something Biblical. Even Christian books can miss the mark. When my kids were little, I read a book that was a gospel presentation, but it missed a key component of the Gospel: repentance. I inserted this word when I read it and pointed out its absence to my kids.
Take the “good things happen to good people” theme. It shows up constantly in children’s stories: the kind character gets rewarded, the selfish one learns a lesson and reforms, the story wraps up neatly with virtue paying off. It’s not a bad message — kindness should be encouraged. But it’s not the gospel. It’s karma dressed up as morality. Scripture teaches something harder and better: grace. God’s love and rescue aren’t earned by good behavior. “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). Grace runs in the opposite direction of “be good and good things will happen to you.” It says good things happened to us even though we were nowhere near good.
I don’t think we need to avoid these books. I think we need to notice the gap out loud, with our kids.
This builds discernment, not just pattern-matching
If we only ever point out where a story lines up with the Bible, our kids learn a kind of pattern-matching — “this is like that verse” — without learning to actually think critically about what a story is teaching. But if we also point out where a story almost gets it right but doesn’t, we’re teaching them something more valuable: how to test what they read and watch against Scripture for the rest of their lives, long after they’ve outgrown picture books.
This matters more as they get older. Middle schoolers and teens are absorbing messages constantly — from shows, from friends, from social media — that sound wise or moral but quietly reshape what they believe about God, sin, and grace. If they’ve practiced noticing the difference between “earn it” and “grace” in a bedtime story at age seven, they’ll be far better equipped to catch it in a Netflix show at age fifteen.
A simple way to raise this with your child: “This story says good things happen to good people. Is that what the Bible says? What does the Bible say happens to us, even when we’re not good?” Let them sit with it. Let them find the tension themselves.
Show, don’t tell — even here.
This is also a good moment to apply my own criteria for good children’s books: show, don’t tell. I don’t want to lecture my kids on the difference between karma and grace. I want to ask a question and let them work it out, the same way I’d want a well-written book to reveal a moral through the story rather than stating it outright.
So instead of saying, “This book is wrong, here’s the real answer,” I’ll ask something like, “Do you think the character earned the ending, or was it a gift?” Then I let the conversation go wherever it goes. Sometimes my daughters land on the answer right away. Sometimes it takes a few more questions. Either way, they get there themselves — and what they discover on their own sticks far longer than what I hand them.
Practical Ways to Do This at Home
Reading time discussion questions.
What choices did the characters make?
What were the consequences of those choices?
What is the main moral lesson?
Does this line up with scripture?
A simple family ritual: “Bible bridge” question after each book/chapter.
What Bible Verses would fit for some of the things done or said?
What was the main point or outcome?
Do choices and lessons line up Biblically?
Journaling or discussion notebook idea.
Writing it down can force us to think and help us remember
It also gives a reference that we can circle back to time and again.
Closing
I’ve been reading to my children since they were babies. I wasn’t also good at pointing out the lessons, but as they grew older, I began to ask questions not only about what we read but also about what we watched.
While I sometimes pointed out the lesson, I found it better to ask open-ended questions and let them figure it out. This gets them thinking rather than me lecturing.
Reading to your children is vitally important, as I point out in this blog. Even more important is to engage them in discussion. I want my kids to think, not just ingest. I encourage you to get your kids to think. Ask questions. Find the answers together.
I didn’t set out to be shaped by books. I just kept reading the ones that found me at the right moment — usually because I needed exactly what was on the page, whether I knew it or not. A PBS lecture that stopped me in my tracks as a teenager. A book on grace I picked up during a season of shame. A book on awe that made me change churches. A book on marriage I read before I even had a ring to give.
These six books didn’t just inform me — they formed me. Each one met me somewhere specific: in my performance-driven false self, in my temper, in my faith gone lukewarm, in my understanding of what it means to love someone for a lifetime. I’ve included a short summary of each book, followed by the ideas that resonated most and how they actually changed the way I think, believe, and live.
This isn’t a list of books I merely enjoyed. It’s a record of the ones that left a mark.
A warm, philosophical meditation on what it means to truly and unconditionally love others and yourself. Buscaglia argues that love isn’t a fixed resource but grows the more it’s given away, and he pushes readers to live with more openness, vulnerability, and joy. He was inspired to write this as a result of a student committing suicide.
My parents called me into the family room, saying, “Bob, you need to see this.” Leo Buscaglia was giving a lecture on PBS. I was mesmerized. He spoke of love and affection in a way that resonated with my spirit. I was only a teenager, but his words and stories impacted me. I later bought and read his book, “Love.” I consumed it.
What Resonated
Love is not a limited resource — the more you give, the more you have.
This mirrored Christ’s teaching and my beliefs as a Christian.
Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Luke 6:38
Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. 2 Corinthians 9:6-7
Love is not an emotion, but a choice. It is a call to action.
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5. These are not words of emotion but of action.
For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her. Ephesians 5:25. Notice Jesus gave up his life. He chose to give, to sacrifice. Husbands are called to do the same/
Self-love is a prerequisite for loving others well, not selfishness.
This one I disagreed with. Jesus did say we are to love others as we love ourselves. Mathew 22:39. This does not imply we love ourselves first. It means we naturally do what is good for ourselves, so we must also do good to others.
I do agree that love is not selfish. It is other-centered.
Vulnerability and openness are essential; fear and self-protection kill connection.
Love can’t exist without trust. We gain trust when we are open and vulnerable. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. James 5:16
There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear expects punishment. 1 John 4:18.
Love should be active and expressed, not just felt privately.
Love is not a feeling. Feelings we can guard, hide, and refuse to express. Real love is outward. It is expressed by giving to the other.
Children/people learn to love by being loved unconditionally.
This one pulls at my heart because I love children and have actively tried to help them all my adult life as a ministry leader, as a single man playing with fatherless children, as a “Big Brother” to a teen and now as a father.
We set the example of unconditional love for kids. They learn by observing what we do and how we treat others.
A tender exploration of identity rooted in God’s unconditional love. Manning contrasts the “impostor” self we build out of fear and performance with the true self God already accepts, drawing on his own struggles with addiction and shame.
No book has impacted me more than this one. I’ve read it multiple times and given copies to friends. It speaks to my heart more than any book I’ve read.
What Resonated
Most people live as an “impostor” — a false self built on performance, image, and approval
This resonated with me because my false self is also built on performance. I want to look good. I play to an imaginary audience rather than the audience of one (God).
“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10. To truly be devoted to Christ, we don’t aim to please people.
The true self is the one already loved and accepted by God (“Abba,” meaning intimate Father)
I need to live in this acceptance that God loves me, not my performance.
God so loved ME that he gave his only begotten son. John 3:16.
Shame and fear of unworthiness drive people into hiding and self-protection.
I lived with a besetting sin for years that I was ashamed of. I lived in a cycle of shame, repentance, and sinning more.
It took years, but God delivered me.
I still struggle with shame and unworthiness, so I have to remind myself of the gospel.
Grace means being loved before and despite failure, not because of achievement.
I’ve been so programmed by the merit system of the world and how achievement is awarded, that it is hard to accept this.
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
Manning uses his own struggles with alcoholism to show grace applies even in relapse and weakness.
I had my own struggles too. I had to accept grace with every relapse and weakness.
“Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me.”
Recovering identity as God’s beloved child breaks the cycle of striving.
I need to live in the identity as God’s believed son.
I often remind myself that I too am a Beloved son in whom God is well pleased. Mathew 3:17. When God sees me, he sees Jesus because Jesus paid the price, so that it is as if I never sinned and as if I’ve always obeyed. I have the righteousness of Christ. “But to him who does not work but believes on Him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is accounted for righteousness,” Romans 4:5.
Bevere makes the case that modern faith has lost a healthy sense of reverence for God, and that recovering “the fear of the Lord” — awe, not terror — is the missing key to spiritual transformation and intimacy with God.
I changed churches after reading this book. It impacted me so much. It challenged some beliefs I had. It opened me up to experiences I never had. The changes I made after reading the book increased my spiritual growth to the next level.
What Resonated
Modern Christianity has lost the “fear of the Lord” and replaced it with casual familiarity.
I think the American church is too similar to the church in Laodicea. We’ve lost our passion for Christ and the gospel. We’ve lost our fire. Like the church in Laodicea, we are neither cold nor hot. Revelation 3:14
I, too, have been lukewarm. Though I’ve always served in the church, read my Bible and devoted myself to prayer, I lost my passion, my fire.
After reading the book, I got it back.
Fear of the Lord ≠ terror — it’s reverence, wonder, and awe at God’s holiness.
I’ve always understood that the fear of God was not being afraid of him. As John Bevere put it, it is the fear of being separated from him.
It’s being in awe of who he is and his amazing grace.
This awe is described in Scripture as “the beginning of wisdom.”
When we see God for who he is and ourselves for who we are, we realize we are not wise. Only God is wise and we need his insight.
Proverbs 9:10 states that “the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom”. Bevere explains that this is the entry point. Just as a physical key opens a door, cultivating a reverent awe for God gives access to divine discernment, insight, and a purposeful life.
Loss of awe leads to compromise, shallow faith, and diminished transformation.
If we don’t see God for who he is, we are more prone to the temptations and allurements of the world. We will compromise for our own pleasure. Our faith won’t move mountains; it will shrink back in fear of “giants.”
When we are stuck in a rut or worse, moving backward, we are not transformed. God desires us to be transformed, to be remade in his image.
Recovering awe restores intimacy with God rather than distancing from Him.
This is what I long for. After reading this book, I realized I lacked real intimacy and the manifest presence of God we all long for.
Reading this gave me a fervent hunger for God’s presence. I’m beginning to experience him in new ways and it is amazing.
Awe should shape everyday choices, not just religious moments.
We pray more and more, “Thy will be done.”
We want every thought, every action, and every decision to be in line with God’s will now more than ever.
A theological and practical look at marriage as a vehicle for spiritual growth rather than personal fulfillment alone. The Kellers weave in their own 30+ years together to argue that self-giving love, not compatibility, is what makes marriages thrive.
Before we were married, my wife-to-be and I read this book together. It has benefited our marriage in more ways than I can count. It defined the entire purpose and trajectory of our union.
What Resonated
Marriage’s purpose is spiritual growth and holiness, not personal happiness alone Culture’s “soulmate” model (find your perfect match) sets marriage up to fail.
Defining the purpose of marriage set the whole course of our marriage. It’s not about making each other happy. It’s about helping each other grow in Chirstlikeness.
This helps me see my and my wife’s faults as tools to help each other grow rather than annoyances that need to change.
It’s not my job to change my wife’s fault. My job is to surrender my faults to God so he changes me.
Marriage is fundamentally about self-giving love, modeled on Christ’s sacrificial love.
Marriage is not about getting what I want. It’s about giving to my wife and kids what they need.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Ephesians 5:25
Both spouses are flawed sinners — friction is normal and even useful for growth.
Seeing each other as flawed and knowing friction is normal and USEFUL is key to working though the friction and flaws.
When there is friction, we need to pray.
Gender roles/complementarity are addressed from a traditional theological lens
My wife is from the Philippines, so she wants male leadership, but that doesn’t mean I lord it over her to get my way. I must surrender to God’s way and lordship if I’m going to make decisions that are best for my family.
The greatest among you shall be your servant. Matthew 23:11
We strive for oneness in our marriage. When we agree on a decision, we have greater confidence that we are following God’s wil.
Singleness and marriage are both valid callings; marriage isn’t the ultimate goal of life.
I was single for 47 years. I know this. As a single I served in various ministries.
Married, we serve individually, together, and as a family.
Practical sections on sex, roles, and weathering hard seasons together.
Central to these is to be other-centered, not self-centered.
We live for the pleasure, joy and happiness of the other.
A classic personal-development framework built around character over quick-fix techniques. Covey’s habits move from self-mastery (be proactive, begin with the end in mind) to interdependence (think win-win, seek first to understand), aiming at lasting effectiveness rooted in principles.
This book impacted me so much that I’ve given presentations at several jobs throughout my career. I do my best to live by these principles still, many decades later.
What Resonated
Private Victory (self-mastery) comes before Public Victory (relationships)
Be Proactive — take responsibility; you choose your response/
So many times we react to issues rather than planning our response.
Especially when it comes to temptations to do something wrong, I need to decide ahead of time what I will do.
Begin with the End in Mind — define your values/mission first.
I don’t want to go aimlessly through life.
Covey tells us to think about our funeral. What will people say? What will they remember? Choose what you want to be remembered for.
Put First Things First — prioritize by importance, not urgency
Choose to do what is important. All of us have to do what is urgent and important. We need to plan what is not urgent but important. We should avoid the unimportant but urgent and remove the unimportant and not urgent.
In our marriage, we decided to be intentional about a few things that mattered most, like precious one-on-one time, family time, devotional time, less screen time, and more outdoor time.
I know I want what I want and will fight for it rather than considering the other.
When I think win-win, I’m also considering what will be beneficial to the other.
This is not a compromise, but rather finding the 3rd alternative that both want so both win.
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood — empathetic listening before persuading
I know I still fight this. I think in terms of response and defending my own opinion rather than listening to understand.
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry” James 1:19. It agrees with Covey in that we need to actively process what others say rather than hastily formulating our own replies, which helps to prevent misunderstandings and unnecessary conflict.
Synergize — collaboration produces more than individual effort.
I’m independent. I rarely delegate or seek help. I’m working on changing, because I do need others.
When we work together, we accomplish more. Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Sharpen the Saw — continual renewal (physical, mental, social, spiritual)
Our family purposly seeks time with God
We do family devotionals every evening
My wife and I do devotions together and individuall
We watch a Christian show like the Chosen every Sunday.
We intentionally spend time in God’s Creation by camping, hiking, or a simple walk around the neighborhood.
Effectiveness is built on character and principles, not tricks or techniques
A challenging, humor-laced case that righteous anger is a myth we use to excuse grudges — and that giving up our “right” to be offended is the path to real peace. Hansen mixes personal stories with a call to radical grace toward others.
I never thought I had an anger issue until I got married. As a single person, I could do what I wanted when I wanted. I could be on time. I didn’t have to consider a family’s schedule. I didn’t have to wait for others.
This book taught me that it is not good to respond in anger. It helped me change my thinking.
What Resonated
“Righteous anger” is largely a myth people use to justify holding grudges.
Jesus’ cleansing of the temple doesn’t justify human anger. God’s anger is qualitatively different from ours. God’s prerogatives don’t become our permissions. John 2:13-17 (note: Scripture never says He was angry)
We don’t have a “right” to be offended — releasing that right brings peace.
I suffer from “Irightus” thinking I’m always right. Because I’m right, I have the right to be mad. Wrong.
When we listen to the other side and empathize, we have peace.
Holding onto offense hurts the offended person more than the offender.
When we hold a grudge, it is we who are in prison, not the person we are holding the grudge against.
In Matthew 18:21-35, Jesus tells a parable about a king who forgives a servant a large debt, but that same servant won’t forgive a fellow servant, so the king puts the unforgiving servant in prison. That’s what happens to us when we don’t forgive. We are in a prison of our own making.
Grace means letting go of the ledger of wrongs, even when someone doesn’t deserve it.
We are shown grace. I know I need to remind myself all the time that I am forgiven.
When I feel shame, that’s when I want to blame others.
Being unoffendable doesn’t mean being a doormat — it means responding from peace, not reactivity.
Going back to Covey, we are not to be reactive, but proactive.
We need to communicate calmly, listening first and understanding the other, the responding.
Practicing this daily rewires default reactions from anger to grace.
Romans 12:2 says to be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
The more you put something consistently into practice, the sooner it becomes a habit or the norm.
I created a Bible Discussion for my men’s group. You can find it here.
Conclussion
Looking back at these six books together, I notice they’re not really six separate stories — they’re one story told from different angles. Buscaglia taught me love is a choice and an action. Manning taught me I’m loved before I perform. Bevere taught me to approach that love with awe, not casual familiarity. Keller taught me what that love looks like poured into a marriage. Covey taught me the daily discipline it takes to actually live it out. And Hansen taught me to let go of my grip on being right so grace has room to work.
It was enjoyable for me to look back at what I read and how it impacted me. It reminded me that I’m still a work in progress.
None of these books changed me the moment I closed the cover. The change came later — in the ordinary moments where I had to choose patience over irritation, humility over performance, presence over distraction. I’m still practicing most of what I read in these pages. I probably will be for the rest of my life.
If one of these resonated with you, I’d encourage you to pick it up — not to add another book to your shelf, but to let it do to you what it did to me.
Some of the best childhood memories aren’t made on vacations or at big events — they’re made on an ordinary Tuesday evening, sprawled on the living room floor, laughing so hard you can barely breathe. That’s the magic of family games. You don’t need fancy equipment, a big budget, or hours of free time. All you need is a little creativity, a willing group of players, and maybe a blanket or two for building the world’s greatest pillow fort.
Deuteronomy 6:6-7 says: “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” This not only commands us to be intentional about teaching our children but also highlights the importance of making family time a natural, daily rhythm.
Our family put this into practice by making time to connect through one-on-one time with our daughters, family time, outdoor time, and devotional time. We had to get creative to make time for intentional family time. This blog presents some of the things we did to spend quality time with our daughters.
This collection is a mix of games passed down through generations — the ones your parents and grandparents probably played — alongside a few silly inventions that emerged from bored kids looking for something to do. Some are quiet and thoughtful, like guessing games and storytelling. Others are loud, chaotic, and guaranteed to get everyone moving, like Sleeping Bear or a rousing round of Going on a Bear Hunt. There are games for outdoors and indoors, for toddlers and teenagers, for two players or twenty.
And it’s not just games — you’ll also find crafts to get your hands messy, simple science experiments to spark curiosity, and ideas for turning story time into real conversation.
Whether you’re looking to fill a lazy Sunday afternoon, entertain a house full of cousins, or create a reason to put the screens down for an hour, there’s something here for you. So gather the family, pick a game, and get ready to make some noise (and some memories).
Family Games
Sleeping bear
Rules
The bear lies down on the ground with its eyes closed, with honey in its paws.
The other players try to steal honey from the bear.
If the bear wakes, it chases other players. If the player is caught, they are out. If they reach a “goal,” something like a couch, they are safe.
The remaining person becomes the bear.
Comment
This was one of my kids’ favorites when they were little, especially when Daddy was the bear.
Going on a bear hunt
Here is the call-and-response routine:
Leader: We’re going on a bear hunt.
Group: We’re going on a bear hunt.
Leader: I’ve got my big binoculars!
Group: I’ve got my big binoculars!
Leader: I’m not scared.
Group: I’m not scared.
Leader: Oh no! It’s some long, wavy grass.
Group: Oh no! It’s some long, wavy grass.
Leader: Can’t go over it.
Group: Can’t go over it.
Leader: Can’t go under it.
Group: Can’t go under it.
Leader: Must go through it.
Group: Must go through it.
Leader: Oh no! We’ve got to go through it!
Group: Oh no! We’ve got to go through it!
Continue with obstacles until the cave
Leader: Oh no! It’s dark cave.
Group: Oh no! It’s dark cave.
Leader: Can’t go over it.
Group: Can’t go over it.
Leader: Can’t go under it.
Group: Can’t go under it.
Leader: Must go inside.
Group: Must go inside.
Leader: Sure is dark in here.
Group: Sure is dark in here.
Leader: I feel something furry.
Leader: It feels like a bear.
Leader: Rowr! It is a bear.
Go through every obstacle backward.
Leader: Slam the door
Leader: Whew.
The Obstacles
For each obstacle, repeat the “Can’t go over it…” verses, but change the action and sound effect while you “go through” it:
Long wavy grass:Swish, swish, swish (Move hands/hips side-to-side)
A deep, cold river:Splash, splash, splash (Slap hands on legs)
Muck and thick mud:Squelch, squelch, squelch (Stomp your feet)
A big, dark forest:Stumble, trip, stumble (Clumsy, heavy stomping)
A mountain rock:Grunt! (My climbing motions)
A narrow, dark cave:Step, step, step (Tiptoe quietly)
Silly story
The leader begins a story with a few sentences.
Each playing adds a few sentences to the story.
After a predetermined set of rounds, the leader ends the story.
A family enjoying a lively game night together on the couch
Hide the object behind the back
The leader hides an object.
Players guess what they have
Do it like 20 questions with yes/no answers.
What is missing?
Spread various objects in a line on the floor
Cover objects with blanket.
Remove one.
Players figure out what’s missing.
Sorting game
Choose objects that can be categorized, like coins, and separate them into chosen categories.
Bucket ball toss
Line up 5 or 6 buckets with various prizes in each bucket.
Toss a ball into each, starting with the closest.
Sink the foil boat with coins
Make a boat from foil.
Put one coin in each boat until they sink.
Last boat to sink is the winning boat.
Family nature walk
Go for a walk around the neighborhood, or a park or trail.
Purposely notice animals, bugs and plants.
Alphabet Games
Going to the zoo and going to see a …
Going on a camping trip and taking a…
Read one sentence from a story and guess the story.
Helps to have a series of stories you read multiple times.
Treasure hunt
Hide various riddle clues around the house.
The answer to each riddle is the next hidding place.
The last hiding place has a treasure (often a sweet treat).
“The Floor is Lava.”
Toss pillows around the floor.
Avoid steping on the floor by stepping on the pillows.
Make an indoor obstacle course.
Build a giant fort out of blankets, chairs and pillows.
Kids collaborate to build a cozy pillow and blanket fort in a living room.
Have a pillow fight.
Make me laugh
Based on the TV game show.
Set a minute timer.
One person tells jokes or does silly things to make another player laugh.
Puppet Show
Can make puppets as a craft or buy some.
Have fun with your own skit or find a prepared one.
Act out a story you’ve read with the kids.
Acting relay
This wonderful theater game will have everyone laughing. As the facilitator, go through a series of pantomiming everyday tasks or experiences: going camping, eating an ice cream cone, bowling, changing a tire, changing a light bulb, listening to music on your iPod, watching a movie, being a rock musician, blowing out candles on a birthday cake, or making pancakes. The list can go on forever! Give the roles in turn to each player.
Bible Games
Guess Biblical Character
The leader chooses a character from the Bible.
The leader gives a hint.
Take turn guessing.
Alternate hint and guessing until someone gets the right character.
Scripture Memory
Choose a verse to remember.
Say the first word of the verse and toss a ball to another person.
Person with ball says the next word.
Keep tossing the ball and saying the next word until the whole verse is said.
Repent
Have one person be Jesus
The others run away from him.
Jesus yells, “Repent!”
Those running turn around and run back to him.
Traditional Games
I spy
Tag
Hide and Seek
Sardines variation where one hides, but when found the others hide with the person
Added tag. When the person runs to a goal. If tagged, then out.
Ghost in the graveyard. Normally down at night. All hide together; when the ghost is spotted, yell “A ghost!” and run from it
Hot Potato
Musical Chairs
Scavenger hunt
Balloon volley ball
Keep balloon in the air
Crafts – Here are a few ideas to get you started.
Shared drawing
Choose something to draw like a bird.
Set a minute timer.
Everyone begins to draw on their own paper.
When timer is done pass paper to the left.
Everyone adds to the drawing until eveyone has added to each of the drawings.
Papermache
Base Form: Use balloons, chicken wire, or crumpled newspaper (or foil) to shape your creation. Paper: Standard, non-shiny newspaper torn into 1- to 2-inch strips. Tearing creates jagged edges that blend more smoothly than cut edges. Paste: Mix 1 part all-purpose flour to 2 parts warm water until it reaches a pancake-batter consistency. Add a pinch of salt to prevent mold. (Alternatively, use 1 part white school glue to 1 part water)
Prepare the Object
Build the underlying shape of your object. You can bunch up newspaper and secure it with masking tape, or use an inflated balloon for hollow shapes like bowls or piñatas.
Apply the Paper
Dip a strip of paper into your paste, run it between two fingers to wipe off the excess, and lay it flat over your base. Smooth the strip down with your fingers to press out any air bubbles. Overlap the strips and lay them in alternating directions (horizontal, vertical, and diagonal) to build a strong crisscross structure.
Let It Dry
Allowthe wet paper mache to dry completely before applying additional layers. This typically takes about 24 hours, depending on the humidity.
You will need 2 to 3 layers for basic projects, or 4 to 6 layers if your final object requires extra sturdiness or needs to be cut open.
Decorate and Finish
Once your final layer is completely dry, you can use fine-grit sandpaper to smooth out any rough bumps or ragged edges. Seal the surface with a primer or a glue-and-water mixture, then decorate it with acrylic paints.
Owl
Draw or print a picture of an owl
Use colored tissue paper torn into small pieces as feathers
Glue feathers using stick glue
Cut our round black circles for eyes, or use buttons or googly eyes.
Science experiments – here are some ideas to get you started
Simple Acid Base
Marerials
Foil Tray
Plastic Cups
Eyedropper
Food coloring, primary colors only (red, blue, yellow).
Vinegar
Baking Soda
Step by Step Instructions
Scatter baking soda in piles on the foil tray.
Pour vinegar and food coloring into cups. One color per cup.
Use an eyedropper to drop the vinegar mixture onto the baking soda.
Pour water into your jar until it is about 1/4 to 1/3 full.
Add 5 to 10 drops of food coloring to the water.
Fill the rest of the container with vegetable oil, leaving a little space at the top. You will notice the oil floats on top of the water because it is less dense.
If you want an extra sparkly effect, add some glitter.
Break an Alka-Seltzer tablet into 2 to 4 smaller pieces. Drop one piece into the oil and watch the bubbling lava effect begin.
When the fizzing slows down, add another piece of the tablet to keep the reaction going.
Reading Stories – Suggestions
Read stories aloud to the kids.
Have the kids read the story when they are able.
Read a chapter a night until the book is finished.
Ask questions about the book.
What choices did the characters make?
What were the consequences of those choices?
What did you like about the story?
What didn’t you like?
What’s the main point the author was trying to convey?
Does the message agree with our values and scripture?
It’s not the activity that matters; it’s the intentional choice to spend time together as a family that does. Choose activities that fit your family and your schedule. Make time for what matters most.
How We Built Intentional Family Time — And What It Taught Us
It’s 7:45 pm. Teeth are brushed, pajamas are on, and my youngest is negotiating for “just one more minute” before the towel comes out and objects disappear from the carpet in front of her. She squints, trying to remember what was there a second ago. This is family time — ten minutes we’ve protected almost every night for years, long before either of my daughters could tell time on their own.
Most families don’t choose their routine; it chooses them. Kids have school, parents have work, meals need to be made, and by the time the dishes are done, everyone collapses in front of a screen and the day repeats itself. We didn’t want to live a cycle that was simply handed to us, so early in our marriage — when our kids were still very little — we decided to be intentional about a few things that mattered most, like precious one-on-one time, family time, devotional time, less screen time and more outdoor time. It made a bigger difference than we expected.
On a typical day, my wife or I make breakfast, she drives the kids to school, and I head to work. When the kids get home, they get half an hour on their devices before homework starts, and I help as needed. My youngest has gymnastics twice a week; my oldest crochets and draws. We watch very little TV — maybe an hour on the nights my youngest doesn’t have practice. That’s our routine. Except…
A family enjoys reading devotional books together on a cozy couch by the fireplace
The Bedtime Routine We Built on Purpose
We decided early in our marriage, when the kids were very little, that we would be purposeful about how we spent our time especialy with our kids.
Once the necessities were done — cleaned up, dressed, teeth brushed — we carved out a sequence of small, deliberate rituals:
One-on-one time. For ten minutes, I’d sit with one daughter while my wife spent time with the other, then we’d swap. The child got to choose the activity. We alternated who started with whom each night so it never felt lopsided. As the girls got older and the whole routine started running long, they told us they’d rather just have family time — so we let one-on-one time go. Kids grow out of things, and that’s fine; the goal was never to keep every piece forever.
Family time. Ten more minutes, but this time Mom and Dad chose the activity. Often it was a simple made-up game like “What’s Missing?” — we’d set objects on the floor, cover them with a towel, remove one, and see if the kids could name it. Other nights it was hide-and-seek or whatever silly thing came to mind. One of my favorites was reading from a story one sentence and guessing the story. Some stories we had read so many times, the kids had them practically memorized. The kids won this game more than the parents.
Story time. I’d snuggle with my daughters and read aloud, which eventually turned into working through a chapter at a time. Charlotte’s Web is still one of my favorite memories from those nights. I loved that story, as did my kids. I later wrote a whole post on The Importance of Reading Aloud: Benefits for Children
Family devotion. We’d read scripture, play a kids’ worship song, and pray together. As the girls got older, the song dropped away, and we added devotional books that still centered on scripture and prayer.
None of this happened perfectly every night. There were plenty of evenings when someone was cranky, the routine felt too long, or we skipped a piece because it had been a hard day. All too often, the kids were bouncing off the walls during devotions. What mattered wasn’t perfect execution — it was choosing to protect the time often enough that it became the norm rather than the exception. We were choosing our priorities and intentionally living by them, and we still are. The method or activities may change, but the priorities don’t.
Screens and the Outdoors, On Purpose Too. When TV entered the picture, we didn’t want it to be passive. I worried about the messages my kids would absorb without questioning them, so I started asking simple questions during and after: What choice did that character just make? What happened because of it? I wrote more about this approach in Active Viewing: How to Discuss TV Shows with Kids
We were just as deliberate about time outdoors. When the girls were babies, I pushed them around the block in their stroller most days. As they grew, that became trips to the park, walks where we intentionally noticed bugs and plants, and eventually camping trips and mountain hikes as a family. I wrote about why this mattered in The Benefits of Outdoor Play for Child Development
What We’ve Noticed
My daughters are tweens now, and we’re still doing versions of these same habits. A few things we’ve noticed along the way:
They do well in school — which tracks with the research I cited in my other posts about how reading and time in nature support academic performance.
They ask to go outside and go camping. They wouldn’t ask if the habit of outdoor time hadn’t become something they genuinely enjoy.
They read on their own now, without being told to — my oldest is currently working through Little Women, and my youngest picked up Watership Down.
They engage with scripture independently. My oldest has read the entire Bible in the King James Version on her own, which we credit partly to years of nightly devotion normalizing it as just part of the day.
We get compliments on their manners, and in Sunday school, they’re often the ones helping the teacher because they know the material.
We don’t think any of this happened because we were extraordinary parents. We are far from perfect and have certainly made many mistakes. It happened because we picked a small number of things — connection, reading, faith, the outdoors — and consistently set aside time for them, even when it would have been easier not to.
A cheerful family spanning three generations play a board game together at home
If You Want to Try This
You don’t need to copy our exact routine. Start smaller:
Pick one 10-minute slot in your existing schedule — bedtime, after dinner, wherever there’s already a natural pause — and protect it before anything else gets added.
Choose one ritual, not five. Reading aloud, a made-up game, a walk around the block — pick the one that fits your family and do it consistently before adding more.
Be as consistent as possible. With any good habit, if you let it slip too many times, it will cease to be a habit. Children thrive on consistency and expect it. So value this time and guard it.
Let your kids have a say in some of it. Giving them a choice in even one part of the routine (like we did with one-on-one time) makes it something they look forward to instead of something done to them or demanded of them.
Expect it to change. What works when your kids are toddlers won’t look the same when they’re tweens. Let the routine evolve instead of trying to preserve it exactly as it started.
Don’t aim for perfect. Some nights will be rushed or skipped entirely. The habit is built by showing up most nights, not every night. The only one we did without fail was devotion, though sometimes we did it in the car.
The specific rituals matter less than the decision behind them: that family time wouldn’t just be whatever was left over after everything else was done. All habits begin with an intentional decision. Don’t let life just happen to you and your family. Be intentional about the choices you make to make your family great.
