What Mr. Rogers Taught Us About Raising Good Neighbors

Posted on by Bob Richley
Illustrated autumn neighborhood with neighbors, homes, trees, and a dog

August 31, 2001, was a significant day in children’s television and a sad one in many ways. It was the final time a new episode of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood aired.

For more than thirty years, Fred Rogers invited children into his neighborhood. He changed his shoes, put on his cardigan, fed his fish, talked with children about things that mattered, and then took us to the Neighborhood of Make-Believe.

  • He talked about feelings.
  • He talked about friendship.
  • He talked about being different.
  • He talked about disappointment, fear, kindness, responsibility, and forgiveness.

He did something that seems almost strange today: He slowed down. Far different from much entertainment aimed at kids, there was no constant stream of stimulation, no need to make everything louder, faster, or more exciting. Instead, he talked quietly to children. And he treated them as though what they thought and felt mattered.

I’ve been thinking about Fred Rogers because so much of what he believed about children connects with what I’ve been writing about in these Family Values articles—especially the importance of reading and using stories to teach children how to live.

I don’t think Fred Rogers and I would have agreed on everything.

But I think we would have agreed on something important:

Children are worth our time and attention.

Mr. Rogers Took Children Seriously

Fred Rogers wasn’t originally a television celebrity.

After graduating from college in 1951, he went into television (not the military, as some falsely claimed). But he eventually returned to Pittsburgh, where he became involved with WQED and children’s programming. While working in children’s television, he also studied child development and worked closely with psychologist Margaret McFarland.

That relationship was important.

Fred didn’t simply decide what children needed based on what he thought would make entertaining television. He wanted his programs to reflect what was actually happening in the lives and development of children.

That tells me something about the way he viewed children. He didn’t see them as little adults. But he also didn’t see them as foolish or naive. He trusted them with heavy topics.

Bigotry

The Wading Pool Scene (1969): During an era when many public swimming pools were still segregated or hostile to Black Americans, Fred Rogers invited François Clemmons—who played Officer Clemmons—to cool his feet in a small plastic pool with him. Rogers then shared his towel to dry Clemmons’ feet, much like Jesus washed his disciples’ feet, delivering a powerful, silent visual message against racial discrimination and exclusion.

Death, Assassination, and Tragedy

  • Assassination Specials: Following national tragedies like the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr. and Robert F. Kennedy in 1968, Rogers created special segments to help children process political violence, loss, and fear.
  • Death and Pet Loss: He addressed the concept of death directly—such as when a goldfish died in the neighborhood—teaching children that it is natural to feel sad and confused by finality.

War and Conflict

And he shall judge among the nations, and shall rebuke many people: and they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruninghooks: nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more.

Divorce and Family Changes

  • Divorce: Rogers tackled the emotional impact of parents separating. He assured young viewers that even when adults go through difficult changes and painful emotions, a child is never the cause of a divorce and remains deeply loved.
  • Episodes 1476–1480 — “Divorce” (February 16–20, 1981)
  • This is another five-episode series: Prince Tuesday worries that his parents are going to divorce and even believes the conflict is his fault. The episodes repeatedly reinforce that adult problems are not the child’s fault and give children opportunities to express their fears and feelings.

Disability Rights

Inclusion and Accessibility: Rogers featured guests with disabilities, such as Jeff Erlanger, a young boy using an electric wheelchair. Rogers spoke to him with complete equality and dignity, normalizing disabilities and answering children’s curious questions without pity or stigma.

Difficult Subjects Need to Be Discussed

One of the things I admire most about Fred Rogers is that he didn’t believe children needed to be protected from every difficult subject. He believed they needed caring adults who could help them understand those subjects. He was one of those adults and encouraged others to be.

Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood addressed difficult subjects such as racism, death, divorce, disability, fear, conflict, and other subjects that adults sometimes hesitate to discuss with children. Rogers didn’t simply tell children what to think. He gave them a safe place to encounter difficult ideas, ask questions, express their feelings, and begin making sense of the world around them. He demonstrated these traits through his actions and through stories in The Neighborhood of Make-Believe.

My Own Writing

That is something I have tried to do in my own writing.

My middle-grade novel, Redeeming Rhubarb, also deals with a difficult subject: prejudice and racism. The story was inspired by the real 2013 Boulder, Colorado floods, but the adventure becomes a way for young readers to explore what happens when fear and assumptions cause us to judge people we don’t really know.

The goal isn’t to give children a lecture about prejudice. It’s to give them a story they can experience.

A child can watch characters make choices, see the consequences of those choices, and then talk about what happened. Why did that character act that way? Was it right? What caused the fear? How did the other person feel? What could have been done differently? And, as Christian families, what does Scripture teach us about how we should treat other people?

That approach is very important to me.

Conversations

Like Fred Rogers, I believe difficult subjects can become opportunities for meaningful conversations when children have a trusted adult beside them.

That’s one reason I believe books matter.

A good story doesn’t have to answer every question for a child. Sometimes it simply needs to open the door to a conversation that might not have happened otherwise.

That’s what I hope Redeeming Rhubarb does.

And that’s one of the lessons I take from Mr. Rogers: we don’t help children by pretending difficult things don’t exist. We help them by walking with them as they learn how to face those things—with truth, compassion, courage, and love.

Understanding Children

Fred Rodgers understood that children have real fears, real questions, real disappointments, and real emotions.

Sometimes adults are tempted to dismiss those things.

  • “You’re okay.”
  • “Don’t worry about it.”
  • “It’s not a big deal.”

But to a child, it may be a very big deal. Mr. Rogers was willing to talk about those things. And perhaps that is one reason children trusted him. He didn’t preach. He spoke gently and, more often than not, demonstrated his lesson through a “make-believe” story.

Stories Give Children a Safe Place to Learn

His philosophy has a strong connection to reading. I’ve written before about why I believe books are such an important tool for teaching children values. It’s important to read aloud to kids. We can choose books that teach life lessons. We can teach biblical values through literature.

A child may resist a lecture about honesty, but put a character in a story who lies, and suddenly the child can watch what happens.

  • A character makes a selfish decision.
  • Another character forgives.
  • Someone faces a difficult choice.
  • Someone else shows courage.

The child gets to see the consequences without having to experience every consequence personally.That’s one of the great gifts of literature.

Stories give children a safe place to wrestle with difficult ideas.

Fred Rogers understood something similar.

His television program used stories, puppets, music, and the Neighborhood of Make-Believe to help children think about the issues they were facing in real life. His conversations with child-development expert Margaret McFarland helped him make those stories relevant to children’s actual concerns.

The medium was different.

He used television.

I’m talking about books.

But the principle is remarkably similar.

A story can open a door that a lecture can’t.

Fred Rogers Loved Books

There’s another connection that I find especially interesting.

Fred Rogers himself developed a love of reading as a child because of his childhood librarian, whom he called “Aunt” Sara McComb. According to the Fred Rogers Institute, Fred frequently mentioned her when talking about books and reading. She shared her love of books with children at the library, and Fred learned from that experience. There’s something beautiful about that.

One person who loved books helped a child develop a love for reading. That child eventually became the man millions of children trusted. And decades later, we’re still talking about him. It reminds me that we don’t always know what our influence will become.

  • Maybe you’re the parent reading a bedtime story tonight.
  • Maybe you’re the grandparent taking a child to the library.
  • Maybe you’re the teacher recommending a book.
  • Maybe you’re the librarian who remembers a child’s name.

It may seem like a small thing.

But it may not be small to the child.

An anonymous usher stopped a teenage Billy Graham from walking away from a packed 1934 tent revival in Charlotte, North Carolina. He found seats for Billy and his friend. The revival led Billy Graham to make Jesus his savior. Billy Graham impacted millions of lives and led many of those into a relationship with Jesus. The usher did a small thing, but it had a big impact, a huge ripple effect. Aunt Sara did one small thing that impacted millions of children through Fred Rogers.

Reading Is About More Than Reading

I’ve said this before, but it is worth repeating.

The goal isn’t simply to get through more books. The goal is to let good books get into our children.

When our children were younger, we would snuggle together and read. One of my favorite family memories is reading Charlotte’s Web together, a chapter at a time.

We weren’t simply completing a book. We were sharing an experience. That’s an important distinction.

Reading aloud develops literacy, vocabulary, comprehension, and imagination. But something else happens when a parent sits beside a child and reads.

We build a relationship.

We’re saying:

  • You matter to me.
  • What you’re interested in matters to me.
  • I want to spend time with you.

Fred Rogers understood the importance of that kind of relationship.

His television program wasn’t designed merely to give children information. He wanted children to feel that they were being welcomed by someone who cared about them.

The famous question in his theme song wasn’t simply an invitation to watch television.

It was an invitation into relationship.

Won’t you be my neighbor?

What Happens When We Read Together?

One of my favorite things about reading with children is the conversation that follows. Sometimes the conversation isn’t even about the book.

  • A character makes a choice.
    • “What do you think about that?”
  • A character hurts someone.
    • “Why do you think she did that?”
  • Someone gets treated unfairly.
    • “Was that right?”
  • Someone shows courage.
    • “Would you have been brave enough to do that?”
  • And sometimes we can go even deeper.
    • “What does the Bible say about that?”

Now the book has become a bridge.We’re no longer simply talking about a fictional character. We’re talking about life.

I’ve written about this before because I don’t want my children simply to memorize a list of rules.

  • I want them to learn how to think.
  • I want them to recognize good and evil.
  • I want them to understand consequences.
  • I want them to develop empathy.
  • I want them to ask questions.
  • And ultimately, I want them to compare what they encounter in the world with God’s Word.

A good book can help us do that.

The Final Neighborhood

There’s something almost fitting about what happened in the final episode of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood.

The final week was called “Celebrate the Arts.”

In the Neighborhood of Make-Believe, Lady Elaine had appointed herself the judge of everyone’s artwork. But by the end, instead of judging the other characters, she created a collage celebrating them.

The final episode aired on August 31, 2001.

Think about that.

A program that spent decades teaching children about feelings, relationships, and how we treat one another ended with a story about moving from judgment toward appreciation. That seems remarkably appropriate.

Fred Rogers understood that how we feel about ourselves can affect how we treat other people. And isn’t that something our children still need to learn?

  • A child who feels loved can learn to love.
  • A child who experiences forgiveness can learn to forgive.
  • A child who is listened to can learn to listen.
  • A child who is treated with patience can learn patience.

A child who spends years hearing good stories about courage, kindness, sacrifice, friendship, and forgiveness has a vocabulary for understanding those things when they encounter them in real life.

We Can’t Always Be There

There comes a point when our children leave the house.

  • We can’t follow them everywhere.
  • We can’t hear every conversation.
  • We can’t see every decision.
  • We can’t answer every question.

That’s one reason I believe so strongly in giving children good books. A good story can stay with them. Years after we’ve finished reading a book, a character may come back to them.

  • They may remember what happened to Wilbur.
  • They may remember Charlotte’s sacrifice.
  • They may remember Heidi’s love for her grandfather.
  • They may remember a character who showed courage when courage was difficult.

And perhaps, at some point, they’ll face their own difficult decision and remember that story. That’s when the book has become something more than a book. It has become part of them.

What Kind of Neighbors Are We Raising?

Fred Rogers wanted children to understand that they were valuable and that other people mattered.

I want the same thing for my children, but I want to go one step further.

  • I want them to understand why people matter.
  • I want them to understand that every person is created by God.
  • I want them to understand that Jesus commanded us to love our neighbors.
  • I want them to understand that loving someone doesn’t mean approving of everything that person does.
  • I want them to understand forgiveness without confusing forgiveness with pretending that wrong doesn’t matter.
  • I want them to understand that courage sometimes means standing up for what is right.
  • I want them to understand that compassion means looking beyond the surface and trying to understand another person’s story.

Those lessons don’t have to come only through lectures. They can come through conversations. They can come through Scripture. And they can come through stories.

Start With One Book

You don’t need a huge library or a complicated curriculum. You don’t need to spend hours preparing a lesson. Start with one book. Sit beside your child.

  • Read.
  • Listen.
  • Talk.
  • Ask questions.
  • And when the story presents an opportunity, take it.
    • “What would you have done?”
    • “Why do you think he did that?”
    • “Was that a good choice?”
    • “How did that make the other person feel?”
    • “What does the Bible say about this?”
    • Then listen to the answer.
  • Don’t immediately correct.
  • Don’t turn every conversation into a sermon.

Sometimes our children need us to listen more than they need us to talk.

Fred Rogers understood the power of listening, slowing down, and taking children seriously.

I think we could use a little more of that today.

One Child. One Book. One Conversation.

The last original episode of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood aired twenty-five years ago.

Fred Rogers died in 2003, but the neighborhood he created hasn’t really disappeared. His impact hasn’t left us.

  • Every time we teach a child to be kind, we extend it.
  • Every time we listen to a child’s question, we extend it.
  • Every time we help a child understand someone else’s feelings, we extend it.
  • And every time we sit down with a child and open a good book, we have another opportunity to build that kind of neighborhood in our own home.

We don’t have to change the world all at once.

We can start much smaller.

  • One child.
  • One book.
  • One conversation.

Maybe that’s how we raise better neighbors.

And maybe, years from now, our children will remember those quiet moments—not because we gave them another lesson, but because we gave them something better.

  • We gave them our time.
  • We gave them our attention.
  • We gave them stories.

And through those stories, we helped them discover what it means to love God, love their neighbor, and live a life of character.

That’s a legacy worth leaving behind.

References

The following sources were consulted for the information about Fred Rogers and Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood discussed in this article.

  • Fred Rogers Institute — About Fred Rogers
    A comprehensive biography covering Fred Rogers’ childhood, education, family, early television career, study of child development, work with psychologist Margaret McFarland, and his philosophy of serving children and families.
    About Fred Rogers — Fred Rogers Institute
  • Fred Rogers Productions — Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood
    Information about the purpose of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, its approach to children, and its learning goals, including empathy, imagination, respect, self-esteem, emotional regulation, and social skills.
    Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood — Fred Rogers Productions
  • Fred Rogers Institute — Fred Rogers Archive
    An Extensive archive preserves more than 22,000 items from Fred Rogers’ life and work, including writings, photographs, scripts, and other materials that document his ideas about childhood, families, education, and reading.
    Fred Rogers Institute Archive
  • Fred Rogers Institute — The Simple Spiral of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood
    Documents the first episode, which aired February 19, 1968, and the final original episode, #1765, Mister Rogers Celebrates the Arts, which aired August 31, 2001. It also discusses the closing moments of both episodes and the continuity of Rogers’ message throughout the series.
    The Simple Spiral of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood
  • The Neighborhood Archive — Episode 1765
    Detailed information about the final original episode, Mister Rogers Celebrates the Arts, including its August 31, 2001 air date and the stories and activities featured in the episode.
    Episode 1765 — The Neighborhood Archive
  • The Washington Post — “For Mister Rogers, a Final Day in the Neighborhood”
    Contemporary reporting published September 1, 2001, describing the final new episode and Fred Rogers’ decision to end the series without a traditional television farewell.
    For Mister Rogers, a Final Day in the Neighborhood — The Washington Post

Learn more about Redeeming Rhubarb: Redeeming Rhubarb — Reading With Your Kids

Explore Bob Richley’s books and resources: Bob Richley — Christ-Centered Books for Families.

Conflict Resolution: Be Quick to Listen

Posted on by Bob Richley
Family reading books together on a bed in a warmly lit bedroom. Peace instead of conflict

Why Don’t We Listen?

I used to think I was a patient person.

When I was single, I could do what I wanted when I wanted. I was on time without waiting for someone else. When I spent time with kids, it was only for a few hours. Yet others even told me I was patient. They saw that I worked with children, played with them, taught them, and generally got along well with them.

Then I got married, and everything changed. I discovered something about myself.

I was selfish and impatient, and I wanted my way; therefore, I wanted people to do things when I thought they should. I wanted people to understand what I was saying. I wanted to be heard.

And when they didn’t?

I became frustrated.

Sometimes I became angry.

I’ve come to realize that one of the roots of my anger is remarkably simple: I want my way.

When I was without a family, I didn’t think I had an anger issue. But when I got married, I found myself upset when we ran late and impatient with my kids and my wife. I could no longer do what I wanted, when I wanted. I felt angry. Why? Because I am selfish. I like what I think and believe is best; after all, I am always right.

I’m still working on this issue. God is making progress, but I am still dealing with anger and selfishness. Allow me to share what I’m learning about why anger is destructive and how God is helping me to choose love instead.

Why Conflict?

Conflict happens often because we don’t listen. We have our own preconceived thoughts, opinions, and paradigms. We want to be heard and understood, so we advocate for our position. We believe we are right and will argue to prove it.

The results of this self-centered thinking and behavior are devastating. At a minimum, we wound others emotionally. At worst, wars and conflicts break out, killing millions of people.

The Remedy – Be Quick to Listen and  Slow to Speak

Let’s look more practically at how we can overcome our anger. James 1:19-20 says, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” This is often my prayer for myself. I wans to be quick to listen and slow to speak.

By the power of the Holy Spirit, we can listen to others with understanding.

Do you know why we become angry? Because we want our own way. We don’t want to listen to another way.

We need to listen to others and, most importantly, listen to God. It’s not my way, my wife’s way, my kids’ way; it is God’s way that we need. When we disagree, pray. Listen to what God wants.

We are often quick to speak because we want our way and to be heard. That is selfish. We need to seek what others want. Philippians 2:3-4 says: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others more important than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Listen to what others want. Notice that human anger doesn’t accomplish anything good. Verse 20 says, “because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” This is all the more reason we need to seek God’s will if we want the righteousness God desires.

When Bedtime Isn’t Peaceful

Our bedtime routine includes family devotions with our daughters. This is meant to be a peaceful time where we encounter God through prayer and reading his word. However, we often struggle to meet at the same time. The girls need to get ready for bed, which includes brushing their teeth, washing their faces, getting on pajamas, and getting clothes ready for school the next day.

My wife is a host home provider, which means we have people with intellectual disabilities living in our home, and she has to make sure medication is taken, teeth are brushed, and a host of other little duties. Sometimes I assume my wife is done, or she says she’s ready, but the girls aren’t. When the girls are not ready, she may do another task like prepare lunches for the next morning.

Communication breaks down. We fail to listen. My wife may say she’s preparing lunches, but I don’t hear. I may say, “Let’s meet in the bedroom,” but that’s not understood. We are all rushed and heading in different directions. When we finally assemble, there’s no peace and much misunderstanding. I’ll defend what I did. My wife will defend what she did. My girls will defend their behavior. Conflict arises because we don’t listen; instead, we defend.

What should be peaceful and prayerful turns into a minor conflict, hurt feelings, and stress. Why? Because we fail to listen. Nobody in the room is necessarily trying to cause a problem. We’re simply failing to listen.

This is a simple example, but it gets far worse. I know my wife and kids have been in tears because I didn’t listen and understand. My girls have had conflicts with a friend because there was no listening or understanding.

Wisdom from Proverbs

Proverbs repeatedly warns us about the danger of too many words. Proverbs 17:28 says that even a fool can appear wise if he keeps silent. Proverbs 10:19 similarly warns that when words multiply, sin is not far behind. Proverbs 18:13 says we need to listen before we answer. We need to understand what the other is saying and then respond; otherwise, we may come across as unprepared or foolish.

That’s uncomfortable for me because when I am angry, I want to talk. I want to justify myself and be understood. I want to explain. I want to defend myself. I want to make sure the other person understands why I’m right.

But perhaps wisdom sometimes looks like keeping my mouth shut long enough to understand someone else.

Why Do We Become Angry?

I don’t think all anger starts with hatred. Anger is a secondary emotion. Often, a feeling like sadness or hurt lies beneath the anger.

Anger sometimes starts with something much simpler than mere hatred. It’s rooted in selfishness.

  • I want my way.
  • I want to be respected.
  • I want to be heard.
  • I want things done my way.
  • I want people to recognize that I’m right.
  • I want my plans to work.
  • I want someone else to change.

When I don’t get what I want, frustration begins. If I hold onto that frustration, it can become anger.

Philippians 2:3–4 tells us to “do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

That Scripture gives us the opposite of selfishness: humility. Humility is seeing God for who he is and ourselves for who we are. When we are prideful and selfish, we are making ourselves God. Instead, we need to let God be God. He knows what is best because he created us.

The two greatest commands are to love God and to love others as ourselves. We love others best when we put their interests ahead of our own. This doesn’t mean letting them walk over us or always giving in to their way, but it does mean listening to their desires, wants, and thoughts with understanding.

A Personal Example: Bedtime

As I said, my wife is a host home provider, which means we have mentally handicapped people living in our home. For a time, we had only 2. We recently had the opportunity to take on another. I was generally against the idea. I think it’s too much of a burden on my wife. We’ve had 3; it seemed to overwhelm her at times. Also, to have 3, we need to consolidate our girls into one room. They were 9 and 11 at the time and beginning to express their own independence. They wanted to decorate and arrange their room however they want. It isn’t easy to get them to agree. They wanted their own room.

We’ve twice turned down potential clients. We prayed and asked friends to pray. Each time, to my relief, we felt God said, “No.” We didn’t fight, though we disagreed. My wife felt stressed and concerned each time. She really wanted the extra income and security of having 3, so if one leaves, she has 2. When the 3rd possibility was presented, it looked more like God was saying “yes.” I had to pray because our girls were definitely opposed, and I wasn’t exactly in favor of it.

As I prayed, it came to me to take our girls out to Starbucks and listen to their objections. We did. They objected, but as we talked, we started to consider committing to having one leave by the time the oldest was 13. Everyone agreed with this. My wife expected one of them to move out on their own by that time, which is why she wanted the security of having 3. We agreed that if one didn’t move out, we would let them go. It’s still a bumpy road.

We could have given in to what the girls wanted, or we could have demanded what their mother wanted. Instead, we listened, and we reached a third alternative.

I didn’t take my daughters to Starbucks to convince them I was right.

I took them there to hear them.

That distinction matters.

If I had already decided the answer, asking questions would have been nothing more than a debating tactic. I would have been waiting for them to finish so I could explain why they were wrong.

Instead, I tried to listen.

When I stop trying to be heard and start trying to understand, conflict changes.

This situation could have exploded into anger. I could have been angry at my wife for wanting to separate our girls and possibly overwhelm our family. I could have been angry at my daughters for resisting. Instead, we chose to listen, pray, and seek God’s will together.

Listening Doesn’t Mean Agreeing

  • I can hear my wife without agreeing with her.
  • I can hear my children without giving them everything they ask for.
  • I can hear someone who disagrees with me without changing my beliefs.

Listening simply means I care enough to understand. Sometimes, after listening, I’ll still say no. But at least the other person knows that I heard them.

The Most Important Person to Listen To

Ecclesiastes 5:2 says, “Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God.”

There is someone else we need to listen to before we make our decisions: God.

Ecclesiastes warns us not to be hasty with our mouths or our hearts before God.

Sometimes I become so busy trying to make everyone else hear me that I forget to listen to God. Sometimes I so selfishly want my way, that I fail to remember, “Thy will be done.”

I pray, but am I listening? Prayer is not just asking God for what we want. It’s not just telling him our problems. Prayer is not just asking God for what we want. It’s not just telling Him our problems. We also need to pause and listen—to seek His will through Scripture, the guidance of the Holy Spirit, and wise counsel. Put aside our agenda and our wants and ask, “What do you want, God?”

I ask God to bless my decision, but am I willing to change my decision if He leads me somewhere else?

Responding to Anger

Proverbs 15:1  says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” I’ve learned how true that is in my own home. When my kids are angry, and I respond angrily, I haven’t solved anything. I’ve added another angry person to the room. Or worse, I’ve brought my kids to tears. I’ve wounded them emotionally.

James 3:2 says, “We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is able, just like a person who puts a bit in a horse’s mouth, to control their whole body.”  James reminds us that we all stumble in many ways, especially in what we say. Controlling our tongue is difficult because our words reveal what is happening inside us.

When I’m angry, my words often reveal that I am thinking about myself.

  • I want.
  • I deserve.
  • You should.
  • You always.
  • You never.

Those words aren’t really about solving the problem.

They’re about defending myself, getting my selfish way.

Listen, Speak Carefully, and Forgive

Listening may prevent some conflicts, but we will still hurt each other. We are imperfect people living together. Even when we listen, we will misunderstand. Even when we speak gently, we will sometimes say the wrong thing.

That’s where forgiveness comes in.

Colossians 3:13 says to “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you”

When someone hurts us, our natural response is to defend ourselves and hold onto the offense. Scripture gives us another way: “forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending nothing happened. It doesn’t mean allowing someone to continue hurting us. It means giving up our desire for revenge and trusting God with justice.

Back to Bedtime

I’m not writing this because I’ve mastered anger. I’m writing it because God is teaching me how destructive my anger can be—and how much better His way is.

Sometimes I wish I could say I’ve figured this out. I haven’t. There are still evenings when we’re all tired, everyone is trying to get somewhere, nobody quite hears what the other person said, and frustration begins to rise.

But now I recognize the pattern. Someone says something. I misunderstand. I become frustrated. I want to defend myself. My voice gets louder. And suddenly, our peaceful family devotion has become a source of conflict.

That’s my signal. I need to look inward, not outward.

I remind myself:

Stop. Listen.

  • What is my wife actually saying?
  • What are my daughters actually saying?
  • What am I assuming?

And most importantly:

What is God asking me to do?

I don’t always get it right. In fact, I probably still get it wrong more times than right. I’m an imperfect human, but I’m learning that being quick to listen and slow to speak isn’t just good advice for avoiding arguments.

Being quick to listen and slow to speak isn’t just good advice for avoiding arguments. It’s a way of loving my family.

Scripture References:
James 1:19 (NIV): “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
James 1:20 (NIV): “…because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”
Proverbs 17:28: “Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.”
Proverbs 10:19: “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.”
Proverbs 18:13: “To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.”
Ecclesiastes 5:2: “Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God.”
James 3:2: “We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is able, just like a person who puts a bit in a horse’s mouth, to control their whole body.”
Colossians 3:13: Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
James 3:2: We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.
Proverbs 15:1: A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Dolly Parton’s Legacy: Inspiring Childhood Literacy

Posted on by Bob Richley
Rocking chair, books, and coffee on a porch overlooking sunset mountains

Dolly Parton, Books, and the Gift of Imagination

We’ve all heard the news of the recent passing of Dolly Parton, singer, songwriter, entrepreneur, and philanthropist. She died on August 25, 2026, at the age of 80.

I find it strange that I feel sad about the death of a celebrity I never knew personally. Perhaps because we “see” celebrities so much in the media, they become familiar to us. We hear their voices, watch their interviews, listen to their songs, and learn pieces of their stories. It can almost feel as though we know them.

When a celebrity dies, I often find myself researching their life. My curiosity is stirred, and I’m amazed by what I discover.

That’s what happened with Dolly Parton.

Most people know Dolly as a singer and songwriter. Many know about her business success and Dollywood. But as I learned more about her life, I was especially interested in something that has little to do with her music.

Dolly Parton has given hundreds of millions of books to children.

Why?

The answer begins with her childhood.

A Child of Faith and Poverty

Dolly grew up poor in Locust Ridge in the mountains of East Tennessee. She was one of twelve children raised in a small one-room home in the Great Smoky Mountains. Her family had little money and few material possessions. There was no electricity or running water.

But poverty didn’t mean that Dolly’s family lacked something important.

  • They had faith.
  • They had family.
  • And they had music.

Dolly’s father worked hard to provide for his family. He would get up early to work on the farm and then go to another job to earn money. He did whatever he could to put food on the table.

Dolly’s childhood wasn’t easy, but it helped shape the woman she would become.

Her family was deeply connected to the church. Her grandfather was a preacher in a local mountain church, and Dolly began singing hymns and playing guitar when she was a child.

Faith became part of the foundation of her life.

Dolly has spoken openly about her belief in God throughout her life. Her music includes numerous gospel songs, and her faith has continued to influence her work.

She believed that with God all things were possible. The belief shapped her legacy.

But there was another lesson from her childhood that would eventually inspire one of her greatest contributions to children.

The Father Who Couldn’t Read

Dolly has described her father as one of the smartest men she ever knew.

He had a brilliant mind for numbers and a natural talent for business. He knew how to bargain and negotiate and could make a good deal. But there was something he couldn’t do. He couldn’t read or write. Her father had to leave school at a young age to work and help support his family. Growing up in rural Appalachia, educational opportunities were limited. His inability to read didn’t mean he lacked intelligence. Quite the opposite.

He was a smart, hardworking man who simply hadn’t been given the opportunity to learn something many of us take for granted. Dolly saw how that limitation affected him.

Years later, that memory would become the seed of an extraordinary idea.

Motivated by Faith—and by Her Father

Dolly’s faith and upbringing shaped the way she viewed children and opportunity.

She had experienced poverty. She knew what it meant to grow up without many resources. And she knew what it was like to watch someone she loved have his opportunities limited because he couldn’t read.

She could have simply remembered her childhood. Instead, she did something with it.

In 1995, Dolly Parton founded Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library in her home county of Sevier County, Tennessee. She wanted to give children an opportunity her father had never had: the chance to grow up with books and develop a love of reading.

That small beginning became something enormous.

The Book Lady

The Imagination Library mails a new, age-appropriate book every month to registered children from birth through age five. There is no charge to participating families. Funding is shared between Dolly Parton’s organization and local community partners.

The program now operates in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, Australia, and the Republic of Ireland.

And the numbers are staggering.

By the end of 2025, the Imagination Library had gifted 304,539,509 books since its founding. More than 40 million books were gifted during 2025 alone.

Think about that.

More than 300 million books.

One little girl growing up in the mountains of Tennessee remembered that her father couldn’t read, and decades later, motivated by faith, millions of children around the world are receiving books because of it.

That’s quite a legacy.

Why Give Children Books?

Why books?

Because books do more than teach children how to read.

Books introduce children to courage, sacrifice, kindness, forgiveness, perseverance, friendship, consequences, and countless other values.

  • A child meets a character who faces a difficult decision and gets to watch what happens.
  • A character makes a selfish choice and suffers the consequences.
  • Another character sacrifices for someone else.
  • Another forgives.
  • Another refuses to give up.

Through stories, children can encounter difficult questions in a safe environment.

They can learn from someone else’s mistakes without having to make those mistakes themselves.

That’s one reason I believe so strongly in reading with children.

Dolly’s Gift Goes Beyond Literacy

A free book says something to a child.

  • You matter.
  • Your imagination matters.
  • Your future matters.

The Imagination Library certainly encourages literacy, but its purpose goes beyond simply helping children learn to read. Its stated mission is to inspire a love of reading by putting quality books into children’s hands.

And there’s an important difference between giving a child a book and reading a book with a child.

When we read aloud together, we are not simply helping children develop vocabulary and reading skills. We are sharing an experience.

We can ask questions.

  • “What do you think she should do?”
  • “Why did he make that choice?”
  • “What would you have done?”
  • “Was that fair?”
  • “What does the Bible say about that?”

The book becomes a doorway into conversation.

I’ve written before about the importance of reading aloud with our kids. Reading together builds connection as well as literacy.

It’s similar to why I play with my kids.

When I get down on the floor and play a game with my daughters, I’m entering their world. I’m telling them without saying a word, What matters to you matters to me.

Games give us opportunities to learn, too. There are rules to follow, turns to take, victories to celebrate, and disappointments to handle. We learn how to win graciously and lose graciously.

In other words, ordinary family activities can become opportunities to teach character.

What Can Parents Learn From Dolly?

Most of us will never have millions of dollars to give away.

We don’t have to.

Dolly Parton’s example reminds us that we can start with what we have. Try these:

  • Read to your children.
  • Give them good books.
  • Visit the library.
  • Talk about the stories you read.
  • Ask questions.
  • Listen to their answers.
  • Build a family culture around books and stories.

We don’t have to wait until we have a foundation, a corporation, or a million dollars to invest in children.

We can start with one child and one book.

What Stories Are We Putting Into Our Children’s Hearts?

Dolly’s legacy also raises another question.

What books are we putting into our children’s hands?

If books teach lessons—and I believe they do—we need to pay attention to those lessons.

Not every book teaches the values we want our children to absorb. Some stories may contain ideas that contradict our family’s values or what Scripture teaches.

That doesn’t mean every book has to be perfect.

It does mean we should be intentional.

Ask quesitons like:

  • What is this story teaching?
  • What choices do the characters make?
  • What happens because of those choices?
  • What does the story celebrate?
  • Do those values agree with our family’s values?
  • Do they agree with Scripture?

I’ve written more about this in Choosing Books That Teach Life Lessons.

As an Author…

I know something about the power of putting a story into a child’s hands.

That’s one reason I wrote Redeeming Rhubarb.

I wanted children to enjoy a story about a mouse and a rat while wrestling with bigger questions about prejudice, forgiveness, friendship, courage, and doing what is right.

I don’t expect a book to replace a parent.

I want the book to help parents have conversations with their children.

That’s what I find so inspiring about Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library.

Dolly understood something that I believe every parent should understand:

Books can open doors.

  • They open doors to imagination.
  • They open doors to knowledge.
  • They open doors to empathy.
  • They open doors to difficult questions.
  • And sometimes, they open doors to faith and character.

Dolly gave children books because she remembered what her father had been denied.

She took something painful from her childhood and turned it into something beautiful for millions of children.

That’s a legacy worth remembering.

A Legacy We Can Continue

Dolly Parton gave away more than 300 million books.

Most of us won’t come close to that number.

But perhaps we don’t need to.

  • We can give one book to one child.
  • We can sit beside that child and read it.
  • We can ask a question.
  • We can listen.
  • We can talk about the choices the characters made.
  • We can connect those choices to the values we want our children to develop.
  • And then we can pick up another book.

Perhaps that’s how a legacy begins. Not with millions of dollars. Not with fame. But with one child, one book, and one conversation.

Dolly Parton gave children the gift of imagination. We can help them use that imagination to learn, grow, and become the people God created them to be.

Facing Cancer With Faith

Posted on by Bob Richley
Elderly couple resting in bed while holding hands beside a lamp and candle

My dad has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in his rectum, bladder, and sternum. He’s a “healthy 84,” so the doctor thinks he can eliminate it with chemo and immunotherapy. This is not the first time. He had cancer in his rectum over 30 years ago. At that time, I wrote this poem:

Facing Cancer

"I'm facing my biggest fear,"
He said to me.
I was already hurting.
These words I did not need to hear.
"How does it feel to see me this way?"
He asked of me.
Hurt for him is what I felt.
"Sad" was all I could say.
The man with whom I could run 10 miles
And scale mountain peaks
Now, struggled to walk a few feet.
Memories of such days, now, did not bring smiles.
Seeing my dad weak and in pain,
Hurts me too much.
But though this is hard to bear,
I know our faith will not wane.
Through this fight for his life,
I'll be by his side,
And praying to my Lord:
"Comfort us. Save my father's life."
What outcome lies ahead for us?
It's beyond my control.
I simply do not know.
So in our Lord and Savior we place our trust.

Now we say the same prayers again. It’s just as hard, if not harder. I also pray for the “peace that surpasses all understanding.” Phillipians 4:7

I find it is easier to be angry. Someone tried to provoke me to anger yesterday. The Holy Spirit had to have given me self-control, because I certainly wanted to explode but didn’t. I find I’m less patient with my daughters, too, and have to be more careful not to snap in anger over petty offenses.

I’m most thankful for the prayers, love, and support of my fellow Christians. I can genuinely feel their concern; I can see it in their eyes, and I can feel it in my heart.

I look at my daughters, 10 and 12, and pray my father lives to see them grow into the Godly women they are meant to be. He’s proud of who they are already. They are mature beyond their years. They are smart, beautiful and gifted. My dad sees and knows this already.

As a relatively unknown author navigating the early stages of promoting my book, Redeeming Rhubarb, the journey is as much personal as it is professional. The book has earned a Certified Great Read distinction and a strong Kirkus review, but my deepest validation comes from home. My father has read it, and he knows how special it is.

My prayer now is for time: time to work hard and share this book with the world, and time for my dad to witness both its success and the growth of my daughters. Whatever the future holds, he already knows the depth of what I’ve created and what outsanding daughters I have.

I am not without hope. I do believe in a God who can perform miracles. At the same time, I’m skeptical and don’t have much faith in the medical profession. I believe his doctors and medical professionals have his best interest in mind. I also believe that God will work all things together for good Romans 8:28.

Facing Cancer Again

Once again, we face our biggest fears.
Though the pain brings us many tears,
We stay firm in our faith and belief, 
That God will bring us relief
While we still have hopes and dreams. 
We see beyond evil's schemes 
To our heavenly reward and place,
No matter what trials we face.

The Power of Love in a Broken World

Posted on by Bob Richley
Person walking along a lit path through a dark leafless woodland

The Book of Love Tells Us So

Alone in the lost chambers of your mind
Hopeless among such violence and hate
While the world outside is so unkind
Do you trust love came to interrelate?

In darkened streets where poor children scream
Vile abusers are allowed to walk free
Can you believe love really reigns supreme?
Or hope in some unseen guarantee?

In an evil world we are quick to blame
Love as defined by our own depraved hearts
Perhaps we are deceived by our own shame
Shredding souls into divided parts

We fail to see love’s provided the way
To light the darkness and dawn a new day

CANCER

Posted on by Bob Richley
Cracked stone sculpture of a human heart with black vine-like branches emerging from the fissures 
A cancer is eating away at our hearts.
Where love ought to reside,
Hatred for each other abides.
It divides us and tears us apart.

It has its roots in sin and shame.
We feel guilt within our own souls
Because of deep and dark holes,
So we find someone else to blame.

It takes courage to look deep within.
We must face our own pride
To let love reside inside
And remove the cancerous sin.

When we see our own faults
And confront our own shame,
We will cease to find others to blame.
Only then can evil and hatred halt.

When hatred and bigotry end,
We can turn enemies into friends.