How does your family watch TV? Are you passively watching or actively watching? How does it affect your family? Our family decided to answer these questions. We made choices that we knew would impact our children. One of those choices was intentionally watching a show centered on teenage sexuality together.

So why would a Christian family intentionally watch a television show about teenage sex? That’s the question I faced before my family started watching the notoriously bad drama, “The Secret Life of the American Teenager.” Our journey to this show actually started with Seventh Heaven, another series by producer Brenda Hampton that we thoroughly enjoyed. (Well, for the first few seasons at least.) Because my daughters were entering puberty, I thought watching a show about a pregnant teen could be a tool to spark deep conversations. We had already built a habit of actively analyzing media together—asking what the characters did right, what they did wrong, and what messages we were being fed. Recognizing this established pattern, we chose to use this deeply flawed show as a springboard to discuss the very real consequences of teenage choices.

During one of our discussions, my youngest daughter came up with a beautiful analogy about being in a tempting situation, like a boy and girl being alone together with no adult supervision. She said it’s like two candles. One is lit, and the other isn’t. The closer the lit candle gets to the unlit one, the greater the chance of lighting the unlit one. Bravo! My daughter gets it!

Day after day, the world sends messages that too many people passively accept. Children are especially vulnerable to this passive programming. I want something different for my family. I want to think, and I want my daughters to think. My goal is to teach my daughters to actively filter everything they see and hear through the truth of God’s word.

There are many negative effects of watching TV, movies, and social media.

• Behavioral & Desensitization Impacts: Research published by the ⁠American Psychological Association (APA) and in ⁠PubMed Central (PMC) highlights that frequent exposure to violent programming increases aggressive cognition. Over time, viewers can become desensitized to real-life violence and lower their inhibition toward irrational or risky behavior.
• Mental Health Correlations: Broad media exposure (including binge-watching and social media) has been linked to adverse outcomes like low self-esteem, depression, and eating disorders due to unrealistic portrayals. A ⁠University of Michigan study on youth mental health notes that while inclusive media can be protective, certain distressed character portrayals can exacerbate feelings of hopelessness in vulnerable adolescents.
• Generational Shifts in Reading/Watching: A massive study led by ⁠San Diego State University involving over a million teens revealed a steep decline in traditional media consumption. As modern teens turn to digital tech, they are increasingly disconnected from older forms of entertainment like books, indicating shifts in attention span and information processing.

How do we combat this?

1. Don’t passively watch.
   • Passivity leads to you being fed what to believe rather than deciding.
   • Your personal bias is being enforced.
2. Actively watch by asking questions.
   • When you ask questions, you are forced to think.
   • Jesus, himself, often answered questions with questions to get the asker to think.
   • Filter all messages through God’s word.
     • Psalm 119:105 (NIV): “Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.”
     • Proverbs 4:23 (NIV): “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Guard what enters your mind)
     • Romans 12:2 (NIV): “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.“
   • Check against your own family values.
     • Does it agree with what you believe?
       • If it doesn’t. Is what you believe wrong? Be able to change and admit when you are wrong.
     • Think about the other’s perspective.
       • Try to understand their point of view even if you disagree with it.
       • I wrote a poem that emphasizes the need to see things from another’s perspective.

The Other Side

For convictions, we fight
so confident we are right.
Anger and aggression
without pausing to question
the pretexts of our certitude.
Rigid in our attitude.

It's time we look inside
rather than trying to hide.
The fault and failure lies within
over our own self centered sin.
Cease blaming others and God!
Let go of the deceptive facade!

Examine and evaluate,
consider convictions to abdicate.
Seek first to comprehend
what enemies apprehend.
Replace anger and apprehension
with charity and comprehension.

Better Alternatives

In our house, we limit what we watch and limit screen time. Instead, we play games and read.

• Some our favorite games

1. What Do You Meme?
   • Similar to Apples to Apples
   • There is a judge who judges the Meme for a picture.
2. Do You Really Know Your Family?
   • A game of trivia about your family
   • A member answer a question about themselves
   • Other members guess the answer.
   • The winner keeps the question card.
3. Play Nine
   • A card game similar to golf
   • Lowest score wins
   • Trade bad cards for good cards.
4. Guess in 10
   • Similar to 20 questions, except you only get 10 questions
   • Must guess an animal pictured on a card
   • Can play a clue card to get hints.

• Some our favorite stories

1. Charlotte’s Web
   • Charlotte’s Web is the beloved 1952 children’s novel by E. B. White. It tells the story of a runty pig named Wilbur and his friendship with a wise barn spider, Charlotte A. Cavatica. When Wilbur learns he is fated to be slaughtered, Charlotte weaves messages in her web to save his life.
   • My favorite family time was reading this together as a family.
2. Tuesday’s at the Castle
   • Tuesdays at the Castle by Jessica Day George is the first book in a fantasy series about Princess Celie, whose home, Castle Glower, magically adds new rooms, turrets, or wings every Tuesday. When her parents, the King and Queen, disappear, Celie uses her secret knowledge of the castle’s ever-changing layout to protect her home and kingdom from scheming council members, with the castle itself seemingly helping her with new secret passages and rooms as needed. It’s a middle-grade adventure praised for its whimsical, page-turning plot and is recommended for ages 8-12.
   • We read the whole series twice.
3. Ramona and Beavis
   • Newbery Award winner Beverly Cleary classic. It is a humorous portrayal of the ups and downs of sisterhood.
   • We read several in the series.
4. Ivy + Bean
   • Ivy + Bean is a popular children’s book series by author Annie Barrows and illustrator Sophie Blackall. The stories follow two unlikely best friends: quiet, imaginative Ivy and loud, adventurous Bean, who at first wanted nothing to do with Ivy. The chapter books are targeted at readers aged 6 to 10.
   • My sister introduced us to the first book, and then we read the entire series a few times.
5. The Box Car Children
   • The Boxcar Children is a long-running children’s book series by Gertrude Chandler Warner about four orphaned siblings—Henry, Jessie, Violet, and Benny—who create a home for themselves in an abandoned boxcar before eventually finding their grandfather, whom they feared at first.
   • We actually saw the movie first and then started reading the books.

We actually never finished the series, “The Secret Life of the American Teenager.” We grew tired of it. While we were watching “The Secret Life,” we also started to watch The Chosen. My daughters liked that show much better, and I would highly recommend it. Even with The Chosen, we still ask questions. I now sometimes pause what we are watching to ask questions.

I’m thankful for the discussions we’ve had as a family. I’m happy to know my daughters are thinking. We’ve moved on to “Heartland,” which we are thoroughly enjoying. And yes, we still are asking questions.