What is God trying to teach me in the midst of my struggles? We often ask for deliverance from our struggles, and I have. My dad has stage 4 cancer. He had cancer over 30 years ago, and it’s back. I’ve prayed for healing. I asked God to heal him before he underwent chemo. God didn’t. My dad is currently having chemo treatments. I haven’t stopped praying for healing.

Someone challenged me with the question What is God trying to teach me? That question made me think. I know God works all things together for good (Romans 8:28), and I know he’s conforming me to the image of Christ (Romans 8:29). I believe he’s using cancer for my good and to conform me to the image of his son, but how?

Anger

I know since the diagnosis, I’ve had a hard time with anger. I find it harder to control. While I haven’t exploded at anyone, I find it hard not to.

I wrote extensively about a time recently when I handled anger poorly. I believe God is working on my anger through this cancer. He’s certainly exposing it and having me rely more and more on him rather than on my own effort.

I often pray, asking God to make me “slow to anger and abounding in mercy” (Psalm 103:8 NASB) and to help me be “quick to listen and slow to speak” (James 1:19 NASB).

Faith

One lesson certainly is faith. Even though I’m not getting the answers to prayers that I want, I’m still trusting God and that He has my best interests at heart, even when I see things seemingly getting worse. It’s not easy to trust and have faith when I see decline.

My mother doesn’t remember things I’ve told her many times. She doesn’t get dressed and get out of the house often. This is hard. She is clearly declining and is not handling the stress well.

It’s not easy to have faith when I see how much has changed.

My dad is in pain every day. The man with whom I used to climb mountains and run 10-mile races has trouble walking from the car to the gym in the parking lot.

I have faith, but what I feel is despair.

Now one of my regular prayers is “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” Psalm 42:5.

Praise is helpful. When I read one of the psalms of praise as a prayer, it helps. It restores my joy and hope.

Hope

Even when things look grim, I still have hope. I believe “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:4

I’m reminded of the lyrics to the song Even If by Mercy Me. I pray to God that he will heal my dad and mom, and I hope he does, but as the song says:

“I know You’re able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone”

Love

It’s easy to love when things are going well, when life is blessed, and when others love you in return. When facing aging parents’ decline in health and feeling angry, it’s hard to love, but love I must.

When I feel anger and sadness, love doesn’t come naturally, but it will come supernaturally. God is Love (1 John 4:8). He is the source of love. The fruits of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). So, love is not up to me and my strength. Love comes from God, who is love.

When I can’t love, God does. I see him helping me love my wife when I want to explode. I see him help me love my children when I’m out of my own patience. I do fail, but God picks me up and helps me apologize and love better.

Joy and Peace

I’m not happy; I’m sad. Joy is not a feeling. It’s a profound sense of peace and trust. I have peace. Even if my parents should leave this earth, I know I will see them again. I trust God is working things out for good, even if I can’t see it. I have joy and peace even when I feel sadness and anger.

God is Working

I don’t pretend to know all God is doing in the midst of this. I don’t know all he is trying to teach me. I do know and trust that he is working and teaching me. I’ll come out of this better, stronger, and more mature.

I don’t fully know what he’s teaching me. You may be wondering the same thing, but together we can trust that he’s teaching you something, too.