Why Don’t We Listen?

I used to think I was a patient person.

When I was single, I could do what I wanted when I wanted. I was on time without waiting for someone else. When I spent time with kids, it was only for a few hours. Yet others even told me I was patient. They saw that I worked with children, played with them, taught them, and generally got along well with them.

Then I got married, and everything changed. I discovered something about myself.

I was selfish and impatient, and I wanted my way; therefore, I wanted people to do things when I thought they should. I wanted people to understand what I was saying. I wanted to be heard.

And when they didn’t?

I became frustrated.

Sometimes I became angry.

I’ve come to realize that one of the roots of my anger is remarkably simple: I want my way.

When I was without a family, I didn’t think I had an anger issue. But when I got married, I found myself upset when we ran late and impatient with my kids and my wife. I could no longer do what I wanted, when I wanted. I felt angry. Why? Because I am selfish. I like what I think and believe is best; after all, I am always right.

I’m still working on this issue. God is making progress, but I am still dealing with anger and selfishness. Allow me to share what I’m learning about why anger is destructive and how God is helping me to choose love instead.

Why Conflict?

Conflict happens often because we don’t listen. We have our own preconceived thoughts, opinions, and paradigms. We want to be heard and understood, so we advocate for our position. We believe we are right and will argue to prove it.

The results of this self-centered thinking and behavior are devastating. At a minimum, we wound others emotionally. At worst, wars and conflicts break out, killing millions of people.

The Remedy – Be Quick to Listen and  Slow to Speak

Let’s look more practically at how we can overcome our anger. James 1:19-20 says, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” This is often my prayer for myself. I wans to be quick to listen and slow to speak.

By the power of the Holy Spirit, we can listen to others with understanding.

Do you know why we become angry? Because we want our own way. We don’t want to listen to another way.

We need to listen to others and, most importantly, listen to God. It’s not my way, my wife’s way, my kids’ way; it is God’s way that we need. When we disagree, pray. Listen to what God wants.

We are often quick to speak because we want our way and to be heard. That is selfish. We need to seek what others want. Philippians 2:3-4 says: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others more important than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Listen to what others want. Notice that human anger doesn’t accomplish anything good. Verse 20 says, “because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” This is all the more reason we need to seek God’s will if we want the righteousness God desires.

When Bedtime Isn’t Peaceful

Our bedtime routine includes family devotions with our daughters. This is meant to be a peaceful time where we encounter God through prayer and reading his word. However, we often struggle to meet at the same time. The girls need to get ready for bed, which includes brushing their teeth, washing their faces, getting on pajamas, and getting clothes ready for school the next day.

My wife is a host home provider, which means we have people with intellectual disabilities living in our home, and she has to make sure medication is taken, teeth are brushed, and a host of other little duties. Sometimes I assume my wife is done, or she says she’s ready, but the girls aren’t. When the girls are not ready, she may do another task like prepare lunches for the next morning.

Communication breaks down. We fail to listen. My wife may say she’s preparing lunches, but I don’t hear. I may say, “Let’s meet in the bedroom,” but that’s not understood. We are all rushed and heading in different directions. When we finally assemble, there’s no peace and much misunderstanding. I’ll defend what I did. My wife will defend what she did. My girls will defend their behavior. Conflict arises because we don’t listen; instead, we defend.

What should be peaceful and prayerful turns into a minor conflict, hurt feelings, and stress. Why? Because we fail to listen. Nobody in the room is necessarily trying to cause a problem. We’re simply failing to listen.

This is a simple example, but it gets far worse. I know my wife and kids have been in tears because I didn’t listen and understand. My girls have had conflicts with a friend because there was no listening or understanding.

Wisdom from Proverbs

Proverbs repeatedly warns us about the danger of too many words. Proverbs 17:28 says that even a fool can appear wise if he keeps silent. Proverbs 10:19 similarly warns that when words multiply, sin is not far behind. Proverbs 18:13 says we need to listen before we answer. We need to understand what the other is saying and then respond; otherwise, we may come across as unprepared or foolish.

That’s uncomfortable for me because when I am angry, I want to talk. I want to justify myself and be understood. I want to explain. I want to defend myself. I want to make sure the other person understands why I’m right.

But perhaps wisdom sometimes looks like keeping my mouth shut long enough to understand someone else.

Why Do We Become Angry?

I don’t think all anger starts with hatred. Anger is a secondary emotion. Often, a feeling like sadness or hurt lies beneath the anger.

Anger sometimes starts with something much simpler than mere hatred. It’s rooted in selfishness.

• I want my way.
• I want to be respected.
• I want to be heard.
• I want things done my way.
• I want people to recognize that I’m right.
• I want my plans to work.
• I want someone else to change.

When I don’t get what I want, frustration begins. If I hold onto that frustration, it can become anger.

Philippians 2:3–4 tells us to “do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

That Scripture gives us the opposite of selfishness: humility. Humility is seeing God for who he is and ourselves for who we are. When we are prideful and selfish, we are making ourselves God. Instead, we need to let God be God. He knows what is best because he created us.

The two greatest commands are to love God and to love others as ourselves. We love others best when we put their interests ahead of our own. This doesn’t mean letting them walk over us or always giving in to their way, but it does mean listening to their desires, wants, and thoughts with understanding.

A Personal Example: Bedtime

As I said, my wife is a host home provider, which means we have mentally handicapped people living in our home. For a time, we had only 2. We recently had the opportunity to take on another. I was generally against the idea. I think it’s too much of a burden on my wife. We’ve had 3; it seemed to overwhelm her at times. Also, to have 3, we need to consolidate our girls into one room. They were 9 and 11 at the time and beginning to express their own independence. They wanted to decorate and arrange their room however they want. It isn’t easy to get them to agree. They wanted their own room.

We’ve twice turned down potential clients. We prayed and asked friends to pray. Each time, to my relief, we felt God said, “No.” We didn’t fight, though we disagreed. My wife felt stressed and concerned each time. She really wanted the extra income and security of having 3, so if one leaves, she has 2. When the 3^rd possibility was presented, it looked more like God was saying “yes.” I had to pray because our girls were definitely opposed, and I wasn’t exactly in favor of it.

As I prayed, it came to me to take our girls out to Starbucks and listen to their objections. We did. They objected, but as we talked, we started to consider committing to having one leave by the time the oldest was 13. Everyone agreed with this. My wife expected one of them to move out on their own by that time, which is why she wanted the security of having 3. We agreed that if one didn’t move out, we would let them go. It’s still a bumpy road.

We could have given in to what the girls wanted, or we could have demanded what their mother wanted. Instead, we listened, and we reached a third alternative.

I didn’t take my daughters to Starbucks to convince them I was right.

I took them there to hear them.

That distinction matters.

If I had already decided the answer, asking questions would have been nothing more than a debating tactic. I would have been waiting for them to finish so I could explain why they were wrong.

Instead, I tried to listen.

When I stop trying to be heard and start trying to understand, conflict changes.

This situation could have exploded into anger. I could have been angry at my wife for wanting to separate our girls and possibly overwhelm our family. I could have been angry at my daughters for resisting. Instead, we chose to listen, pray, and seek God’s will together.

Listening Doesn’t Mean Agreeing

• I can hear my wife without agreeing with her.
• I can hear my children without giving them everything they ask for.
• I can hear someone who disagrees with me without changing my beliefs.

Listening simply means I care enough to understand. Sometimes, after listening, I’ll still say no. But at least the other person knows that I heard them.

The Most Important Person to Listen To

Ecclesiastes 5:2 says, “Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God.”

There is someone else we need to listen to before we make our decisions: God.

Ecclesiastes warns us not to be hasty with our mouths or our hearts before God.

Sometimes I become so busy trying to make everyone else hear me that I forget to listen to God. Sometimes I so selfishly want my way, that I fail to remember, “Thy will be done.”

I pray, but am I listening? Prayer is not just asking God for what we want. It’s not just telling him our problems. Prayer is not just asking God for what we want. It’s not just telling Him our problems. We also need to pause and listen—to seek His will through Scripture, the guidance of the Holy Spirit, and wise counsel. Put aside our agenda and our wants and ask, “What do you want, God?”

I ask God to bless my decision, but am I willing to change my decision if He leads me somewhere else?

Responding to Anger

Proverbs 15:1  says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” I’ve learned how true that is in my own home. When my kids are angry, and I respond angrily, I haven’t solved anything. I’ve added another angry person to the room. Or worse, I’ve brought my kids to tears. I’ve wounded them emotionally.

James 3:2 says, “We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is able, just like a person who puts a bit in a horse’s mouth, to control their whole body.”  James reminds us that we all stumble in many ways, especially in what we say. Controlling our tongue is difficult because our words reveal what is happening inside us.

When I’m angry, my words often reveal that I am thinking about myself.

• I want.
• I deserve.
• You should.
• You always.
• You never.

Those words aren’t really about solving the problem.

They’re about defending myself, getting my selfish way.

Listen, Speak Carefully, and Forgive

Listening may prevent some conflicts, but we will still hurt each other. We are imperfect people living together. Even when we listen, we will misunderstand. Even when we speak gently, we will sometimes say the wrong thing.

That’s where forgiveness comes in.

Colossians 3:13 says to “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you”

When someone hurts us, our natural response is to defend ourselves and hold onto the offense. Scripture gives us another way: “forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending nothing happened. It doesn’t mean allowing someone to continue hurting us. It means giving up our desire for revenge and trusting God with justice.

Back to Bedtime

I’m not writing this because I’ve mastered anger. I’m writing it because God is teaching me how destructive my anger can be—and how much better His way is.

Sometimes I wish I could say I’ve figured this out. I haven’t. There are still evenings when we’re all tired, everyone is trying to get somewhere, nobody quite hears what the other person said, and frustration begins to rise.

But now I recognize the pattern. Someone says something. I misunderstand. I become frustrated. I want to defend myself. My voice gets louder. And suddenly, our peaceful family devotion has become a source of conflict.

That’s my signal. I need to look inward, not outward.

I remind myself:

Stop. Listen.

• What is my wife actually saying?
• What are my daughters actually saying?
• What am I assuming?

And most importantly:

What is God asking me to do?

I don’t always get it right. In fact, I probably still get it wrong more times than right. I’m an imperfect human, but I’m learning that being quick to listen and slow to speak isn’t just good advice for avoiding arguments.

Being quick to listen and slow to speak isn’t just good advice for avoiding arguments. It’s a way of loving my family.

Family Time

Some of the best childhood memories aren’t made on vacations or at big events — they’re made on an ordinary Tuesday evening, sprawled on the living room floor, laughing so hard you can barely breathe. That’s the magic of family games. You don’t need fancy equipment, a big budget, or hours of free time. All you need is a little creativity, a willing group of players, and maybe a blanket or two for building the world’s greatest pillow fort.

Deuteronomy 6:6-7 says: “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” This not only commands us to be intentional about teaching our children but also highlights the importance of making family time a natural, daily rhythm.

How Our Family Put Into Practice

Our family put this into practice by making time to connect through one-on-one time with our daughters, family time, outdoor time, and devotional time. We had to get creative to make time for intentional family time. This blog presents some of the things we did to spend quality time with our daughters.

This collection is a mix of games passed down through generations — the ones your parents and grandparents probably played — alongside a few silly inventions that emerged from bored kids looking for something to do. Some are quiet and thoughtful, like guessing games and storytelling. Others are loud, chaotic, and guaranteed to get everyone moving, like Sleeping Bear or a rousing round of Going on a Bear Hunt. There are games for outdoors and indoors, for toddlers and teenagers, for two players or twenty.

And it’s not just games — you’ll also find crafts to get your hands messy, simple science experiments to spark curiosity, and ideas for turning story time into real conversation.

Whether you’re looking to fill a lazy Sunday afternoon, entertain a house full of cousins, or create a reason to put the screens down for an hour, there’s something here for you. So gather the family, pick a game, and get ready to make some noise (and some memories).

• Sleeping bear
  • Rules
    • The bear lies down on the ground with its eyes closed, with honey in its paws.
    • The other players try to steal honey from the bear.
    • If the bear wakes, it chases other players. If the player is caught, they are out. If they reach a “goal,” something like a couch, they are safe.
    • The remaining person becomes the bear.
  • Comment
    • This was one of my kids’ favorites when they were little, especially when Daddy was the bear.
• Going on a bear hunt
  • Here is the call-and-response routine:
    • Leader: We’re going on a bear hunt.
    • Group: We’re going on a bear hunt.
    • Leader: I’ve got my big binoculars!
    • Group: I’ve got my big binoculars!
    • Leader: I’m not scared.
    • Group: I’m not scared.
    • Leader: Oh no! It’s some long, wavy grass.
    • Group: Oh no! It’s some long, wavy grass.
    • Leader: Can’t go over it.
    • Group: Can’t go over it.
    • Leader: Can’t go under it.
    • Group: Can’t go under it.
    • Leader: Must go through it.
    • Group: Must go through it.
    • Leader: Oh no! We’ve got to go through it!
    • Group: Oh no! We’ve got to go through it!
    • Continue with obstacles until the cave
    • Leader: Oh no! It’s dark cave.
    • Group: Oh no! It’s dark cave.
    • Leader: Can’t go over it.
    • Group: Can’t go over it.
    • Leader: Can’t go under it.
    • Group: Can’t go under it.
    • Leader: Must go inside.
    • Group: Must go inside.
    • Leader: Sure is dark in here.
    • Group: Sure is dark in here.
    • Leader: I feel something furry.
    • Leader: It feels like a bear.
    • Leader: Rowr! It is a bear.
    • Go through every obstacle backward.
    • Leader: Slam the door
    • Leader: Whew.
  • The Obstacles
    • For each obstacle, repeat the “Can’t go over it…” verses, but change the action and sound effect while you “go through” it:
    • Long wavy grass: Swish, swish, swish (Move hands/hips side-to-side)
    • A deep, cold river: Splash, splash, splash (Slap hands on legs)
    • Muck and thick mud: Squelch, squelch, squelch (Stomp your feet)
    • A big, dark forest: Stumble, trip, stumble (Clumsy, heavy stomping)
    • A mountain rock: Grunt! (My climbing motions)
    • A narrow, dark cave: Step, step, step (Tiptoe quietly)
• Silly story
  • The leader begins a story with a few sentences.
  • Each playing adds a few sentences to the story.
  • After a predetermined set of rounds, the leader ends the story.

• Hide the object behind the back
  • The leader hides an object.
  • Players guess what they have
  • Do it like 20 questions with yes/no answers.
• What is missing?
  • Spread various objects in a line on the floor
  • Cover objects with blanket.
  • Remove one.
  • Players figure out what’s missing.

• Sorting game
  • Choose objects that can be categorized, like coins, and separate them into chosen categories.
• Bucket ball toss
  • Line up 5 or 6 buckets with various prizes in each bucket.
  • Toss a ball into each, starting with the closest.
• Sink the foil boat with coins
  • Make a boat from foil.
  • Put one coin in each boat until they sink.
  • Last boat to sink is the winning boat.
• Family nature walk
  • Go for a walk around the neighborhood, or a park or trail.
  • Purposely notice animals, bugs and plants.
• Alphabet Games
  • Going to the zoo and going to see a …
  • Going on a camping trip and taking a…
• Read one sentence from a story and guess the story.
  • Helps to have a series of stories you read multiple times.
• Treasure hunt
  • Hide various riddle clues around the house.
  • The answer to each riddle is the next hidding place.
  • The last hiding place has a treasure (often a sweet treat).
• “The Floor is Lava.”
  • Toss pillows around the floor.
  • Avoid steping on the floor by stepping on the pillows.
• Make an indoor obstacle course.
• Build a giant fort out of blankets, chairs and pillows.

• Have a pillow fight.
• Make me laugh
  • Based on the TV game show.
  • Set a minute timer.
  • One person tells jokes or does silly things to make another player laugh.
• Puppet Show
  • Can make puppets as a craft or buy some.
  • Have fun with your own skit or find a prepared one.
  • Act out a story you’ve read with the kids.
• Acting relay
  • This wonderful theater game will have everyone laughing. As the facilitator, go through a series of pantomiming everyday tasks or experiences: going camping, eating an ice cream cone, bowling, changing a tire, changing a light bulb, listening to music on your iPod, watching a movie, being a rock musician, blowing out candles on a birthday cake, or making pancakes. The list can go on forever! Give the roles in turn to each player.

Bible Games

• Guess Biblical Character
  • The leader chooses a character from the Bible.
  • The leader gives a hint.
  • Take turn guessing.
  • Alternate hint and guessing until someone gets the right character.
• Scripture Memory
  • Choose a verse to remember.
  • Say the first word of the verse and toss a ball to another person.
  • Person with ball says the next word.
  • Keep tossing the ball and saying the next word until the whole verse is said.
• Repent
  • Have one person be Jesus
  • The others run away from him.
  • Jesus yells, “Repent!”
  • Those running turn around and run back to him.

Traditional Games

• I spy
• Tag
• Hide and Seek
  • Sardines variation where one hides, but when found the others hide with the person
  • Added tag. When the person runs to a goal. If tagged, then out.
  • Ghost in the graveyard. Normally down at night. All hide together; when the ghost is spotted, yell “A ghost!” and run from it
• Hot Potato
• Musical Chairs
• Scavenger hunt
• Balloon volley ball
• Keep balloon in the air

Crafts – Here are a few ideas to get you started.

• Shared drawing
  • Choose something to draw like a bird.
  • Set a minute timer.
  • Everyone begins to draw on their own paper.
  • When timer is done pass paper to the left.
  • Everyone adds to the drawing until eveyone has added to each of the drawings.
• Papermache
  • Base Form: Use balloons, chicken wire, or crumpled newspaper (or foil) to shape your creation.
    Paper: Standard, non-shiny newspaper torn into 1- to 2-inch strips. Tearing creates jagged edges that blend more smoothly than cut edges.
    Paste: Mix 1 part all-purpose flour to 2 parts warm water until it reaches a pancake-batter consistency. Add a pinch of salt to prevent mold. (Alternatively, use 1 part white school glue to 1 part water)
  • Prepare the Object
    • Build the underlying shape of your object. You can bunch up newspaper and secure it with masking tape, or use an inflated balloon for hollow shapes like bowls or piñatas.
  • Apply the Paper
    • Dip a strip of paper into your paste, run it between two fingers to wipe off the excess, and lay it flat over your base. Smooth the strip down with your fingers to press out any air bubbles. Overlap the strips and lay them in alternating directions (horizontal, vertical, and diagonal) to build a strong crisscross structure.
  • Let It Dry
    • Allow the wet paper mache to dry completely before applying additional layers. This typically takes about 24 hours, depending on the humidity.
    • You will need 2 to 3 layers for basic projects, or 4 to 6 layers if your final object requires extra sturdiness or needs to be cut open.
  • Decorate and Finish
    • Once your final layer is completely dry, you can use fine-grit sandpaper to smooth out any rough bumps or ragged edges. Seal the surface with a primer or a glue-and-water mixture, then decorate it with acrylic paints.
• Owl
  • Draw or print a picture of an owl
  • Use colored tissue paper torn into small pieces as feathers
  • Glue feathers using stick glue
  • Cut our round black circles for eyes, or use buttons or googly eyes.

Science experiments – here are some ideas to get you started

• Simple Acid Base
  • Marerials
    • Foil Tray
    • Plastic Cups
    • Eyedropper
    • Food coloring, primary colors only (red, blue, yellow).
    • Vinegar
    • Baking Soda
  • Step by Step Instructions
    • Scatter baking soda in piles on the foil tray.
    • Pour vinegar and food coloring into cups. One color per cup.
    • Use an eyedropper to drop the vinegar mixture onto the baking soda.
  • Example of my kids doing this experiment.
• Lava Lamp
  • Materials Needed
    • Clean clear plastic bottle or glass jar
    • Vegetable oil
    • Water
    • Food coloring
    • Alka-Seltzer tablets
    • Glitter (optional)
  • Step-by-Step Instructions
    • Pour water into your jar until it is about 1/4 to 1/3 full.
    • Add 5 to 10 drops of food coloring to the water.
    • Fill the rest of the container with vegetable oil, leaving a little space at the top. You will notice the oil floats on top of the water because it is less dense.
    • If you want an extra sparkly effect, add some glitter.
    • Break an Alka-Seltzer tablet into 2 to 4 smaller pieces. Drop one piece into the oil and watch the bubbling lava effect begin.
    • When the fizzing slows down, add another piece of the tablet to keep the reaction going.

Reading Stories – Suggestions

• Read stories aloud to the kids.
• Have the kids read the story when they are able.
• Read a chapter a night until the book is finished.
• Ask questions about the book.
  • What choices did the characters make?
  • What were the consequences of those choices?
  • What did you like about the story?
  • What didn’t you like?
  • What’s the main point the author was trying to convey?
  • Does the message agree with our values and scripture?
• See my blog on the importance of reading stories.
• For book ideas, see this blog.

It’s not the activity that matters; it’s the intentional choice to spend time together as a family that does. Choose activities that fit your family and your schedule. Make time for what matters most. https://bobrichleyauthor.store/2026/07/14/fun-family-games-for-quality-time/

How We Built Intentional Family Time — And What It Taught Us

It’s 7:45 pm. Teeth are brushed, pajamas are on, and my youngest is negotiating for “just one more minute” before the towel comes out and objects disappear from the carpet in front of her. She squints, trying to remember what was there a second ago. This is family time — ten minutes we’ve protected almost every night for years, long before either of my daughters could tell time on their own.

Most families don’t choose their routine; it chooses them. Kids have school, parents have work, meals need to be made, and by the time the dishes are done, everyone collapses in front of a screen and the day repeats itself. We didn’t want to live a cycle that was simply handed to us, so early in our marriage — when our kids were still very little — we decided to be intentional about a few things that mattered most, like precious one-on-one time, family time, devotional time, less screen time and more outdoor time. It made a bigger difference than we expected.

On a typical day, my wife or I make breakfast, she drives the kids to school, and I head to work. When the kids get home, they get half an hour on their devices before homework starts, and I help as needed. My youngest has gymnastics twice a week; my oldest crochets and draws. We watch very little TV — maybe an hour on the nights my youngest doesn’t have practice. That’s our routine. Except…

The Bedtime Routine We Built on Purpose

We decided early in our marriage, when the kids were very little, that we would be purposeful about how we spent our time especialy with our kids.

Once the necessities were done — cleaned up, dressed, teeth brushed — we carved out a sequence of small, deliberate rituals:

One-on-one time. For ten minutes, I’d sit with one daughter while my wife spent time with the other, then we’d swap. The child got to choose the activity. We alternated who started with whom each night so it never felt lopsided. As the girls got older and the whole routine started running long, they told us they’d rather just have family time — so we let one-on-one time go. Kids grow out of things, and that’s fine; the goal was never to keep every piece forever.

Family time. Ten more minutes, but this time Mom and Dad chose the activity. Often it was a simple made-up game like “What’s Missing?” — we’d set objects on the floor, cover them with a towel, remove one, and see if the kids could name it. Other nights it was hide-and-seek or whatever silly thing came to mind. One of my favorites was reading from a story one sentence and guessing the story. Some stories we had read so many times, the kids had them practically memorized. The kids won this game more than the parents.

Story time. I’d snuggle with my daughters and read aloud, which eventually turned into working through a chapter at a time. Charlotte’s Web is still one of my favorite memories from those nights. I loved that story, as did my kids. I later wrote a whole post on The Importance of Reading Aloud: Benefits for Children

Family devotion. We’d read scripture, play a kids’ worship song, and pray together. As the girls got older, the song dropped away, and we added devotional books that still centered on scripture and prayer.

None of this happened perfectly every night. There were plenty of evenings when someone was cranky, the routine felt too long, or we skipped a piece because it had been a hard day. All too often, the kids were bouncing off the walls during devotions. What mattered wasn’t perfect execution — it was choosing to protect the time often enough that it became the norm rather than the exception. We were choosing our priorities and intentionally living by them, and we still are. The method or activities may change, but the priorities don’t.

Screens and the Outdoors, On Purpose Too. When TV entered the picture, we didn’t want it to be passive. I worried about the messages my kids would absorb without questioning them, so I started asking simple questions during and after: What choice did that character just make? What happened because of it? I wrote more about this approach in Active Viewing: How to Discuss TV Shows with Kids

We were just as deliberate about time outdoors. When the girls were babies, I pushed them around the block in their stroller most days. As they grew, that became trips to the park, walks where we intentionally noticed bugs and plants, and eventually camping trips and mountain hikes as a family. I wrote about why this mattered in The Benefits of Outdoor Play for Child Development

What We’ve Noticed

My daughters are tweens now, and we’re still doing versions of these same habits. A few things we’ve noticed along the way:

• They do well in school — which tracks with the research I cited in my other posts about how reading and time in nature support academic performance.
• They ask to go outside and go camping. They wouldn’t ask if the habit of outdoor time hadn’t become something they genuinely enjoy.
• They read on their own now, without being told to — my oldest is currently working through Little Women, and my youngest picked up Watership Down.
• They engage with scripture independently. My oldest has read the entire Bible in the King James Version on her own, which we credit partly to years of nightly devotion normalizing it as just part of the day.
• We get compliments on their manners, and in Sunday school, they’re often the ones helping the teacher because they know the material.

We don’t think any of this happened because we were extraordinary parents. We are far from perfect and have certainly made many mistakes. It happened because we picked a small number of things — connection, reading, faith, the outdoors — and consistently set aside time for them, even when it would have been easier not to.

If You Want to Try This

You don’t need to copy our exact routine. Start smaller:

1. Pick one 10-minute slot in your existing schedule — bedtime, after dinner, wherever there’s already a natural pause — and protect it before anything else gets added.
2. Choose one ritual, not five. Reading aloud, a made-up game, a walk around the block — pick the one that fits your family and do it consistently before adding more.
3. Be as consistent as possible. With any good habit, if you let it slip too many times, it will cease to be a habit. Children thrive on consistency and expect it. So value this time and guard it.
4. Let your kids have a say in some of it. Giving them a choice in even one part of the routine (like we did with one-on-one time) makes it something they look forward to instead of something done to them or demanded of them.
5. Expect it to change. What works when your kids are toddlers won’t look the same when they’re tweens. Let the routine evolve instead of trying to preserve it exactly as it started.
6. Don’t aim for perfect. Some nights will be rushed or skipped entirely. The habit is built by showing up most nights, not every night. The only one we did without fail was devotion, though sometimes we did it in the car.

If you need a few ideas, check out this blog.

The specific rituals matter less than the decision behind them: that family time wouldn’t just be whatever was left over after everything else was done. All habits begin with an intentional decision. Don’t let life just happen to you and your family. Be intentional about the choices you make to make your family great.