My dad has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in his rectum, bladder, and sternum. He’s a “healthy 84,” so the doctor thinks he can eliminate it with chemo and immunotherapy. This is not the first time. He had cancer in his rectum over 30 years ago. At that time, I wrote this poem:

Facing Cancer

"I'm facing my biggest fear,"
He said to me.
I was already hurting.
These words I did not need to hear.

"How does it feel to see me this way?"
He asked of me.
Hurt for him is what I felt.
"Sad" was all I could say.

The man with whom I could run 10 miles
And scale mountain peaks
Now, struggled to walk a few feet.
Memories of such days, now, did not bring smiles.

Seeing my dad weak and in pain,
Hurts me too much.
But though this is hard to bear,
I know our faith will not wane.

Through this fight for his life,
I'll be by his side,
And praying to my Lord:
"Comfort us. Save my father's life."

What outcome lies ahead for us?
It's beyond my control.
I simply do not know.
So in our Lord and Savior we place our trust.

Now we say the same prayers again. It’s just as hard, if not harder. I also pray for the “peace that surpasses all understanding.” Phillipians 4:7

I find it is easier to be angry. Someone tried to provoke me to anger yesterday. The Holy Spirit had to have given me self-control, because I certainly wanted to explode but didn’t. I find I’m less patient with my daughters, too, and have to be more careful not to snap in anger over petty offenses.

I’m most thankful for the prayers, love, and support of my fellow Christians. I can genuinely feel their concern; I can see it in their eyes, and I can feel it in my heart.

I look at my daughters, 10 and 12, and pray my father lives to see them grow into the Godly women they are meant to be. He’s proud of who they are already. They are mature beyond their years. They are smart, beautiful and gifted. My dad sees and knows this already.

As a relatively unknown author navigating the early stages of promoting my book, Redeeming Rhubarb, the journey is as much personal as it is professional. The book has earned a Certified Great Read distinction and a strong Kirkus review, but my deepest validation comes from home. My father has read it, and he knows how special it is.

My prayer now is for time: time to work hard and share this book with the world, and time for my dad to witness both its success and the growth of my daughters. Whatever the future holds, he already knows the depth of what I’ve created and what outsanding daughters I have.

I am not without hope. I do believe in a God who can perform miracles. At the same time, I’m skeptical and don’t have much faith in the medical profession. I believe his doctors and medical professionals have his best interest in mind. I also believe that God will work all things together for good Romans 8:28.

Facing Cancer Again

Once again, we face our biggest fears.
Though the pain brings us many tears,
We stay firm in our faith and belief, 
That God will bring us relief

While we still have hopes and dreams. 
We see beyond evil's schemes 
To our heavenly reward and place,
No matter what trials we face.