I have two daughters who are very close to my parents. My parents live in another state, but my girls have still spent a lot of time with them through visits and FaceTime. I remember my mom reading Amelia Bedelia to them when they were little, laughing so hard she could barely finish the story. My dad taught both of them how to fish, just like he taught me.

Now he has stage 4 cancer, and my mom is starting to show early signs of Alzheimer’s. My daughters have put my parents on their school prayer list, and I’ve been praying for my dad too. We’ve seen people healed in our church before. We keep praying for healing, but my parents aren’t getting better. I wonder how I’m supposed to explain that to my kids.

What They See

My kids are watching me as I deal with my dad’s cancer and my mom’s Alzheimer’s. They see that I don’t have all the answers, and that’s okay.

They see my sadness, and they hear my prayers. In my prayers, I say my hope is you alone. There’s a song that’s been playing on repeat lately. My kids know the words by now: “Even If” by MercyMe.

“I know You’re able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone”

They know I listen to this song a lot, and I tell them why. The song and my prayers remind me that the struggle is knowing God can heal and accepting when he doesn’t. Our hope isn’t in healing; our hope is in him. Jesus conquered death and will return to make all things right. God is able to heal; I pray for healing, and I don’t know why healing doesn’t always come. We hold on to the promise in Revelation:

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” (Revelation 21:4 ESV)

We went to a MercyMe concert; I asked my girls to tag along even though they only knew a few songs (they prefer Josiah Queen). I told them why I wanted to go, because I was dealing with Papa’s cancer and that the song Even If helps me. It has become my prayer. I told them I appreciated their support by coming with me.

My kids see what I feel and the relief the song brings to me. They saw me worshiping in the midst of my pain.

What I Feel

I feel sad and hurt, but sometimes it comes out as anger. I try to keep self-control with the help of the Holy Spirit, but I don’t always succeed. My kids see that. I recently had to apologize to my daughter for raising my voice. She did have a bad attitude and needed correction, but I didn’t need to yell. A soft answer would have worked much better. (Proverbs 15:1 KJV).

I’m honest about my feelings. I tell my girls when I’m hurt and sad. I’ve explained that anger is a secondary emotion. They’ve seen me struggle with anger. I’ve taken long walks to pray. I even went to the mountains to hike and pray for hours.

My kids have also seen me laugh. We went to a funny movie after I was angry, and I laughed. My kids saw that laughter can help bring healing even when we’re hurting (Proverbs 17:22).

What They Do

I’ve often asked my kids to FaceTime my mom. I tell them they are her greatest joy and that calling her helps a lot. I’m proud that my girls love my mom enough to FaceTime her. My dad has told me that when my daughters call my mom, it helps.

They don’t talk about cancer or memory issues. They just tell my mom what’s been happening in their day, which is all my mom really wants to hear. That’s what warms her heart.

I see the smiles on their faces after they talk with my mom. Sometimes, they will call without my prompting. I know they are growing in compassion.

My girls are contributing to my parents’ well-being. I’m so thankful that they are. As they do, they are learning what to do when someone is hurting.

I saw an example of this just this week. My youngest daughter’s friend lost her grandmother to cancer. After the death, my daughter visited her friend, and they went to church together. We celebrated her friend’s birthday at our house to bring her some joy during a tough time. My daughter took her shopping for gifts, and we had cake and ice cream at home. Her friend’s parents and siblings joined us. My daughter didn’t need any prompting from me to help her friend. She’s been noticing what others need and showing the compassion she’s learned.

What They Learn

I don’t have answers. Rather than giving my kids a lecture on the theology of pain, I’m letting them watch me and giving them practical experience in handling it.

I’m living out my faith in front of them, admitting when I fail. They see my struggle, and that’s good. They’ll know it’s okay to struggle with faith, but they’ll also know that I’m not losing my faith just because I’m not getting the answers I want.

Our children will encounter suffering. They will ask us questions we can’t answer. We can still teach them how to live faithfully when the answers don’t come.

What are my kids learning as they watch me struggle through a trial? They’re seeing an honest lesson in perseverance, faith, and resilience—and discovering that we can keep trusting God even when life doesn’t go as planned. Read the post to learn more.