Parenting With Love: Modeling Kindness Your Children Can See

Posted on by Bob Richley
Parents preparing together while two children sit nearby in a cozy living room

Children are always watching — and what they see shapes who they become. This poem explores the quiet but powerful ways parents model behavior, attitudes, and values for their kids, often without realizing it. If you’re thinking about how to raise compassionate, kind children, this one’s for you.

Parent's Be Aware

Beware what you despise,
Your children see it in your eyes.
Be mindful of whom you shun,
For they are watching, every one.

Who do you welcome into your life?
Who do you treat with love or strife?
Do you see the person, not the skin?
Do you welcome those who don't fit in?

Your children pay attention.
They notice more than you might mention.
They see the kindness that you show
And the attitudes you don't always know.

So treat others as you would want to be treated.
Let kindness and compassion be repeated.
For the gifts you give your children each day
Are found not only in what you say.

When you love those who aren't the same as you,
Your children learn what love can do.
Be true to yourself, your family, and God
And let your life show the path you want them to trod.

What This Poem Is About

Children absorb parental attitudes and behaviors more than they absorb words. Whether we realize it or not, we are teaching our kids how to treat others, what to value, and how to respond to the world. Parents are their first and most powerful teachers, shaping not just what children know, but who they become.

Teaching Children Kindness Through Example

Parents are teaching our children things we are not aware we are teaching. Children learn from our behaviors.

Being intentional as a parent means modeling empathy, love, and positive behavior in our daily lives. When we choose kindness in our interactions and children witness it, we teach them far more than any lecture ever could. Children and empathy go hand in hand — and they learn it best by watching us model compassion for others.

Want to explore more about parenting with intention, building character in your children, and creating a home filled with kindness? Check out my full posts on what you’re unknowingly teaching your kids and How Parenting Habits Shape Children’s Views on Race and Others. Discover more resources on parenting, kindness, and raising thoughtful, compassionate children.

What Are You Handing Your Kids Without Knowing It?

Posted on by Bob Richley
A child watches two adults organizing papers at a dining table

How children absorb the world around them — and what this Colorado dad learned the hard way

When we think about teaching our children values, we usually think about the conversations we have: The things we say, the rules we set, the lessons we explain at the dinner table or before bed.

But children are not primarily learning from what we say. They are learning from what we do — and from what we feel. My kids will learn more from what I do than what I say, lecture, or try to teach them.

I saw that in a way I didn’t expect.

We have three people with intellectual disabilities living in our home. My intention has always been that my daughters would learn compassion from that experience. That they would see what it looks like to care for someone vulnerable who needs more patience than most situations require.

But what I’ve actually noticed is this: when I’m frustrated — and I do get frustrated — my daughters pick that up: Not the compassion I intend, but rather the frustration I actually show.

I’ve seen them repeat things I’ve done out of frustration and express the same verbal frustrations I’ve expressed.

That was a humbling realization. I wasn’t teaching them to be cruel. I wasn’t saying anything negative, but my reactions were forming them anyway — quietly, consistently, in a direction I hadn’t chosen.

My wife is much better at showing compassion. She is the host home provider and takes care of these individuals. She demonstrates patience and compassion, which flow from who she naturally is. My kids learn compassion from her.

I want to learn from my wife. I’m praying that I become more like her.

The Furniture We Don’t Notice

Research shows that children as young as three are already forming group preferences and social attitudes — not from explicit teaching, but from what they observe in the adults around them. By the time most parents realize they’ve been communicating something, the children have already received it.

I think of it as furniture. The beliefs and attitudes we absorb in childhood are just there — already arranged in the room when we arrive. We didn’t choose them. We didn’t even notice them being placed. But they shape the space we move through for the rest of our lives.

This is what I tried to capture in my novel Redeeming Rhubarb. Rhubarb’s pups know that rats are dangerous before they have ever met one. They learned not from a lecture but from watching him live out his fear and hatred day after day.

That’s what most of us are doing. Not maliciously. Not even consciously. But consistently.

What Prejudice Actually Looks Like Up Close

I spent three years as an evangelical Christian living in a lesbian community. I didn’t agree with everything I saw. But I got to know my neighbors as people, as individuals with names and histories and kindnesses and struggles that had nothing to do with the label I had assigned them.

And prejudice, I discovered, comes apart in exactly that way.

  • Not through argument.
  • Not through being convinced.
  • Through relationship.
  • Through proximity.
  • Through the slow accumulation of moments where a person turns out to be more complicated and more human than the category you put them in.

That experience shaped the book — and it shaped the way I think about what we hand to our children.

The question isn’t whether our children will absorb our attitudes. They will. The question is which attitudes, and whether we are paying enough attention to know what we’re actually transmitting.

What to Do When Your Child Says Something That Stops You Cold

Most parents discover what their child has absorbed the hard way — the day their child comes home and repeats something ugly they picked up from a peer, a cousin, a classroom, a screen. Or worse, they are the child who initiated something ugly at school.

That moment is uncomfortable. But it’s also a gift. You found out what was going on in your child’s world before it took root.

Here’s what I’ve found works — and what I wrote into the book:

  • Don’t lecture. Ask questions. Not accusations — questions.
    • Where did you hear that?
    • What do you think it meant?
    • Why do you think someone would say that?
    • If they are the person who said or did something:
      • What prompted you to say or do that?
      • What were you feeling?
      • Why did you feel that way?
    • You’re not excusing the behavior.
    • You’re teaching your child to think rather than react. That’s a different and more lasting thing.
  • Don’t yell. In the book, when Bart’s nephews are cruel to animals, he doesn’t yell at them. He speaks calmly, asks questions, makes them work, and lets them feel the warmth of doing something good. They change — not because he frightened them into it, but because he led them through it. Yelling might produce compliance in the moment. It doesn’t change the heart.
  • Don’t make it a shaming moment. If your child feels attacked for bringing something to you, they’ll stop bringing things to you. And then you’re parenting blind — which is far more dangerous.
  • Do make it a conversation. Ask your child what they think about what they heard or did. Ask them what might be going on in the life of the person who said it. If they were the perpetrator, ask them what is going on in their life. How are they hurting?

In my book, Rhubarb’s prejudice is rooted in real grief — he lost his brother. Knowing that doesn’t excuse what he does. But it does make him comprehensible. And comprehension is where compassion begins.

The Harder Question

I find it easy to talk about what Rhubarb is doing wrong. He’s the cautionary tale. He’s the one whose children are absorbing something he didn’t fully intend.

But when I’m honest with myself — really honest — I know that I am Rhubarb in certain moments, when I’m impatient with the people in my home who need more from me than I feel I can give, when my frustration shows before my compassion does, when I react before I think.

My daughters are watching all of it.

That doesn’t mean I need to be perfect. It means I need to be honest — with them and with myself — about what I’m still learning. There is something powerful about a parent saying “I got that wrong, and here’s what I should have done.” It teaches children that character is not something you are born with or without. It’s something you practice and build, one choice at a time.

The Bible speaks of confession and its healing power. James 5:16, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” This applies not only to confessing to other believers, but also to confession to our children and spouses.

  • It heals the relationship.
  • It sets an example.
  • It shows vulnerability.

That’s ultimately what Redeeming Rhubarb is about. Not a mouse who was always good. A mouse who was broken in a specific way, for a real reason, and who had to decide — at great cost — to become someone different. That story is available to all of us, including the ones telling it.

To continue this conversation with your family: My free Redeeming Rhubarb Complete Companion Guide includes chapter-by-chapter discussion questions, family conversation starters, and KJV Faith Connections for all 46 chapters — available free at bobrichleyauthor.store.

When My Wife Hurts: Faith, Identity, and Letting Go of Control

Posted on by Bob Richley
Cozy armchair with blanket, tea, book, lamp, and houseplant

I love my wife. When she is hurting, I hurt. The most difficult days for me are when her mood is not good. My wife is very emotional. I’ve known and appreciated that about her since we first met. I traveled to the Philippines to meet her. When I left for home, she cried.

Yesterday was a difficult day. My wife was hurting. She felt stressed. She wanted to cry. When she feels this way, there is little I can do. I don’t have all the answers. We’ve been married thirteen years, and when she feels this way, I still do not know what to do. Mostly, I have to let her feel what she feels until her mood changes.

What happened

The day prior, my wife attended a 50th Birthday party for her friend. My kids and I did not attend. We had already been to two parties that weekend and were partied out. My oldest daughter also had homework and needed my help.

My wife and I have disagreed since the early days of our marriage on two things regarding our health. I want to eat healthy, which includes avoiding sugar and eating organic food. My wife says that the organic food is too expensive for our budget. She also takes care of three people with intellectual disabilities in our home. They have their own eating habits. I also prefer to avoid medication. Most medications mask symptoms but don’t help our body heal. My wife prefers to comfort us by taking away the symptoms.

When I went on the Whole 30 diet a few years ago, my wife had a problem. She was hurt and stressed about the diet. I did not understand why. Thankfully, we went to a marriage retreat when I started. We were able to ask questions. I explained my situation, and the pastor said something that made a huge difference. He was familiar with the Philippian culture. He told me food was their love language. My wife shows me love when she cooks. She was stressed because she didn’t know how to cook for me on the new diet.

I started reading a new book, Food Isn’t What It Used To Be, by Christine Andrew. I’ve read some of the material to my wife. This added to her stress. I offered to do the grocery shopping and to do more cooking. I think this also conflicted with her love language. She also began to worry about our budget.

My wife felt left and abandoned when we didn’t attend the Birthday celebration. She felt stressed about the cost of organic food and about meeting her clients’ food demands.

Handling the Mood

I have written about loving your wife as Christ loves the church. At our men’s retreat last year, I spoke about loving your wives. When my wife is in a bad mood, I do NOT know what to do or how to love her properly. After thirteen years of marriage, it is still a learning process.

I have learned a few things NOT to do.

  1. Don’t argue with her. There’s no point in reasoning with her. She’s filled with negative emotion, and nothing I say will make sense or change her feelings. In fact, she will feel worse.
  2. Don’t repeat anything I said that helped trigger her mood. This only reminds her. It doesn’t help.
  3. Don’t try to justify anything I did. She won’t hear or understand if I do. It doesn’t help.

I made all of those mistakes in the past and a few times yesterday. It seems I haven’t fully learned my own lessons.

By the end of the day, her mood did improve, but not because of anything I did or said.

I have learned SOME things to do.

  1. I clean the house and remove messes. Messes stress out my wife, and when she is in a bad mood, they compound the negative feelings.
  2. I embrace her often. Her love language is affection. Affection helps…sometimes. If she’s mad at me, then touch doesn’t help.
  3. I pray. I talk to God about her feelings and mine. I ask for the “peace that surpasses all understanding.” – Philippians 4:7
  4. I listen. I listen to her. I listen to God. She needs to express her feelings, and I need to hear God’s wisdom.
  5. Let her leave. I’ve learned that sometimes she needs to get away. It helps her to be alone and process her feelings.

Yesterday, I did something that seemed to help. I think God must have inspired it. I offered to take her for a walk. We just walked around the neighborhood. It helped. We talked about plans to see the Autumn leaves.

Aftermath

I’m not a perfect husband. My wife admits to not being a perfect wife. We do not have a perfect marriage. We are both growing in Christlikeness. Yesterday was a reminder that we are not perfect and we need to grow.

The wonderful thing is always the aftermath. We express love more afterward. Our love gets stronger. We apologize, and we forgive, and we move on better than we were.

Reflection Questions

What do you do when your spouse is in a bad mood?

Do you have any advice? I’d love to read suggestions.

Unique Family Traditions to Celebrate Each Season

Posted on by Bob Richley
Family and friends gathered around an outdoor table in a colorful garden

Family time is memory-building time. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate or expensive vacation. It can be as simple as a family game or going for a walk together.

Here are a few suggestions for each season of the year.

Spring Traditions to Kick Off the Year

Around Mother’s Day our family usually shops for flowers and then spend the afternoon planting them. It’s a chance to be together and enjoy the beauty of the flowers. Our girls enjoy digging the holes and deciding where to plant each flower.

We also take this time to plant our garden. We plant various vegetables such as lettuce, kale, and peas. The beauty of this is that it takes time for the plants to bloom. It’s a wonderful lesson in patience.

James 5:7

“Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the precious land to yield its crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains.

Springtime is also a wonderful time for hikes. We are blessed to live in Colorado near the foothills. It’s a short drive for us to a nice hiking spot near Boulder. Sometimes we travel a little farther to Rocky Mountain National Park or other scenic mountain destinations.

Summer Activities for Family Fun

In the summertime, we love to go swimming, camping, hiking, and horseback riding. One of our favorite destinations is the KOA in Colorado Springs. They have a wonderful mini-waterpark that the kids enjoy. It is also near our favorite horseback riding stable, the Old Stage Riding Stables.

We have two outdoor pools nearby. One has slides and is a bit of a mini-waterpark. The other is a simple pool, a little closer to home. We enjoy both.

If we want something more fun but also more expensive, we have Water World with lots of slides, wave pools, and other fun water rides.

Autumn Celebrations for Family Connection

When our girls were younger, they loved playing in the leaves. I would rake them into piles, and they would jump in and throw leaves at me. We had two tree swings that they could use to leap into the pile. I also had a leaf blower, and they enjoyed running away from the leaves it blew around. Each year, I would get my annual leaf picture of my two girls buried in the leaves.

In autumn, we also would take an annual trip into the mountains to see the fall colors. Sometimes we would drive Peak to Peak Highway and stop somewhere along the road. Other times we would drive further away to the Colorado Trail and go for a short hike.

This year, we plan to take the Cog Railway near Pikes Peak. It’s a 3.5-hour round-trip journey to the Summit of Pikes Peak. Going in late September or early October, we should see brilliant colors along the way.

Winter Festivities to Create Lasting Memories

Near Christmas, one of our traditions is to drive around the neighborhood at night to see all the Christmas lights that our neighbors have put up. We can spend half an hour or more driving. To make it especially fun, we count how many Grinches we see.

Winter is also a wonderful time to play family games. While we play games throughout the year, winter is especially nice. We can light the fireplace, sit nearby drinking hot cocoa, and play games. For some game ideas, check out this blog on fun family games.

Of course, there’s much fun to be had in the snow. We enjoy sledding and snowball fights. We love to go to the Frisco Adventure Park Sledding Hill. It’s a bit of a drive for us, but worth it. There is sledding within walking distance too. Since Colorado has been in a bit of a drought, that option has been less available than we’d like.

Intentiality

Creating memories does not need to be expensive, but it does need to be intentional. Often we go through life letting life happen to us. To create a lasting bond with your family requires intentionality. Plan trips. Set aside time to play games and be together.

What are your plans for each season?

What have been some of your favorite memories already?

Love Your Wife Like Jesus: A Husband’s Guide to Ephesians 5

Posted on by Bob Richley
Man cooking at the stove while a woman sits at a kitchen table

Four Weddings

I married my wife four times.

Not four different women, but four ceremonies for the same woman. My wife is from the Philippines, and bringing her to America required a fiancée visa and a legal ceremony in the States. But we also wanted a ceremony in the Philippines with her pastor and her family. My family lives in Illinois, so we had a ceremony there. And our friends in Colorado needed to celebrate with us, so we had a fourth.

On the way to our beach ceremony in Maui, the legal marriage, we missed our connecting flight. The airline let us use their hotel room. I called the pastor to reschedule. My wife didn’t panic. She didn’t get upset. She was calm.

In that moment, before we’d even said our vows on the beach, I learned something important about the woman I was marrying. She’s calm in the storm and trusts God fully no matter what happens.

But the most important ceremony happened first — in the Philippines, before her pastor and her family. We didn’t just make promises to each other. Instead of making vows and signing a contract, we signed a covenant before God. We knew that, by our own human ability, we could not make a marriage work. But God could, and would.

“What God has joined together, let no one separate.” — Matthew 19:6

We were not simply getting married and making vows. We were asking God to make our marriage successful, to keep us joined together as one.

I like to tell people that divorce is impossible in our case because we were married four times.

But the real reason we’ll stay together isn’t the number of ceremonies. It’s the covenant. Our marriage is submitted to God, and we rely on Him.

A Marriage Covenant

"What God has joined together"
Has new meaning for me.
If God brought two together,
They are one and forever will be.

If God did the choosing,
Love is a way and a certainty.
No heart will suffer from losing
From now and into eternity.

Human bonds are broken.
When vows are only spoken.
A ring becomes a mere token.
Unless the Spirit is awoken.

Human nature is poor and weak.
The Spirit is mighty and strong.
It is His will that we must always seek
If we want to belong together forever.

A covenant is more than an oath.
It is a commitment kept by God above
That binds two upon a path of growth
Clinging to each other, ever increasing in love...

Our marriage is submitted to God, and we rely on Him. That changes everything about what it means for me to love my wife and make our marriage work. I must rely on God and look to his example.

Husbands, Love Your Wives Like Christ Loves the Church

So what does it actually mean for a husband to love his wife?

Here is what I’ve learned — imperfectly and still learning — about what it actually looks like to love your wife the way Christ loved the church.

Most husbands would probably say they love their wives. I certainly would. After all, I show her affection. I tell her I love her. But is that enough?

The Bible gives us a much bigger—and much more challenging—definition of what that love should look like. It is neither a feeling nor self-serving.

Ephesians 5 doesn’t tell husbands to have affection for their wives. It tells us to love them as Christ loved the church.

Without God’s Spirit in us, that example sets an unattainable benchmark, since Christ sacrificed himself for the church. Do we sacrifice for our wives? Do we give our life, our time, and our resources for our family, or do we demand our own ways to please ourselves?

Paul writes:

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” — Ephesians 5:25

That is an incredibly high standard. Gave himself means he gave up his power and humbled himself even to death on a cross. Wow. That’s an impossible benchmark to reach as a mere human.

Jesus didn’t love us because we deserved it. He didn’t love us because we always treated Him well. Nor did he love us because we made His life easy.

He gave Himself for us.

So when Paul tells husbands to love their wives like Christ loved the church, he is calling us to something much deeper than saying “I love you” or bringing home flowers occasionally.

He is calling us to self-sacrificial love.

I am still learning what that looks like.

Here are practical ways we can begin to live it out.

1. Give Yourself Up for Her

Paul’s command begins with these words:

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” — Ephesians 5:25

Jesus sacrificed Himself for us.

He gave up His rights and put our needs ahead of His own comfort. He came to serve rather than to be served. “Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being.” Philippians 2:5-7

That is the opposite of selfishness. Selfishness is one of the greatest enemies of marriage. It’s not our way or our wives’ way. It’s God’s way. We give up our desires for our wives and ultimately for God.

As husbands, we can easily think:

  • What do I want?
  • When do I want it?
  • Why doesn’t she do things the way I would? (I’m guilty of this one.)
  • Why doesn’t she understand what I need?

But Christ calls us to ask a different question:

What does my wife need from me?

Ephesians 5:21 says:

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

And Jesus explained servant leadership when He said:

“Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant.” Matthew 20:25-27

Then He pointed to Himself as the example. He did not come to be served but to serve and to give His life. Just before He died, He washed His disciples’ dirty feet. This task belonged to the lowest servant, yet the God of the universe humbled Himself to perform this most menial and unpleasant job.

When I married my wife, I washed her feet in front of everyone at our wedding in the Philippines. I wanted to commit and demonstrate the kind of husband I wanted to be.

Service is Christian leadership.

A husband isn’t supposed to use his position to boss his wife around until he gets what he wants. He is supposed to use his position to serve his wife. I know that is difficult. It is difficult for me. I want my own way; after all, I think my way is best. Without God’s help, I would be a terrible, selfish husband. I pray that God will help me to know and do his will in my marriage. When we make a decision, we always pray, “Not my way, not my wife’s way, but your way, God.”

If Jesus gave up his divine privileges to live as a man among us, we should follow his example. We, as men, need to give up what we want to do to do what is best for our family.

Leadership in a Christian home begins with sacrifice.

2. Listen to Her and Seek to Understand

One of the simplest—and sometimes hardest—ways to love our wives is to listen. Listening is not just hearing words; it is understanding the meaning, the feeling, and the purpose behind them.

First Peter 3:7 tells husbands to live with their wives “in an understanding way.”

Understanding requires more than hearing words. It requires listening to understand. I can hear what my wife says without actually understanding what she means. You need to feel what she feels and think what she thinks.

Sometimes my mind is already preparing a response while she is still talking. I’m thinking about why she’s wrong, explaining why I did what I did, or preparing my defense.

That’s not listening.

Real listening says:

“Help me understand what you’re saying.”

Sometimes that means repeating what you think you heard:

“So what I’m hearing you say is…”

Then let her correct you. Maybe you understood. Maybe you didn’t. The goal, however, isn’t to win the argument. The goal is to understand the person you love.

Your wife isn’t an obstacle standing between you and what you want. She is the woman God gave you to love. Listen to her.

I’ve had to learn to listen to my wife. We are from different countries with different cultures and languages. Her primary language is not English. I can easily misunderstand her simply because she uses the wrong English word. I have to stop and ask what she means. Sometimes it is difficult for her to explain what she means, and it can be frustrating for both her and me. It is not an easy road, and one we are still traveling. I am not perfect in understanding her, but I try to make progress.

3. Honor Her

Peter also tells husbands to show honor to their wives. Honor isn’t merely something we feel. It is something we demonstrate. One simple way to do that is with our words.

  • Compliment your wife in front of other people.
  • Tell your children what you appreciate about their mother.
  • Tell your friends what you admire about her.
  • And tell her privately, too.
  • Don’t assume she knows.
  • Tell her.
  • Write her a note.
  • Send her a message.
  • Put a note somewhere she’ll find it.

You don’t have to write a poem. You don’t need an elaborate date night. Sometimes a few sincere words can communicate something important:

“I see what you do.”

“I appreciate you.”

“You’re beautiful.”

“I’m thankful for you.”

Honor her with your words because words have power.

I’ve had the habit of leaving my wife a love note every weekday morning. (I’ve missed some. I’m not perfectly consistent.) She appreciates those notes. I often say things I’ve said before. It doesn’t matter. She needs to read them again. More importantly, I need to show her that I believe the words through my actions. If I notice she’s overworked, tired, and burnt out, it means nothing to notice if I don’t do something to help. If I tell her she’s the most beautiful woman, but she sees me looking admiringly at another, she’s not going to believe the words.

Tell her and show her.

4. Read the Word Together

Ephesians 5:26 speaks of Christ cleansing the church “by the washing with water through the word.”

The Word of God should be central to our marriages. This doesn’t mean a husband needs to become a Bible scholar before he can lead his family spiritually.

Start simple.

  • Read the Bible together.
  • Pray together.
  • Talk about what you are learning.

In our family, we have found value in having different but set times for God’s Word. My wife and I each spend time reading Scripture privately. We also read the Bible together. And we read the Word and do devotions with our children. I wrote a blog about how we are intentional about a few things, especially devotion time. The important thing isn’t creating the perfect devotional routine. The important thing is making God’s Word part of the life of your marriage and family.

A husband shouldn’t simply tell his family what God says.

He should be listening to God himself.

5. Take Care of Her Needs

Paul continues:

“In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” — Ephesians 5:28

Then he says:

“No one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body.”

Think about that.

We naturally take care of ourselves.

  • When we’re hungry, we eat.
  • When we’re tired, we rest.
  • When we’re cold, we find warmth.
  • When something hurts, we do something about it.

Paul says husbands should care for their wives in the same way.

That means we need to know our wives. This requires us to pay attention and see her struggles. Know when she’s tired and frustrated and do something about it. Ask questions in your own way, or ask her directly.

  • What does she need?
  • What makes her life more difficult?
  • What would make her day easier?
  • Where can I help?

Sometimes loving your wife means doing something she normally does.

Don’t think:

“That’s her job.”

Think:

“How can I serve her?”

For example, I wash the dishes. I’ll hang up towels when they aren’t where they’re supposed to be. Those things may seem insignificant, but love is often demonstrated through insignificant things.

Go the extra mile. Don’t wait for your wife to ask. Look for opportunities to serve her.

6. Provide for Her

Paul says that we should “feed and care” for our bodies. Providing for our families is part of caring for them.

Work matters. Paul emphasizes this in 2 Thessalonians 3:9-11. Providing financially matters, but provision is more than simply bringing home a paycheck.

A husband should be willing to sacrifice his own wants for his family’s needs.

  • Sometimes that means buying something for your wife instead of buying something for yourself.
  • Sometimes it means working harder.
  • Sometimes it means giving up something you want because your family needs something more.

The question isn’t:

“Can I afford what I want?”

It is:

“How can I faithfully care for the people God has entrusted to me?”

We budget. Since our marriage, we’ve followed Dave Ramsey‘s budgeting plan. We operate on a cash basis and save money. We invest. We’ve paid off our mortgage early and have no debt.

Providing for your family means being wise concerning your finances.

7. Care About Her Sexual Needs and Desires

Marriage includes physical intimacy. Paul’s teaching about the husband and wife becoming “one flesh” reminds us that sex isn’t an insignificant part of marriage. It is part of the intimacy God designed for husband and wife.

But even here, the husband’s attitude should be one of selflessness rather than selfishness. Don’t think only about what you want. Consider what your wife wants. Consider what makes her feel loved and desired.

And remember that affection doesn’t always have to lead to sex.

  • Kiss her simply because you love her.
  • Hold her hand.
  • Put your arm around her.
  • Touch her affectionately without expecting something in return.

A wife should be able to receive affection from her husband without wondering whether there is an ulterior motive.

Physical intimacy should communicate love, not merely satisfy a husband’s desires.

8. Love Her as You Love Yourself

Paul brings the command back to the same basic principle:

“Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself.” — Ephesians 5:33

  • We are very good at taking care of ourselves.
  • We know what we want.
  • We know what we like.
  • We know when we’re tired.
  • We know when we’re hungry.
  • We know what makes us happy.

What if we worked just as hard at learning those things about our wives?

  • Learn her needs.
  • Learn her wants.
  • Learn what encourages her.
  • Learn what hurts her.
  • Learn what makes her feel loved.

Philippians 2:3 gives us an important principle:

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”

That doesn’t mean neglecting yourself. It means refusing to make yourself the center of the marriage.

And there is another important part of this.

Earn her respect. Don’t demand it.

If you want your wife to respect you, become a man worthy of respect.

  • Be faithful.
  • Do the right thing when nobody is watching.
  • Keep your promises.
  • Admit when you’re wrong.
  • And when you hurt your wife, confess it.
  • James 5:16 says:

“Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.”

When you’ve hurt your wife, she is hurting.

  • Don’t defend yourself.
  • Don’t explain away what you did.
  • Don’t say, “I’m sorry, but…”

Admit what you did.

“I was wrong.”

“I hurt you.”

“Please forgive me.”

Confession doesn’t make you weak. It is one of the ways God brings healing.

9. Pray Together

Husbands, pray for your wives.

  • Pray with your wives.
  • Pray for your children.
  • Pray for your marriage.

Paul tells us:

“Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.” — Colossians 4:2

When you disagree with your wife, pray. This can be difficult. When we’re angry, we often want to prove that we’re right. We want our wife to see things from our perspective. What if instead of fighting to get our way, we stopped and prayed? What if we both sought God’s way?

Marriage is about becoming one.

Ephesians 5:31 says:

“The two will become one flesh.”

Jesus prayed for His followers to experience this kind of unity:

“I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one.” — John 17:21

Prayer can help us pursue that oneness. Prayer isn’t only about talking. We should also listen. I try to do an ancient practice called Lectio Divina. It is listening to God through the reading of Scripture. You listen for a word or phrase that God is speaking through the verses being read. After hearing the word or phrase, you meditate on its meaning, think about it, and then respond with prayer.

Jeremiah 33:3 says:

“Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.”

Jesus said:

“My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.” — John 10:27

When you pray with your wife, don’t just tell God what you want.

Listen.

  • Ask God what He wants.
  • Ask Him what He wants you to change.
  • Ask Him how you can love your wife better.

And then be willing to obey.

10. Step Up. Lead.

This is your responsibility, men. Lead your family, but understand what biblical leadership actually means.

First Corinthians 11:3 says:

“The head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.”

Notice something important.

You are not at the top.

Christ is your head. You submit to Him. You listen for his leading, his voice, and you lead your family the way He wants. If you are the head of your household, then you first submit yourself to Christ.

  • You listen to Him.
  • You obey Him.
  • You seek His will.

And then you lead your family according to what God wants—not according to what you want.

Ephesians 5:23 says:

“For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.”

Look at the example we’re given.

Christ is the head of the church, but what does Christ do with His authority?

He sacrifices Himself for the church.

  • He serves.
  • He loves.
  • He protects.
  • He provides.
  • He cares.
  • He gives Himself.

That is the kind of leadership husbands are called to provide.

Biblical leadership isn’t:

“I’m the man, so you have to do what I say.”

It is:

“God has given me responsibility for this family so that I will serve them faithfully.”

Love Like Jesus

When I look at Ephesians 5, I realize that loving my wife like Christ loves the church is far more challenging than simply saying, “I love you.”

  • It means sacrifice.
  • It means listening.
  • It means honor.
  • It means serving.
  • It means providing.
  • It means caring about her needs.
  • It means physical affection and intimacy.
  • It means confession when I am wrong.
  • It means prayer.
  • It means leadership.

And underneath all of it is one simple principle:

Stop making yourself the center.

Jesus didn’t come to be served.

  • He came to serve.
  • He didn’t hold onto His rights.
  • He gave Himself.

That is the example husbands are given.

So husbands, love your wives.

  • Not merely when they’re easy to love.
  • Not merely when they agree with you.
  • Not merely when they meet your needs.

Love them because Christ loved you.

  • Give yourself to her.
  • Listen to her.
  • Honor her.
  • Care for her.
  • Pray for her.
  • Serve her.
  • Lead her toward Christ.

And when you fail—and you will—humble yourself, confess it, ask for forgiveness, and keep growing. You don’t need to become a perfect husband, but you do need to become a husband who is continually becoming more like Christ. The ultimate goal isn’t simply to have a good marriage; it is to have a marriage that points people toward Jesus.

I failed this week. We wanted to spend time with family, but couldn’t agree on what to do. As a result, tears were shed, and what could have been hours together ended up being only 10 minutes playing a game. As husband and father, I fell short in leading, and we lost precious family time. This was not the time to blame my wife or daughters, even if they had faults. This was my time to own what I did and be sorry for it.

Application

How are you loving your wife?

How did you serve her today?

Did you pray with your wife, by yourself, and with your family? When you prayed, did you listen?

If you did something wrong or hurt your wife, did you confess and apologize?

Let’s be the leaders God has called us to be. Love and serve your wife and family. Be the greatest servant of all. Listen to God, submit to Him, and lead your family under His direction.

The Anniversary of Charlie Kirk’s Death:The Aftermath Was Amazing

Posted on by Bob Richley
Open Bible and candle inside a historic church with stained-glass windows representing Charlie Kirk's Memorial

Today is the anniversary of Charlie Kirk’s death.

At exactly 12:23 p.m. Mountain Time on September 10, 2025, a bullet struck Charlie Kirk in the neck while he was speaking to students at Utah Valley University. Within moments, a husband, a father, and a young man who had devoted his life to his convictions was gone.

I remember when it happened.

I had seen a few videos of Charlie Kirk before his death. Like many people, I learned much more about him afterward. The media exploded with coverage. Social media filled with videos, photographs, memories, arguments, accusations, prayers, and opinions. And, as so often happens, division followed.

Some people cheered, and some people cried. Some celebrated his death, while others mourned as though they had lost someone they personally knew. But what saddened me the most, what broke my heart, was not the political loss. It was the human loss.

  • Two little children lost their dad.
  • A wife lost her husband.
  • Parents lost their son.
  • Friends lost someone they loved.

And, in my own heart, I believe a nation lost a saint.

I know that word can make people uncomfortable. Saints, after all, are not perfect people. They are people who belong to God. People who stumble, speak imperfectly, make mistakes, and yet choose to live for something greater than themselves.

That is how I have come to think about Charlie. Not as a perfect man. Not as a political symbol. But as a husband, a father, a believer, and a man who left this world far too soon.

And then something unexpected happened.

The story did not end at 12:23 p.m.

In some ways, that is where another story began.

The aftermath was amazing.

What followed was grief, yes—but also an extraordinary outpouring of faith, courage, love, and determination.

And that is the story I want to remember today.

His Kids

Charlie and Erika had two young children, a daughter born in 2022 and a son born in 2024. We don’t know much about the children, and I think there is a reason for that. Their family made a deliberate effort to keep them out of public view, and I respect that.

They were very young when the shooter killed their father. They deserved the chance to grieve without becoming public property.

We do know that they are now four and two years old. We also know that they are among the few people who have the privilege of using their father’s desk. There is something about that image that stays with me—a little child sitting where their father once sat, surrounded by the work he left behind.

We don’t know all the details of how the children were cared for in those first terrible days, and we shouldn’t pretend that we do. Their family has rightly protected that information. We do know that Erika was surrounded by family, friends, Turning Point USA staff, security personnel, and people who stepped in to help carry the enormous burden suddenly placed upon her.

We also know that Second Lady Usha Vance offered Erika something that no security detail or organization could provide: a word of comfort from one mother to another.

A year later, Erika has spoken about the advice Usha gave her after Charlie’s death. Erika told Usha, “I don’t know how I’m going to do this.”

Usha gave her an analogy about being on an airplane with children. When there are only fifteen minutes left before landing, the children may be screaming, throwing things, and completely out of control. But you don’t have to figure out the rest of your life. You only have to get through those next fifteen minutes.

Then the next fifteen minutes.

Erika has carried those words with her.

“15 minutes at a time.”

There is wisdom in that for anyone who has ever grieved. Sometimes the next fifteen minutes are all we can handle. And sometimes God gives us grace for those fifteen minutes, and then gives us grace for the next ones.

A year later, Erika has described grief as something that still comes in waves, particularly around birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries. Yet she continues to move forward.

And then there was the aftermath.

It was amazing.

The people came

On September 21, 2025, ten days after Charlie Kirk was murdered at Utah Valley University, thousands upon thousands of people gathered at State Farm Stadium in Glendale, Arizona, for his memorial.

The final estimates were roughly 90,000 to 100,000 people. About 70,000 filled the stadium itself, with additional people watching from the nearby Desert Diamond Arena and other overflow areas.

Think about that.

Nearly one hundred thousand people showed up to mourn a husband, a father, and a young man who had spent his life talking to young Americans about faith, freedom, and the direction of their country.

The memorial was not simply a political event. It was filled with prayer, preaching, Scripture and Christian music.

It felt to many people like a funeral, a worship service and a revival meeting all at once.

And people watched.

Fox News alone averaged 5.2 million viewers during its live coverage of the memorial, peaking at 6.6 million during Erika’s remarks. Its YouTube livestream accumulated approximately 2.6 million views.

Turning Point’s Andrew Kolvet said the production and streaming partners counted more than 100 million overall streams of the memorial. That is an extraordinary number. To clarify, the organization and its production partners reported this figure, not an independently audited count of 100 million individual people.

And then something else happened.

Young people didn’t walk away

They stepped forward.

Within days of Charlie’s death, Turning Point USA began receiving an extraordinary number of inquiries from people who wanted to become involved.

On September 15, Andrew Kolvet reported that TPUSA had received more than 37,000 inquiries from people wanting to get involved and start chapters.

By the time of the memorial, the number had climbed dramatically.

Before the memorial, TPUSA said it had approximately 60,000 inquiries. After the memorial, it received more than 120,000 inquiries from people interested in starting new high school and college chapters.

A year later, TPUSA reports that its college chapters have grown by 64 percent and its high-school clubs by approximately 180 percent since Charlie’s death. The Washington Post has independently reported similar growth, putting the increase at about 64 percent for college chapters and 168 percent for high-school chapters when comparing the most recent school year with the previous one.

The Times has also reported that Turning Point has gained roughly one million donors during the past year.

Whatever one thinks of Turning Point USA’s politics, those numbers tell us something important:

Charlie Kirk’s death did not cause the organization he built to disappear.

It caused many people to ask, What can I do?

And then people opened their Bibles

This may be the statistic that amazes me most.

In September 2025, Americans bought approximately 2.4 million Bibles.

That was part of a broader increase in Bible sales, which were already rising before Charlie’s death. Circana data show that Bible sales in September were substantially up from the previous year, and that more than 18 million Bibles had been sold in the United States by the end of the first nine months of 2025.

So I want to be careful here.

We cannot prove that every Bible purchased was purchased because of Charlie Kirk.

We shouldn’t pretend we can.

But we can say this:

In the very month that America watched a young Christian husband and father murdered in public, Americans bought 2.4 million Bibles—the highest monthly total of the year.

There were also reports from churches around the country of increased attendance and young people returning to worship. Those individual reports are meaningful, but there is not a reliable national statistic showing exactly how many people “went back to church because of Charlie Kirk.”

I don’t want to manufacture a revival statistic where one doesn’t exist, but I also don’t want to ignore what happened.

  • People prayed.
  • People gathered.
  • People sang.
  • People opened Bibles.
  • People talked about Jesus.
  • And Christian worship was at the center of Charlie’s memorial.

Charlie’s books came back to life

His books surged after his death as well.

Within days, several of Charlie’s books had climbed into Amazon’s top ten.

The College Scam, Right Wing Revolution, and Time for a Turning Point all rose dramatically. At the same time, his forthcoming book, Stop, in the Name of God, climbed near the very top of the Amazon rankings even before its December release.

Later, Stop, in the Name of God became an Amazon No. 1 bestseller. Its publisher initially printed 200,000 copies and had to reorder because of demand; the publisher reported more than 60,000 Amazon copies sold on the first day of release.

I haven’t found a reliable number for how many Charlie Kirk books were purchased specifically because of his death, so that I won’t make one up. The bestseller lists tell the story well enough.

People were looking for his words.

And people sang

There isn’t a reliable national count of songs written or performed in Charlie’s memory. I wish there were, because it would be another fascinating measure of what happened.

But there were many.

Tom MacDonald’s tribute song “CHARLIE” quickly reached No. 1 on the U.S. iTunes chart and drew millions of views online.

My favorite was by The Preacher Man.

And the memorial itself was filled with music and worship. Christian artists performed. Ministers preached. Friends spoke. Political leaders spoke. Erika spoke.

The event repeatedly returned to the same subjects that had been central to Charlie’s life:

  • Faith.
  • Family.
  • Forgiveness.
  • Jesus Christ.
  • And the future.

Perhaps the greatest tribute was Erika’s forgiveness

For me, one of the most powerful moments came when Erika stood before nearly 100,000 people and said that she forgave the man accused of killing her husband.

  • She didn’t say that Charlie’s life didn’t matter.
  • She didn’t say that justice didn’t matter.
  • She said that forgiveness mattered because of Christ.

That is a very different thing. She stood in front of an enormous crowd carrying an unimaginable grief, and she chose to speak about forgiveness.

I have thought about that many times since.

  • What does a person do when the worst thing imaginable happens?
  • What does a Christian do?
  • Where does faith go when the person you love most is suddenly gone?

I don’t have all the answers, but I believe Charlie would have pointed people toward Christ.

And I believe Erika has tried to do the same.

What happened to the children?

This is the part of the story where I think we should be quiet. There are many things we could speculate about.

  • Who stayed with the children.
  • Who watched them.
  • Who helped with meals and bedtime.
  • Who helped Erika when she couldn’t think clearly.
  • Who provided security.
  • Who helped with the enormous practical responsibilities that suddenly fell upon a young widow.

But the family has not made all of that public, and I don’t think we have a right to demand it. What we do know is that the children were protected. Their privacy was protected. People surrounded their mother. And their father’s work was surrounded by people who refused to let the organization he built collapse. That is enough for me.

One year later, those children are still very young.

  • They don’t need to know about polls or chapter counts or donor numbers.
  • They need their mother.
  • They need their family.
  • They need people who love them.
  • They need the freedom to remember their father as Dad, not as a political symbol.

Perhaps someday they will understand what happened, and perhaps someday they will understand what their father built.

For now, I hope they get to sit at his desk. I hope they hear stories about him laughing. I hope someone tells them how much he loved them. And I hope they know that their father was loved by many other people too.

What does one life leave behind?

That is the question I keep coming back to today.

One year ago, Charlie Kirk was alive.

Today he isn’t, but

  • His wife is still standing.
  • His children are growing.
  • His organization is larger.
  • People are reading his books.
  • His podcast continues.
  • People are still gathering.
  • Young people are still joining.
  • People were purchasing Bibles in extraordinary numbers
  • Christians were praying.
  • People were singing.

And thousands upon thousands of people have continued to say, in one way or another: We are not going to forget.

Maybe that is what an aftermath looks like when a life has mattered. Death is supposed to end a life. It does not always end a mission. And for a Christian, death does not have the last word.

Knowing the Price Love Had to Pay

As I was reflecting on Charlie Kirk’s death, I found this poem I had written a long time ago.

Since Charlie’s faith was so central to his life, I thought it appropriate to share it here.

Knowing The Price Love Had To Pay

On a hillside called Calvary
Hung the King of the galaxy,
Raised in garden-walled gallery,
Fruit filled branch; the root of Jesse,
A shepherd of sheep gone astray.
For the sin filled earth below
Where up and down the people go
To wherever the breezes blow
This was the price love had to pay.

Faces white, angels quiver,
Icy breezes quake and shiver,
Through the night that runs forever
Flows Jesus' blood like a river,
Flowing downward for love's display.
Criminals hung on either side
Overlook the place where we abide.
With silent tears His Father cried.
This was the price love had to pay.

His hands and feet were tightly nailed.
By the garden, women wailed.
The King of Kings last breath exhaled.
In eyes of men, the King had failed.
Like sheep His friends scattered away,
But who had known what God had planned;
The cost His justice would demand?
What love we failed to understand!
This was the price love had to pay.

Woman waking, coming early
Did see a light shining brightly
And heard songs that echo cheerly
From the angel speaking clearly;
A hope for sheep who went astray
To the wicked with burdens weary;
A light of hope to the dreary;
Joy for the burdened and teary;
This was the price love had to pay.

Alive He waits by night and day
For all under the dragon's sway.
He calls to those who've gone astray.
The curse is lifted when we pray
To Him who died; our debt to pay.
He longs to set the captives free
And so He stands by steadily
For those who come on bended knee
Knowing the price love had to pay.

Now we see through mirror unclear
That hangs before us all the year.
Shadows of the world appear.
In us He abides always near
Reaching down to those far away.
From Him the water of life flows.
Our sins and waywardness He knows.
To the broken, mercy He shows
Knowing the price love had to pay.

Sometimes life is sweet and hearts glad;
A painted rose on empty pad;
A love struck lass with handsome lad;
A young flower in crimson clad;
Full contentment of love's display
And sometimes through nights dark and blue
The troubles come riding two and two.
The King remains loyal and true
Knowing the price love had to pay.

In His love we will still delight
As He weaves His plans for the night;
For often through the silent frights
At funerals with tears and fights
Content to have our love's display.
Even when death hangs overhead
And days are filled will fears and dread
Our faith hangs on by just a thread
Knowing the price love had to pay.

We cry to Him in darkest grief
When we find no other relief.
Hope comes dazzling in our belief
And flamed upon the brazen Chief
To those who have gone far astray.
We come to the cross bent and kneeled;
To the King and His shield.
We come with nothing and we yield
Knowing the price love had to pay.

And perhaps that is where I want to leave this today.

  • Not with politics.
  • Not with numbers.
  • Not even with Charlie Kirk.
  • But with Christ.

Because Charlie’s life pointed toward a truth that Christians have believed for two thousand years:

  • The grave is not the end.
  • Love is stronger than death.
  • Forgiveness is stronger than hatred.
  • And the price love had to pay was paid at Calvary.

One year later, I still grieve for the wife who lost her husband. I grieve for the two children who lost their dad. And I grieve for a country that lost a young man who believed deeply in what he was doing.

But I also look at what happened afterward.

The aftermath was amazing:

  • People came.
  • People prayed.
  • People sang.
  • People opened Bibles.
  • Young people stepped forward.
  • A widow stood.
  • People protected the children.
  • And a message of faith continued to spread.

Perhaps that is what happens when a life is placed in God’s hands.

We never really know where the seeds will fall.

We only know that sometimes, after the storm, something begins to grow.

Beyond the Trial and Tragedy: Grieving Three Children, A Father and A Mother in an Angry America

Posted on by Bob Richley
Cora, Callan, and Dawson Clancy in 2023

Weeping

On January 24, 2023 an unthinkable tragedy happened. A five year old girl, a three year old boy and a eight month old baby boy were strangled to death. Stop. Think about that for a moment. Three innocent children died. Consider this: Who is the most important person in a child’s life, the one they run to for help when hurting, scared or in need? Who? Mommy, Mama, Mom, Ma, Mother.

The person kids need the most in their early years, the person they trust to nurture, to care, to feed, to help, to comfort is their mother. Yet, this person whom a child trusts more than any other is the very person who took life from them, not in a quick, easy way, but slowly choking the breath from them. The very breath of life left these three children, taken by the one who had brought them into this world, whom they loved, trusted, and admired more than any other person in the world.

I love children. I’ve volunteered for decades, helping, teaching, and playing with children. Now I’m a father of two wonderful girls. Since they were babies, I’ve cared for them, held them in my arms, read to them, played with them, fed them, and protected them. I cannot imagine ever being deprived of them. I would do anything, including sacrificing my own life, to protect my kids.

Nothing grieves me more, nothing breaks my heart more, nothing is more tragic than children dying, than children being harmed. I cannot comprehend how anyone could purposely harm and murder a child. It is incomprehensiable to me.

Media

I’ve seen bits and pieces of the news, the social media posts, and read arguments. This country is mad with protests. People are fighting over a trial. I cannot comprehend the focus of the news and posts. Three children died. Three children were murdered. Three beautiful, innocent children left this world. Yet people are fighting. Where is the grief, the lament, the sadness, the hurt? That is what I feel about this tragedy. I feel a deep sense of sadness. My eyes are full of tears as I write this. Three children died. I weep.

Is anyone else weeping?

A Father’s Loss

I’m a dad. I love my kids. That doesn’t just mean I feel a sense of warmth and affection. It means I would sacrifice anything for my kids. I sacrifice my time, my money, my attention, my very life for my kids. They are more precious to me than anything else in this world. I could not imagine life without my kids. Should anything happen to my children, I would be devastated.

When my nephew was eighteen months old, he stopped breathing. He was resuscitated and had to be helicoptered away to a hospital in Chicago, 60 miles from where he lived. My mom called me at work. I dropped everything and drove immediately to the hospital. My heart was breaking for my nephew, my first nephew.

             Almost

Oh precious child not even two,
How it hurt to almost lose you.
Seeing you lying on that bed,
Alive but appearing nearly dead,

Was more than we could endure,
We feared we might loose you for sure.
By your side constantly we stayed.
As we held your little hand and prayed.

"Oh Lord of heaven and earth,
From the day of this child's birth,
To us, such happiness did his life convey!
Please, don't take our little one away!"

We are so thankful you are still around.
Happiness in our lives once again abounds.
We rejoice that you are still here
And that we can again hold you near.

We are thankful that you could stay
And that the Lord didn't take you away!

My cousin had an eighteen month old baby boy. His babysitter did something you never ever do to a baby. She shook him. My cousin’s baby boy, Shawn, died. I was devastated. Though I had only met Shawn once, I held him in my arms with only warmth and love in my heart. His death was painful.

A somber image of small empty children's shoes evoking loss and grief
To Shawn

When a child dies,
It seems the world cries.
Sweet innocence this day
Has been taken away.
All souls are filled with sorrow,
Making it hard to go on to tomorrow.
Everyone feels such sadness,
Wondering why this horrible madness.

What makes this day even worse
Is that this painful curse
By such violence came to be.
It's hard to grasp such absurdity.
When a little baby dies,
It seems the world cries.
Sweet innocence this day
Has been taken away.

Shawn’s baby sitter, in a fit of rage, shook and threw him when he was 18 months old. He died a week later on Feb 24th 1994.

On January 24, 2023 a father lost three children. I feel his pain. I would be devastated beyond comprehension.

Does anyone grieve for the Daddy?

The Mommy

This mother tried to commit suicide. She was in such pain that she thought it better not to live than live with her pain. She was afraid to raise her kids and thought it better they should not live than be raised wrong. You can debate her sanity. For myself, I don’t understand how a mother could do such a thing to her kids and herself. I grieve.

My dearest friend committed suicide in my house. He had not properly grieved the loss of his own mother. He was delusional and paranoid. I had gotten him to agree to go to a day program where he could receive counseling, but then he wrecked his car. While in the hospital, doctors convinced him to get psychological treatment and admit himself. He left with a plan which included living with me in my spare room and attending the day program.

I went to work. A mutual friend checked on him and found him unconscious. He had taken all his prescription pills. An ambulance took him to the hospital and doctors pronounced him dead on arrival.

That was over twenty years ago. Still, I can’t understand why my friend was in so much pain that he would end his own life.

When I was in the midst of fighting for my friends life, I wrote this:

Depression

A lone figure by a rain-streaked window conveying isolation and depression
I don't know what to do for you.
I'm at a loss.
I've paid the cost.
I've tried and tried.
I think a little of us has died.
I don't know what to do for you.

I made my body a wall
To stop you
From harming you.
I've tried and I tried
And then you nearly died.
I don't know what to do for you.

Help me. Show me how to help you.
I'm at a loss
You're the boss.
I've tried and I tried.
I've fought and I've cried.
I don't know what to do for you.

After he committed suicide, I wrote this:

The Suicide of a Friend

A single candle and wilted flower evoking grief and remembrance


Three long weeks we fought
for your life.
Three long weeks we sought
to be your savior.

But you were beyond
our power.
You were too far gone
to be saved.

The person you once were
Was already gone.
The person we wanted to cure
Had already died.

We are all deeply hurt
By what was done.
Our souls are in a desert
Asking "why this?"

Still we know in our hearts
This was not you,
Who chose this life to depart
It was someone else.

The man we loved so deep
Had left us
Long before eternal sleep
Laid you to rest.

We will remember the man
Who helped so many.
We will remember the man
Who loved so freely.

We will remember the man
Who bound us together.
We will remember the man
Who unites us now.

We will not say
"Good-bye, dear friend"
But rather "until we meet again,
One sweet day."

I don’t undestand why my friend ended his own life. I grieve. Why a mother would kill her own children? I don’t understand . I grieve. Why she would try to commit suicide? I fail understand I grieve.

Fighting

Our country is so divided. We were the greatest country in the world. We were the UNITED States of America.

The Civil War and Reconstruction transformed the nation by physically restoring the Union and legally redefining it around freedom and equality. Although we were divided over slavery, the war and its aftermath created a new sense of unity. Before the American Civil War, people often said, “The United States are…” treating the nation as a collection of individual states. After the war, the phrasing shifted to “The United States is…” signaling a new sense of a single, indivisible nation. This unity was complex: while the 13th Amendment ended slavery and preserved the Union, it also brought a stronger federal government and a consolidated national identity.

Admittedly, it wasn’t easy. The time also ushered in decades of intense political, social, and racial struggles during the Reconstruction era as the nation figured out how to actually live out that unity.

I fear that is all ending. We seem more divided than ever perhaps toward a new cival war. This trial is a further demonstration of the disunity. It seems no one is listening. We have brief social media posts on both sides. People comment without knowledge. We are operating from our own paradigms. Instead of researching the truth, we respond. We don’t think. Instead, we let the media tell us how to think. We already have our preconceived notions of what is right and respond accordingly.

The Other Side

For convictions, we fight
so confident we are right.
Anger and aggression
without pausing to question
the pretexts of our certitude.
Rigid in our attitude.

It’s time we look inside
rather than trying to hide.
The fault and failure lie within
over our own self-centered sin.
Cease blaming others and God!
Let go of the deceptive facade!

Examine and evaluate,
consider convictions to abdicate.
Seek first to comprehend
what enemies apprehend.
Replace anger and apprehension
with charity and comprehension.

It breaks my heart that when children die, we don’t pause as a nation to grieve the loss. Instead, we fight.

We mask the pain by blaming:

  • We blame the mother.
  • We blame the father.
  • We blame the medical profession.
  • We blame the justice system.
  • We do anything to avoid looking at our own hearts.

Are our consciences so seared that we would rather fight than grieve the loss? What is wrong with us? What is wrong with our nation? We should have stopped, lowered our flags, declared a day of mourning and fasting. We should bend our knees to our creator and beg for forgiveness, that our country would be so far away from our God-given purpose, that a mother would kill her babies.

Conflict

In a world of deceit and lies,
We rage in fiery fury.
With no time we hurry,
Never pondering, lest we revise

Our venerated held convictions.
With itching ears we hear,
Only what we hold as dear
Though they are mere fictions.

Halt the conflict we create!
Understand the other point of view!
Examine what you think is true!
Seek to love over hate!

A cracked earth landscape symbolizing division and conflict

When will we weep over our country? When will we look inside and ultimately repent of the evil within our own hearts?

I grieve for our country and I pray. Will you join me or will you continue to strive and fight further dividing out nation?

Lessons from Kirk, Spock Friendship

Posted on by Bob Richley
Captain Kirk and Spock sitting beside a campfire under a star-filled sky

True Friendship: Lessons from Sci-Fi TV

God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18).

Up to this point in the creation account, everything God had made was described as “good.” The light was good. The land and seas were good. The plants and trees were good. The sun, moon, and stars were good. The animals were good.

Then God looked at the man He had created and said, “It is not good that the man should be alone.”

Adam was not alone in the sense that God had abandoned him. God was with him. Adam had work to do. He had a beautiful creation to explore and care for. Yet something was still missing.

God created us for relationship.

We need companionship and friendship. We need people who know us, encourage us, challenge us, help us, and sometimes even tell us when we are making a mistake.

The Bible gives us many examples of friendship. One of the most remarkable friendships is that between David and Jonathan.

Jonathan loved David “as he loved his own soul” (1 Samuel 18:1). Their friendship was valuable to both men. Jonathan was willing to protect David even when doing so put him at odds with his own father, King Saul.

Jonathan also had something very significant to lose. As Saul’s son, Jonathan would have been expected to become king after his father. Yet Jonathan did not allow his position, ambition, or inheritance to stand in the way of his friendship with David. He recognized what God was doing and chose loyalty over personal advancement.

True friendship is valuable.

It is also rare.

I’ve written many times about how we can learn from the things we read and watch. Stories are fictional, but the truths they illustrate can sometimes be very real.

In this blog, I want to look at a fictional friendship from a television show I started watching as a child and continue to watch as an adult in my 60s.

That show is Star Trek.

A Friendship That Has Lasted Generations

Star Trek premiered in 1966, the year I was born.

Sixty years ago on September 8, 1966, viewers first heard those now-famous words:

“Space: The final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before.”

The show introduced us to Captain James T. Kirk, Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy, and Mr. Spock, among many other memorable characters.

Captain Kirk and the Vulcan Spock were an unlikely pair of friends.

Their friendship provides some interesting illustrations of what biblical friendship can look like.

Friends Have Strengths and Weaknesses That Complement Each Other

The friendship between Captain James T. Kirk and Mr. Spock was one of the enduring aspects of Star Trek: The Original Series and the first six Star Trek films.

The characters Kirk and Spock were very different. Kirk was emotional, instinctive, adventurous, and willing to take risks. Spock was logical, analytical, disciplined, and committed to reason. Kirk often trusted his instincts, his “gut.” He was willing to take chances and sometimes acted before all the facts were available. Spock approached problems differently. His Vulcan training emphasized logic, reason, and emotional control. He would examine the facts, calculate the probabilities, and point out the consequences of a proposed course of action.

One might think those differences would constantly drive them apart. They could have spent their careers frustrating one another or worse been enemies. Instead, those differences often made them stronger together. They accomplished more as a team.

Kirk needed Spock’s logical perspective. Spock benefited from Kirk’s willingness to act decisively and think beyond the obvious. Their differences didn’t have to become a source of division. They became a source of strength.

That reminds me of Ecclesiastes 4:9-10:

“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow.”

We weren’t created to do everything by ourselves. A good friend can see something we don’t see.

  • A friend may recognize a danger we have overlooked.
  • A friend may have a strength where we have a weakness.
  • A friend may encourage us when we are discouraged or slow us down when we’re moving too quickly.

Sometimes the person who helps us the most isn’t the person who is most like us. It’s the person whose strengths complement our weaknesses. That is one reason we should be careful about choosing friends only because they agree with everything we say. A friend who always agrees with us may make us feel good, but a faithful friend will sometimes challenge us.

Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.”

Good friends don’t simply make us comfortable. They help make us better.

Friends Know Each Other

One of the interesting things about a genuine friendship is that friends learn to recognize one another.

  • They know our personalities.
  • They know our habits.
  • They know what makes us laugh and what makes us angry.
  • They know what we’re likely to say and how we’re likely to respond.

Sometimes a good friend knows something is wrong before we say a word. They know us so well, they can read it our faces or hear it in the words we don’t speak.

We see an amusing example of this in the Star Trek‘s episode “What Are Little Girls Made Of?,”

Dr. Roger Korby attempts to fool Spock with an android facsimile of Kirk in The android looks like Kirk and has Kirk’s memories and personality characteristics.

But there is a problem.

Spock knows Kirk.

As Kirk’s personality was imprinted on the android, the real Kirk imagined himself insulting Spock as a “half-breed”. Kirk trusted that, upon hearing it, Spock would recognize that something was amiss

There is something powerful about being known.

Jesus spoke about friendship in John 15:15:

“Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends.”

Jesus calls His followers friends. Think about that. The God who created us doesn’t merely command us from a distance. In Christ, He brings us into relationship with Himself. Friendship involves knowing and being known. God’s desire is exactly that. He wants a relationship with us where we know Him, and he knows us, intimately.

Of course, no human friend can know us completely. Even our closest friends cannot see everything happening inside our hearts.

But God does.

Psalm 139 reminds us that God knows when we sit down and when we rise up. He knows our thoughts. He knows our words before we speak them.

Human friendship gives us a small glimpse of something wonderful: the blessing of being known and loved anyway.

Friends Sacrifice for Each Other

Perhaps the clearest test of friendship is what we’re willing to sacrifice for one another.

Kirk and Spock repeatedly put themselves in danger to save each other.

In “The Apple,” Spock pushes Kirk out of the way of poisonous thorns launched by a mysterious plant. Spock takes the attack himself and is seriously injured. The sacrifice is not merely theoretical. Spock sees his friend in danger and acts.

The most famous example comes in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. When the Enterprise needs its warp drive restored, Spock exposes himself to a lethal dose of radiation to save the ship and its crew. Kirk tries to stop him, but Spock understands what must be done. As Spock lies dying, he tells Kirk: “I have been and always shall be your friend.”

Those words resonate because they express something deeper than casual companionship. Friendship involves sacrifice.

Jesus said in John 15:13: “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”

Jesus didn’t merely teach this principle. He lived it. Jesus laid down His life for us. His sacrifice on the cross was not an illustration of friendship. It was the ultimate expression of love and the means by which He accomplished our redemption.

Our sacrifices for our friends cannot compare with Christ’s sacrifice for us. Yet His example teaches us something about how we should love others.

Sometimes laying down our lives for our friends doesn’t mean dying.

  • It means giving up our time.
  • It means listening when we’d rather be doing something else.
  • It means helping when it is inconvenient.
  • It means sharing our resources.
  • It means showing up when someone is hurting.
  • It means forgiving.
  • It means keeping a confidence.
  • It means making a phone call.
  • It means sitting beside someone who doesn’t need advice but needs someone who cares.

Sometimes loving a friend costs us something. That’s part of what makes it love.

Friends Remain Loyal

Another characteristic of a true friendship is loyalty.

David and Jonathan demonstrate this beautifully. Jonathan’s friendship with David cost him something. His father, Saul, wanted David dead. Jonathan could have protected his own position by distancing himself from David. Instead, Jonathan repeatedly warned David and helped protect him.

That kind of loyalty is increasingly difficult to find. Our culture often treats relationships as disposable. When someone disappoints us, we can simply move on. When a friendship becomes inconvenient, we can stop answering the phone, returning texts, or “unfriend” them.

Social media can give us hundreds or thousands of “friends” while leaving us with very few people who actually know us. On social media, we can paint an artificial picture of ourselves that looks great while hiding the real difficulties.

Biblical friendship is different. A true friend doesn’t disappear the first time things become difficult. Proverbs 17:17 says: “A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” Notice that it doesn’t say a friend loves when everything is going well. It says a friend loves at all times.

Adversity reveals friendship.

Anyone can celebrate with us when we’re successful. A true friend will also sit with us when we’ve failed. One of the things Job’s friends did well was to sit with him during his most difficult time. Job 2:11-13

Anyone can laugh with us when life is easy. A true friend will stand beside us when life becomes painful.

We Need Friends—and We Need to Be Friends

Genesis 2:18 reminds us that our need for companionship is not a defect. God designed us this way.We need other people. But there’s another side to that truth. If I need friendship, then someone else needs me to be a friend.

It is easy to spend our lives asking, “Who will be there for me?” Perhaps we should also ask, “Whose life has God placed me in so that I can be there for them?”

  • Who needs encouragement from you?
  • Who needs someone to listen?
  • Who needs a helping hand?
  • Who needs you to forgive them?
  • Who needs you to tell them the truth lovingly?
  • Who needs a friend?
  • Kirk needed Spock.

Spock needed Kirk and Kirk needed Spock.

David needed Jonathan. Jonathan chose to stand with David.

And we need one another.

The Greatest Friend

The best fictional friendships can point us toward something real. Kirk and Spock remind us that friends can complement one another. David and Jonathan remind us that friends can be loyal to one another. The examples of sacrifice remind us that friendship involves giving, not merely receiving.

But ultimately, our greatest example is Jesus Christ. Jesus calls His followers friends. He knows us completely, he loves us despite knowing everything about us and he doesn’t abandon us when we fail. He demonstrated His love by laying down His life for us.

There is no better friend.

So perhaps the question for us isn’t simply, “Do I have good friends?”

Perhaps the better question is:

“Am I a good friend?”

  • Are we willing to know others?
  • Are we willing to be known?
  • Are we willing to encourage?
  • Are we willing to forgive?
  • Are we willing to sacrifice?
  • Are we willing to remain faithful when friendship becomes difficult?

God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone.” He created us for relationship—with Him and with one another. So let’s treasure the friends God has given us. Let’s invest in those friendships. Let’s be the kind of friends who make one another stronger. And above all, let’s remember the Friend who said:

“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”

Jesus didn’t just tell us what true friendship looks like.

He showed us.

Swiss Family Robinson: Turning an Impossible Island Into Learning

Posted on by Bob Richley
Illustration of a tropical village with sailing ship, huts, farmers, and gardens

A story doesn’t have to be scientifically or historically perfect to be educational. Sometimes the very things that are unrealistic about a story give us opportunities to ask better questions.

The Swiss Family Robinson by Johann David Wyss is the story of a shipwrecked family that builds a new life on a remote island.

Set in the late 1700s, the story follows Robinson, his wife Elizabeth, and their four sons—Fritz, Ernest, Jack, and Franz. While traveling toward Australia, their ship is wrecked in a violent storm. The crew escapes in lifeboats and is never seen again, leaving the family stranded aboard the shattered vessel.

Fortunately, the wreck is wedged between rocks within sight of land. The family has enough time to fashion a makeshift canoe and reach the nearby island. They establish a temporary camp on the beach and make repeated trips back to the wreckage to gather supplies they will need to survive.

From there, the adventure really begins.

The family explores the island, builds a bridge across a stream, hunts for food, and eventually moves away from the hot beach to a shady grove where they construct a treehouse. They discover a small sailing vessel packed inside the ship’s hold and put it to use.

Along the way, the father teaches his sons about the plants and animals they encounter. The family works together, solves problems, gives thanks to God, and gradually creates a remarkable new life.

And there is one other remarkable thing about the island.

Almost none of it makes sense.

There Is a Problem with the Island

Could an island really contain all the plants and animals found in The Swiss Family Robinson?

Probably not.

Could a family really build and accomplish everything the Robinsons do?

That’s questionable, too.

The island described by Wyss couldn’t exist as presented.

Kangaroos, flamingos, buffalo, penguins, monkeys, and other animals from very different parts of the world somehow find themselves living together on the same tropical island. Animals that belong to completely different parts of the world appear together as though the island were a floating Noah’s Ark.

The geography doesn’t work.

The ecosystem doesn’t work.

And the engineering is exaggerated, too.

Critics have been pointing out these problems for a long time. The inaccuracies aren’t limited to natural history. Scholars have also noted problems with the book’s geography and seamanship. Captain Frederick Marryat was so bothered by what he considered the book’s implausibility that he later wrote Masterman Ready, in part as an alternative to Wyss’s version of the shipwreck adventure.

So should we throw The Swiss Family Robinson away?

I don’t think so.

In fact, I think the very things that make the story unrealistic can make it a wonderful starting point for learning.

When an Impossible Island Becomes a Classroom

Wyss was a Swiss pastor, and the story began as an educational project for his family. He wasn’t simply trying to entertain his sons with a great adventure.

He was trying to teach them.

That helps explain the remarkable variety of plants, animals, natural resources, and practical problems the Robinson family encounters.

Wyss sacrificed geographical accuracy for educational opportunity.

He created an island where his fictional family could encounter an astonishing variety of plants and animals, giving the father figure opportunities to teach his sons about nature, science, and the practical uses of the world around them.

In other words, the island isn’t really a geography lesson.

It’s a classroom disguised as an adventure story.

And that distinction matters.

What Can We Learn by Asking, “Could They Really Do That?”

When we read Swiss Family Robinson with our children, we don’t have to accept everything in the story as fact.

Instead, we can ask questions.

  • Could that really happen?
    • Then look it up.
  • Would that animal really live there?
    • Find a map.
  • Would that plant grow in that climate?
    • Research it.
  • How did they build that?
    • Try to figure it out.
  • Could we build one?
    • Now we’re doing engineering.
  • What would we need to survive?
    • Now we’re doing mathematics and science.
  • How would they preserve that food without refrigeration?
    • Now we’re talking about chemistry, biology, and practical science.
  • How would they navigate from one part of the island to another?
    • Now we’re learning geography and navigation.

The original story contains discussions involving botany, zoology, geography, agriculture, food preservation, animal husbandry, construction, tools, navigation, hunting, fishing, manufacturing, weather, astronomy, and practical problem-solving.

Literary scholar David Blamires points out that part of the book’s enduring appeal was its combination of adventure and discovery with a father’s instruction in botany, zoology, and geography.

And something else happens in the story that I find particularly valuable. The father isn’t simply a walking encyclopedia. Sometimes he knows the answer. Sometimes he has to investigate. And sometimes he admits that he doesn’t know.

That’s a wonderful lesson for parents.

We don’t have to know everything.

We can learn alongside our children.

  • The family observes.
  • They ask questions.
  • They experiment.
  • They make mistakes.
  • They investigate.
  • They learn.

And that’s a wonderful model for family reading.

The Father as Teacher

One of the most interesting aspects of The Swiss Family Robinson is the role of the father. He isn’t merely trying to keep his family alive. He’s trying to prepare his sons to live. That means teaching them practical skills, but it also means teaching them how to think.

  • When they encounter something unfamiliar, he encourages them to examine it.
  • When they face a problem, they work toward a solution.
  • When they make mistakes, there are consequences.
  • And when something goes well, the family gives thanks.

That last part is important. Wyss was a minister. He made sure to give God the glory and praise for his provision.

The book isn’t simply about survival.

It’s about how a family should live.

Wyss’s original work had a strongly didactic and religious purpose. The story emphasizes work, cooperation, self-reliance, moral responsibility, gratitude, and faith. The Robinsons aren’t simply trying to conquer the island. They are learning how to live responsibly within God’s creation. That makes the story much more than an adventure. It becomes an opportunity to talk about character.

When Books Get It Wrong—and Still Get It Right

This brings me to something I believe strongly about children’s books.

A book doesn’t have to be a textbook to teach.

Sometimes a fictional story can teach us how to think about a subject better than a textbook can. A textbook can tell a child that a particular animal lives in a particular part of the world. A story can make a child wonder why. A textbook can explain how a pulley works. A story can make a child want to build one. A textbook can describe an ecosystem. A story can make a child stop and ask, “Wait a minute. Could all those animals really live together?”

That’s where learning begins.

The book doesn’t have to provide every answer.

Sometimes its greatest value is that it gives us a question worth answering.

When we read The Swiss Family Robinson together, we can stop occasionally and say:

“I’m not sure that’s possible. Let’s find out.”

That simple sentence can change the way a child reads. Reading becomes investigation. Curiosity becomes research. A story becomes a science experiment. A fictional island becomes a geography lesson. A construction project becomes an engineering problem. And a conversation between a father and his sons becomes an opportunity to talk about faith, responsibility, courage, and character.

The book can serve as the beginning of the lesson rather than its end.

Stories Give Us Something to Talk About

This is one of the reasons I believe so strongly in reading with children. The most valuable part of a book may not be the last page. It may be the conversation that happens after you close the book.

  • “What did you think?”
  • “Would you have done that?”
  • “Was that a good decision?”
  • “Why do you think he did that?”
  • “Do you think that would really work?”
  • “What does the Bible say about that?”

Those questions turn reading into something more than entertainment. They turn it into a shared experience. And that is something children need.

  • They need opportunities to wonder.
  • They need opportunities to question.
  • They need opportunities to discover that they don’t have to accept every claim simply because they read it in a book.
  • They also need adults who are willing to sit beside them and say: “Let’s find out.”

From Swiss Family Robinson to Redeeming Rhubarb

This idea is also one of the reasons I wrote Redeeming Rhubarb.

My book is very different from The Swiss Family Robinson, but their underlying purposes are similar.

I believe stories can give families something to talk about.

The Swiss Family Robinson can lead to conversations about nature, science, geography, engineering, responsibility, work, faith, and family cooperation.

Redeeming Rhubarb can lead to conversations about prejudice, fear, forgiveness, kindness, and the choices we make when we encounter people who are different from us.

Neither book is meant to replace a textbook. Neither book is meant to replace Scripture. Instead, a story can open a door.

  • It can make a child curious.
  • It can allow a parent to ask a question.
  • It can bring an abstract idea to life in a character we have come to know.
  • And sometimes that makes a difficult subject easier to discuss.

That’s what I hope Redeeming Rhubarb does for families.

  • Not simply entertain children.
  • Not simply teach them a lesson.
  • But give parents and children something worth talking about.

Don’t Just Give a Child a Book

Maybe that’s the real lesson I take from The Swiss Family Robinson.

Don’t just give a child a book.

Read it with them.

  • Ask questions.
  • Look things up.
  • Challenge assumptions.
  • Try things.
  • Let them wonder.

Let children discover that sometimes the book gets something wrong—and that discovering the mistake can be just as educational as getting the answer right.

And when the story raises questions about character, responsibility, relationships, or faith, don’t rush past those questions either.

  • Stop.
  • Talk.
  • Listen.

Connect the story to the real world. And, when appropriate, connect it to God’s Word. Because a good book doesn’t have to contain everything a child needs to learn. Sometimes it only needs to give them the desire to learn more.

A story doesn’t have to be perfect to be valuable.

The island in The Swiss Family Robinson may be impossible. The adventures may stretch credibility. Engineering may occasionally make us shake our heads. But the questions it can inspire are very real.

And sometimes the best education begins with a child looking up from a book and asking:

“Could they really do that?”

The answer might be no.

But the learning that follows could be very real indeed.

Sources & Further Reading

The Science and History Behind The Swiss Family Robinson

Harvard Gazette — “The Swiss Family Robinson”


Harvard evolutionary biologist Hopi Hoekstra discusses the book’s enduring appeal while pointing out its biological problem: the island’s collection of animals—including flamingos, kangaroos, and buffalo—could not occur together naturally, either in the East Indies or anywhere else on Earth. She also notes the story’s emphasis on optimism, perseverance, and teamwork.

Read the Harvard Gazette article

University of California — Scholarly dissertation on The Swiss Family Robinson


This scholarly study provides particularly useful historical context. It explains that Wyss shaped the island into an educational environment, deliberately assembling an abundance of exotic plants and animals so that encounters with them could become opportunities for instruction. It also discusses Captain Frederick Marryat’s criticism of the book’s liberties with natural history.

Read the University of California study (PDF)

David Blamires — “The Swiss Family Robinson,” in Telling Tales: The Impact of Germany on English Children’s Books 1780–1918


Literary scholar David Blamires examines the book’s place in children’s literature and describes its appeal as a combination of adventure, danger, and discovery with paternal instruction in botany, zoology, and geography. He also describes the Robinson family’s island as an educational rather than geographically realistic setting.

Read the chapter through JSTOR

Cambridge University Press — Children’s Books in English


This scholarly reference provides historical context for the Robinsonade adventure tradition and notes that Captain Frederick Marryat was irritated by Johann David Wyss’s inaccuracies in natural history, geography, and seamanship. Marryat subsequently wrote Masterman Ready (1841).

Read the Cambridge University Press excerpt (PDF)

Encyclopedia of Adventure Fiction


This reference work places Swiss Family Robinson within the adventure-fiction tradition and provides useful examples of the extraordinary variety of animals and other elements found in the story. It is helpful for seeing just how far Wyss’s fictional island departs from a realistic ecosystem.

Read the Encyclopedia of Adventure Fiction (PDF)

Journal of Biogeography — Island Biogeography


For readers interested in the science behind the problem, this scientific literature explains how isolation, dispersal, colonization, competition, and extinction shape the plants and animals found on islands. It provides useful background for understanding why an isolated tropical island could not simply contain animals from widely separated parts of the world.

Read the Journal of Biogeography article

A Reader’s Perspective

iNaturalist Forum — “Does your nature knowledge spoil fiction?”
This discussion offers a more informal, reader-oriented look at the biological problems in The Swiss Family Robinson. Participants point out the story’s geographically improbable mixture of plants and animals. While this is not an authoritative scientific source, it provides an interesting example of how modern readers recognize the same tension between storytelling and natural history.

Read the iNaturalist discussion

Truth, Fiction, and Storytelling

Barbara Kingsolver — Author’s Website
Kingsolver discusses the relationship between factual accuracy and invention in fiction, including how writers use real places while exercising creative freedom. Her discussion provides useful context for thinking about the larger question of how much factual accuracy we should expect from a fictional story.

Read Barbara Kingsolver’s discussion of fact and fiction

The Original Story

Project Gutenberg — The Swiss Family Robinson
For readers who want to explore the story itself, Project Gutenberg provides a freely accessible version of the text. Reading the original makes it possible to see firsthand how frequently the family’s adventures become opportunities for the father to explain nature, science, practical skills, and other subjects to his sons.

Read The Swiss Family Robinson at Project Gutenberg

What Mr. Rogers Taught Us About Raising Good Neighbors

Posted on by Bob Richley
Illustrated autumn neighborhood with neighbors, homes, trees, and a dog

August 31, 2001, was a significant day in children’s television and a sad one in many ways. It was the final time a new episode of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood aired.

For more than thirty years, Fred Rogers invited children into his neighborhood. He changed his shoes, put on his cardigan, fed his fish, talked with children about things that mattered, and then took us to the Neighborhood of Make-Believe.

  • He talked about feelings.
  • He talked about friendship.
  • He talked about being different.
  • He talked about disappointment, fear, kindness, responsibility, and forgiveness.

He did something that seems almost strange today: He slowed down. Far different from much entertainment aimed at kids, there was no constant stream of stimulation, no need to make everything louder, faster, or more exciting. Instead, he talked quietly to children. And he treated them as though what they thought and felt mattered.

I’ve been thinking about Fred Rogers because so much of what he believed about children connects with what I’ve been writing about in these Family Values articles—especially the importance of reading and using stories to teach children how to live.

I don’t think Fred Rogers and I would have agreed on everything.

But I think we would have agreed on something important:

Children are worth our time and attention.

Mr. Rogers Took Children Seriously

Fred Rogers wasn’t originally a television celebrity.

After graduating from college in 1951, he went into television (not the military, as some falsely claimed). But he eventually returned to Pittsburgh, where he became involved with WQED and children’s programming. While working in children’s television, he also studied child development and worked closely with psychologist Margaret McFarland.

That relationship was important.

Fred didn’t simply decide what children needed based on what he thought would make entertaining television. He wanted his programs to reflect what was actually happening in the lives and development of children.

That tells me something about the way he viewed children. He didn’t see them as little adults. But he also didn’t see them as foolish or naive. He trusted them with heavy topics.

Bigotry

The Wading Pool Scene (1969): During an era when many public swimming pools were still segregated or hostile to Black Americans, Fred Rogers invited François Clemmons—who played Officer Clemmons—to cool his feet in a small plastic pool with him. Rogers then shared his towel to dry Clemmons’ feet, much like Jesus washed his disciples’ feet, delivering a powerful, silent visual message against racial discrimination and exclusion.

Death, Assassination, and Tragedy

  • Assassination Specials: Following national tragedies like the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr. and Robert F. Kennedy in 1968, Rogers created special segments to help children process political violence, loss, and fear.
  • Death and Pet Loss: He addressed the concept of death directly—such as when a goldfish died in the neighborhood—teaching children that it is natural to feel sad and confused by finality.

War and Conflict

And he shall judge among the nations, and shall rebuke many people: and they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruninghooks: nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more.

Divorce and Family Changes

  • Divorce: Rogers tackled the emotional impact of parents separating. He assured young viewers that even when adults go through difficult changes and painful emotions, a child is never the cause of a divorce and remains deeply loved.
  • Episodes 1476–1480 — “Divorce” (February 16–20, 1981)
  • This is another five-episode series: Prince Tuesday worries that his parents are going to divorce and even believes the conflict is his fault. The episodes repeatedly reinforce that adult problems are not the child’s fault and give children opportunities to express their fears and feelings.

Disability Rights

Inclusion and Accessibility: Rogers featured guests with disabilities, such as Jeff Erlanger, a young boy using an electric wheelchair. Rogers spoke to him with complete equality and dignity, normalizing disabilities and answering children’s curious questions without pity or stigma.

Difficult Subjects Need to Be Discussed

One of the things I admire most about Fred Rogers is that he didn’t believe children needed to be protected from every difficult subject. He believed they needed caring adults who could help them understand those subjects. He was one of those adults and encouraged others to be.

Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood addressed difficult subjects such as racism, death, divorce, disability, fear, conflict, and other subjects that adults sometimes hesitate to discuss with children. Rogers didn’t simply tell children what to think. He gave them a safe place to encounter difficult ideas, ask questions, express their feelings, and begin making sense of the world around them. He demonstrated these traits through his actions and through stories in The Neighborhood of Make-Believe.

My Own Writing

That is something I have tried to do in my own writing.

My middle-grade novel, Redeeming Rhubarb, also deals with a difficult subject: prejudice and racism. The story was inspired by the real 2013 Boulder, Colorado floods, but the adventure becomes a way for young readers to explore what happens when fear and assumptions cause us to judge people we don’t really know.

The goal isn’t to give children a lecture about prejudice. It’s to give them a story they can experience.

A child can watch characters make choices, see the consequences of those choices, and then talk about what happened. Why did that character act that way? Was it right? What caused the fear? How did the other person feel? What could have been done differently? And, as Christian families, what does Scripture teach us about how we should treat other people?

That approach is very important to me.

Conversations

Like Fred Rogers, I believe difficult subjects can become opportunities for meaningful conversations when children have a trusted adult beside them.

That’s one reason I believe books matter.

A good story doesn’t have to answer every question for a child. Sometimes it simply needs to open the door to a conversation that might not have happened otherwise.

That’s what I hope Redeeming Rhubarb does.

And that’s one of the lessons I take from Mr. Rogers: we don’t help children by pretending difficult things don’t exist. We help them by walking with them as they learn how to face those things—with truth, compassion, courage, and love.

Understanding Children

Fred Rodgers understood that children have real fears, real questions, real disappointments, and real emotions.

Sometimes adults are tempted to dismiss those things.

  • “You’re okay.”
  • “Don’t worry about it.”
  • “It’s not a big deal.”

But to a child, it may be a very big deal. Mr. Rogers was willing to talk about those things. And perhaps that is one reason children trusted him. He didn’t preach. He spoke gently and, more often than not, demonstrated his lesson through a “make-believe” story.

Stories Give Children a Safe Place to Learn

His philosophy has a strong connection to reading. I’ve written before about why I believe books are such an important tool for teaching children values. It’s important to read aloud to kids. We can choose books that teach life lessons. We can teach biblical values through literature.

A child may resist a lecture about honesty, but put a character in a story who lies, and suddenly the child can watch what happens.

  • A character makes a selfish decision.
  • Another character forgives.
  • Someone faces a difficult choice.
  • Someone else shows courage.

The child gets to see the consequences without having to experience every consequence personally.That’s one of the great gifts of literature.

Stories give children a safe place to wrestle with difficult ideas.

Fred Rogers understood something similar.

His television program used stories, puppets, music, and the Neighborhood of Make-Believe to help children think about the issues they were facing in real life. His conversations with child-development expert Margaret McFarland helped him make those stories relevant to children’s actual concerns.

The medium was different.

He used television.

I’m talking about books.

But the principle is remarkably similar.

A story can open a door that a lecture can’t.

Fred Rogers Loved Books

There’s another connection that I find especially interesting.

Fred Rogers himself developed a love of reading as a child because of his childhood librarian, whom he called “Aunt” Sara McComb. According to the Fred Rogers Institute, Fred frequently mentioned her when talking about books and reading. She shared her love of books with children at the library, and Fred learned from that experience. There’s something beautiful about that.

One person who loved books helped a child develop a love for reading. That child eventually became the man millions of children trusted. And decades later, we’re still talking about him. It reminds me that we don’t always know what our influence will become.

  • Maybe you’re the parent reading a bedtime story tonight.
  • Maybe you’re the grandparent taking a child to the library.
  • Maybe you’re the teacher recommending a book.
  • Maybe you’re the librarian who remembers a child’s name.

It may seem like a small thing.

But it may not be small to the child.

An anonymous usher stopped a teenage Billy Graham from walking away from a packed 1934 tent revival in Charlotte, North Carolina. He found seats for Billy and his friend. The revival led Billy Graham to make Jesus his savior. Billy Graham impacted millions of lives and led many of those into a relationship with Jesus. The usher did a small thing, but it had a big impact, a huge ripple effect. Aunt Sara did one small thing that impacted millions of children through Fred Rogers.

Reading Is About More Than Reading

I’ve said this before, but it is worth repeating.

The goal isn’t simply to get through more books. The goal is to let good books get into our children.

When our children were younger, we would snuggle together and read. One of my favorite family memories is reading Charlotte’s Web together, a chapter at a time.

We weren’t simply completing a book. We were sharing an experience. That’s an important distinction.

Reading aloud develops literacy, vocabulary, comprehension, and imagination. But something else happens when a parent sits beside a child and reads.

We build a relationship.

We’re saying:

  • You matter to me.
  • What you’re interested in matters to me.
  • I want to spend time with you.

Fred Rogers understood the importance of that kind of relationship.

His television program wasn’t designed merely to give children information. He wanted children to feel that they were being welcomed by someone who cared about them.

The famous question in his theme song wasn’t simply an invitation to watch television.

It was an invitation into relationship.

Won’t you be my neighbor?

What Happens When We Read Together?

One of my favorite things about reading with children is the conversation that follows. Sometimes the conversation isn’t even about the book.

  • A character makes a choice.
    • “What do you think about that?”
  • A character hurts someone.
    • “Why do you think she did that?”
  • Someone gets treated unfairly.
    • “Was that right?”
  • Someone shows courage.
    • “Would you have been brave enough to do that?”
  • And sometimes we can go even deeper.
    • “What does the Bible say about that?”

Now the book has become a bridge.We’re no longer simply talking about a fictional character. We’re talking about life.

I’ve written about this before because I don’t want my children simply to memorize a list of rules.

  • I want them to learn how to think.
  • I want them to recognize good and evil.
  • I want them to understand consequences.
  • I want them to develop empathy.
  • I want them to ask questions.
  • And ultimately, I want them to compare what they encounter in the world with God’s Word.

A good book can help us do that.

The Final Neighborhood

There’s something almost fitting about what happened in the final episode of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood.

The final week was called “Celebrate the Arts.”

In the Neighborhood of Make-Believe, Lady Elaine had appointed herself the judge of everyone’s artwork. But by the end, instead of judging the other characters, she created a collage celebrating them.

The final episode aired on August 31, 2001.

Think about that.

A program that spent decades teaching children about feelings, relationships, and how we treat one another ended with a story about moving from judgment toward appreciation. That seems remarkably appropriate.

Fred Rogers understood that how we feel about ourselves can affect how we treat other people. And isn’t that something our children still need to learn?

  • A child who feels loved can learn to love.
  • A child who experiences forgiveness can learn to forgive.
  • A child who is listened to can learn to listen.
  • A child who is treated with patience can learn patience.

A child who spends years hearing good stories about courage, kindness, sacrifice, friendship, and forgiveness has a vocabulary for understanding those things when they encounter them in real life.

We Can’t Always Be There

There comes a point when our children leave the house.

  • We can’t follow them everywhere.
  • We can’t hear every conversation.
  • We can’t see every decision.
  • We can’t answer every question.

That’s one reason I believe so strongly in giving children good books. A good story can stay with them. Years after we’ve finished reading a book, a character may come back to them.

  • They may remember what happened to Wilbur.
  • They may remember Charlotte’s sacrifice.
  • They may remember Heidi’s love for her grandfather.
  • They may remember a character who showed courage when courage was difficult.

And perhaps, at some point, they’ll face their own difficult decision and remember that story. That’s when the book has become something more than a book. It has become part of them.

What Kind of Neighbors Are We Raising?

Fred Rogers wanted children to understand that they were valuable and that other people mattered.

I want the same thing for my children, but I want to go one step further.

  • I want them to understand why people matter.
  • I want them to understand that every person is created by God.
  • I want them to understand that Jesus commanded us to love our neighbors.
  • I want them to understand that loving someone doesn’t mean approving of everything that person does.
  • I want them to understand forgiveness without confusing forgiveness with pretending that wrong doesn’t matter.
  • I want them to understand that courage sometimes means standing up for what is right.
  • I want them to understand that compassion means looking beyond the surface and trying to understand another person’s story.

Those lessons don’t have to come only through lectures. They can come through conversations. They can come through Scripture. And they can come through stories.

Start With One Book

You don’t need a huge library or a complicated curriculum. You don’t need to spend hours preparing a lesson. Start with one book. Sit beside your child.

  • Read.
  • Listen.
  • Talk.
  • Ask questions.
  • And when the story presents an opportunity, take it.
    • “What would you have done?”
    • “Why do you think he did that?”
    • “Was that a good choice?”
    • “How did that make the other person feel?”
    • “What does the Bible say about this?”
    • Then listen to the answer.
  • Don’t immediately correct.
  • Don’t turn every conversation into a sermon.

Sometimes our children need us to listen more than they need us to talk.

Fred Rogers understood the power of listening, slowing down, and taking children seriously.

I think we could use a little more of that today.

One Child. One Book. One Conversation.

The last original episode of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood aired twenty-five years ago.

Fred Rogers died in 2003, but the neighborhood he created hasn’t really disappeared. His impact hasn’t left us.

  • Every time we teach a child to be kind, we extend it.
  • Every time we listen to a child’s question, we extend it.
  • Every time we help a child understand someone else’s feelings, we extend it.
  • And every time we sit down with a child and open a good book, we have another opportunity to build that kind of neighborhood in our own home.

We don’t have to change the world all at once.

We can start much smaller.

  • One child.
  • One book.
  • One conversation.

Maybe that’s how we raise better neighbors.

And maybe, years from now, our children will remember those quiet moments—not because we gave them another lesson, but because we gave them something better.

  • We gave them our time.
  • We gave them our attention.
  • We gave them stories.

And through those stories, we helped them discover what it means to love God, love their neighbor, and live a life of character.

That’s a legacy worth leaving behind.

References

The following sources were consulted for the information about Fred Rogers and Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood discussed in this article.

  • Fred Rogers Institute — About Fred Rogers
    A comprehensive biography covering Fred Rogers’ childhood, education, family, early television career, study of child development, work with psychologist Margaret McFarland, and his philosophy of serving children and families.
    About Fred Rogers — Fred Rogers Institute
  • Fred Rogers Productions — Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood
    Information about the purpose of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, its approach to children, and its learning goals, including empathy, imagination, respect, self-esteem, emotional regulation, and social skills.
    Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood — Fred Rogers Productions
  • Fred Rogers Institute — Fred Rogers Archive
    An Extensive archive preserves more than 22,000 items from Fred Rogers’ life and work, including writings, photographs, scripts, and other materials that document his ideas about childhood, families, education, and reading.
    Fred Rogers Institute Archive
  • Fred Rogers Institute — The Simple Spiral of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood
    Documents the first episode, which aired February 19, 1968, and the final original episode, #1765, Mister Rogers Celebrates the Arts, which aired August 31, 2001. It also discusses the closing moments of both episodes and the continuity of Rogers’ message throughout the series.
    The Simple Spiral of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood
  • The Neighborhood Archive — Episode 1765
    Detailed information about the final original episode, Mister Rogers Celebrates the Arts, including its August 31, 2001 air date and the stories and activities featured in the episode.
    Episode 1765 — The Neighborhood Archive
  • The Washington Post — “For Mister Rogers, a Final Day in the Neighborhood”
    Contemporary reporting published September 1, 2001, describing the final new episode and Fred Rogers’ decision to end the series without a traditional television farewell.
    For Mister Rogers, a Final Day in the Neighborhood — The Washington Post

Learn more about Redeeming Rhubarb: Redeeming Rhubarb — Reading With Your Kids

Explore Bob Richley’s books and resources: Bob Richley — Christ-Centered Books for Families.